Did I lead him on?

I’ve been enjoying the single life for a few months now and, honestly, super afraid to be vulnerable again. Met this guy while we were both traveling through a CASUAL OLD app. We had a great time together, partied, talked, sex. Exchanged numbers but I was not expecting what was to follow:

He starts trying to make plans to visit me. We live on opposite sides of the country. I felt a little pushed into it and ultimately figured that I might as well give it a shot. Who knows what could come of it?

He just finished spending the week w me and my feelings on him have definitely swung to the side of friend zone. He’s told his parents about me, tried to arrange me to come fly out to him, even said that he’d consider moving if the relationship became serious. We had two serious talks while he was here that I flat out said “I’m not looking for a serious relationship, especially a LDR”, “I’m not emotionally available and I’m not ready to trust someone again”.

I feel like such shit about it. Like I broke this man’s heart but I’m not really attracted to him and our personality styles are not a romantic match. He’s supposed to swing back through my area at the end of the week and I really want to cancel. I don’t know how to say this to him without sounding like a total asshole. He flew to me, we mostly split costs of dinners/drinks, etc. and we did continue to have sex.

Did I lead this man on by allowing him to come visit me? How can I be kind and respectful when telling him I don’t want him to come back? He’s a great person but not the person I could be w.

TL;DR

Guy flew to spend a week with me and I’ve changed my mind. He’s supposed to swing back through in a few days but he’s so nice I feel sick cancelling. I don’t want to lead him on.



Submitted May 25, 2019 at 08:27PM

I’ve been enjoying the single life for a few months now and, honestly, super afraid to be vulnerable again. Met this guy while we were both traveling through a CASUAL OLD app. We had a great time together, partied, talked, sex. Exchanged numbers but I was not expecting what was to follow:He starts trying to make plans to visit me. We live on opposite sides of the country. I felt a little pushed into it and ultimately figured that I might as well give it a shot. Who knows what could come of it?He just finished spending the week w me and my feelings on him have definitely swung to the side of friend zone. He’s told his parents about me, tried to arrange me to come fly out to him, even said that he’d consider moving if the relationship became serious. We had two serious talks while he was here that I flat out said “I’m not looking for a serious relationship, especially a LDR”, “I’m not emotionally available and I’m not ready to trust someone again”.I feel like such shit about it. Like I broke this man’s heart but I’m not really attracted to him and our personality styles are not a romantic match. He’s supposed to swing back through my area at the end of the week and I really want to cancel. I don’t know how to say this to him without sounding like a total asshole. He flew to me, we mostly split costs of dinners/drinks, etc. and we did continue to have sex.Did I lead this man on by allowing him to come visit me? How can I be kind and respectful when telling him I don’t want him to come back? He’s a great person but not the person I could be w.TL;DRGuy flew to spend a week with me and I’ve changed my mind. He’s supposed to swing back through in a few days but he’s so nice I feel sick cancelling. I don’t want to lead him on.
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