23M bf has no personality, says he will be "whoever I(22F) want him to be"

Posted yesterday about not feeling in love with my LDR bf anymore because of building resentment and the realization that he doesn't really put effort in/understand my interests anymore.

Since posting last, I talked to him about everything and that I feel like we would be better off as friends, and need time to figure out who we are and what we want from life and that I needed space. He didn't defend himself at all, just got super sad and said he "doesn't know how to be good enough for me" but wants me to give him a chance to show me he can be better.

I basically told him everything I don't like about him and felt super shitty for it, but he accepted it all as being true and vowed to try and change for me. The problem is that I don't think they're change-able things, I think it's just his personality. I don't want him to be living a lie just because he wants to be with me. I told him I want him to be himself and figure out what he wants from life and he just said all he wants is me, and that he'll be whatever I want him to be.

The whole thing makes me feel uneasy, like I've been dating someone whose whole personality was constructed just to get close to me and now that I've taken a step back, there's nothing there. Honestly he's never really had strong opinions about anything, and always just seems to do what everyone around him does. I feel like being with him is doing him more harm than good and that he needs to figure out who he is before he tries to be in a relationship.

This whole thing sucks. I still love him as a person and just want him to grow and become self-actualized but I feel like I've been coddling him too much and I can't help him without completely cutting him off. Does anyone think it's possible to stay friends and try to support him? Or do I need to do the most painful thing possible and cut contact? :(

TL;DR

bf wants to change for me but I don't think its possible for him to be himself while I'm in his life.



Submitted May 10, 2019 at 07:00AM

Posted yesterday about not feeling in love with my LDR bf anymore because of building resentment and the realization that he doesn't really put effort in/understand my interests anymore.Since posting last, I talked to him about everything and that I feel like we would be better off as friends, and need time to figure out who we are and what we want from life and that I needed space. He didn't defend himself at all, just got super sad and said he "doesn't know how to be good enough for me" but wants me to give him a chance to show me he can be better.I basically told him everything I don't like about him and felt super shitty for it, but he accepted it all as being true and vowed to try and change for me. The problem is that I don't think they're change-able things, I think it's just his personality. I don't want him to be living a lie just because he wants to be with me. I told him I want him to be himself and figure out what he wants from life and he just said all he wants is me, and that he'll be whatever I want him to be.The whole thing makes me feel uneasy, like I've been dating someone whose whole personality was constructed just to get close to me and now that I've taken a step back, there's nothing there. Honestly he's never really had strong opinions about anything, and always just seems to do what everyone around him does. I feel like being with him is doing him more harm than good and that he needs to figure out who he is before he tries to be in a relationship.This whole thing sucks. I still love him as a person and just want him to grow and become self-actualized but I feel like I've been coddling him too much and I can't help him without completely cutting him off. Does anyone think it's possible to stay friends and try to support him? Or do I need to do the most painful thing possible and cut contact? :(TL;DRbf wants to change for me but I don't think its possible for him to be himself while I'm in his life.
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