My (28F) boyfriend (28M) of six months is mind-numbingly boring. He has no opinion to contribute towards anything. He is a good human being and all but how do I help him be more participative in a conversation?

I met my boyfriend about a year ago through work. We met about four or five times during the course of six months, for some project or the other, and we really clicked. Our conversation seemed to flow effortlessly then and I was really attracted to his innocence and genuinity.

On the basis of this, I asked him out about six months ago. The idea was clear. We’re both looking to settle down and are not looking for casual dating. So we’d date for a few months and if all goes well, great!

I’ve had enough time with him to know that he’s a great guy! He’s well-versed on a variety of topics. However, he refuses to open up and speak even during some of the most casual, day-to-day conversations. To draw a parallel, he’d be a not-so-great improv actor because he just cannot keep a conversation going beyond a few sentences of exchange. I’ve observed that he loves talking about his work but only to an extent. His quality of conversations with his friends is so poor. They talk about past experiences, nothing remotely interesting. He has actively chosen to stay away from social media and that’s one of the things I really like about him. But amidst all the likes, shares and cares, we continue to stay aware of interesting happenings around us. He doesn’t use any alternate way of staying aware either.

He’s a great guy once you get him talking about something he loves to talk about, but until you get to that point, it’s like trying to pry your dog’s mouth open! I find myself asking myself if I have the energy to keep the conversation going every time his name flashes on my phone and I immediately feel very guilty of thinking so. Sometimes I just want to let it be and see where the silence leads.

I’m not thinking of leaving him, at least not yet, because I am really fond of the guy and I’m seeing this situation as though I were helping a friend come out of their shell. True, maybe we are very different people and that he may just land up shining like the North Star if it were somebody else who could match his wavelength better than I do. But I’m not there yet.

TL;DR: How do I help my boyfriend be a good conversationalist?

Submitted May 10, 2019 at 06:08AM

I met my boyfriend about a year ago through work. We met about four or five times during the course of six months, for some project or the other, and we really clicked. Our conversation seemed to flow effortlessly then and I was really attracted to his innocence and genuinity.On the basis of this, I asked him out about six months ago. The idea was clear. We’re both looking to settle down and are not looking for casual dating. So we’d date for a few months and if all goes well, great!I’ve had enough time with him to know that he’s a great guy! He’s well-versed on a variety of topics. However, he refuses to open up and speak even during some of the most casual, day-to-day conversations. To draw a parallel, he’d be a not-so-great improv actor because he just cannot keep a conversation going beyond a few sentences of exchange. I’ve observed that he loves talking about his work but only to an extent. His quality of conversations with his friends is so poor. They talk about past experiences, nothing remotely interesting. He has actively chosen to stay away from social media and that’s one of the things I really like about him. But amidst all the likes, shares and cares, we continue to stay aware of interesting happenings around us. He doesn’t use any alternate way of staying aware either.He’s a great guy once you get him talking about something he loves to talk about, but until you get to that point, it’s like trying to pry your dog’s mouth open! I find myself asking myself if I have the energy to keep the conversation going every time his name flashes on my phone and I immediately feel very guilty of thinking so. Sometimes I just want to let it be and see where the silence leads.I’m not thinking of leaving him, at least not yet, because I am really fond of the guy and I’m seeing this situation as though I were helping a friend come out of their shell. True, maybe we are very different people and that he may just land up shining like the North Star if it were somebody else who could match his wavelength better than I do. But I’m not there yet.TL;DR: How do I help my boyfriend be a good conversationalist?