How much do you tolerate from your SO?

I know that we all have certain things that we can't tolerate from a partner but I don't know now if mine are justified anymore.

I tried to summarize the best I could. If anymore clarification is needed, lmk.

I (25/M) feel as if in my last relationship (~1 year) that I was tolerable but also intolerable with my ex (20F). I know her age might say a lot about these next things and I summed it up to her emotional maturity. I also didn't handle them the best way too. She was not like most girls her age in the sense of mental maturity, hard working, independent, doesn't party at all, wants an actual relationship.

These are all separate instances of fights so I guess I'm wondering if I was be overbearing or that she's lazy or she doesn't have the emotional maturity for an actual relationship yet. All her past relationships she was the one who tolerated all her ex's from cheating to heartbreak. She also has a lot of signs of depression.

I told her straight up that she needs to fix her cleaning (especially around my place) or this won't work. I know this is an ultimatum but me encouraging her to clean before (her place or mine for 7 months) did not work. This worked very shortly at my place and with little results.

One time we were in the parking lot after we ate and she forgot her sunglasses inside ( I will say that she does work at this place and could get them later). I kept asking why don't you just get them now? We're right here. She busted out with yelling "because I don't want to!!!" among other things. I should've just let it go but I don't handle yelling well and I exploded too.

Speaking of work, she works as a server. Being a server can get very sweaty and exhausting. I understood that some nights she'd want to just come to my place and crash. I was fine with that. The thing was that she wouldn't take a shower for days and it's hard to want to be around someone who smells and is sticky. I told her kind of jokingly that she smells. She took it straight offensively and left.

After all these issues and her constant leaving, I would try to talk to her about them but she'd get angry or act like nothing happened. I also seemed to be the only one who wanted to talk about issues and she would just leave each time and call me the next day as if nothing happened.

tl;dr we got into many fights about hygiene, laziness (in relationship and literal laziness), and not talking about issues because I believe she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. Am I justified for these concerns or was I overreacting?

Submitted May 26, 2019 at 06:15AM

I know that we all have certain things that we can't tolerate from a partner but I don't know now if mine are justified anymore.I tried to summarize the best I could. If anymore clarification is needed, lmk.I (25/M) feel as if in my last relationship (~1 year) that I was tolerable but also intolerable with my ex (20F). I know her age might say a lot about these next things and I summed it up to her emotional maturity. I also didn't handle them the best way too. She was not like most girls her age in the sense of mental maturity, hard working, independent, doesn't party at all, wants an actual relationship.These are all separate instances of fights so I guess I'm wondering if I was be overbearing or that she's lazy or she doesn't have the emotional maturity for an actual relationship yet. All her past relationships she was the one who tolerated all her ex's from cheating to heartbreak. She also has a lot of signs of depression.I told her straight up that she needs to fix her cleaning (especially around my place) or this won't work. I know this is an ultimatum but me encouraging her to clean before (her place or mine for 7 months) did not work. This worked very shortly at my place and with little results.One time we were in the parking lot after we ate and she forgot her sunglasses inside ( I will say that she does work at this place and could get them later). I kept asking why don't you just get them now? We're right here. She busted out with yelling "because I don't want to!!!" among other things. I should've just let it go but I don't handle yelling well and I exploded too.Speaking of work, she works as a server. Being a server can get very sweaty and exhausting. I understood that some nights she'd want to just come to my place and crash. I was fine with that. The thing was that she wouldn't take a shower for days and it's hard to want to be around someone who smells and is sticky. I told her kind of jokingly that she smells. She took it straight offensively and left.After all these issues and her constant leaving, I would try to talk to her about them but she'd get angry or act like nothing happened. I also seemed to be the only one who wanted to talk about issues and she would just leave each time and call me the next day as if nothing happened.tl;dr we got into many fights about hygiene, laziness (in relationship and literal laziness), and not talking about issues because I believe she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. Am I justified for these concerns or was I overreacting?