Friday night date update.

Met on Tindr last week 35/m. We met up for dinner. He...did not look like his photos, which now I realized why he had a filter in half his photos. But since we've talked on the phone three times and texted a little in between I knew our personalities click.

Dinner went fine, we made small talk, some jokes, learning about each other. He asks me if I'm nervous, I reply no, which was the truth. He replies he is. Sorta cute I guess. I dated really insecure people before and now I notice and stay away. I'm very confident most of the time and it's a huge turnoff. I was assuming we were splitting dinner but since it seemed like a bonafide date he immediately said he'd pay for it. I haven't had anyone pay for dinner or call me on the phone for years.

I noticed a few red flags but I'm unable to verify them. Most glaring is something the first guy I dated did. Embellishing/lying about your achievements and successes. I know this stems from insecurity but it's lying nonetheless and I absolutely abhor people who lie. Another one is he says he is "intense" and might have anger issues. I stalked him on Facebook before meeting and there is one specific post he said he did some things to an ex that he knows was vindictive but he was okay with it.

At this point, I'm thinking I'll let him know next time he contacts me why I wasn't feeling it. I might be open to being friends and inviting him to gay social events where he may be able to meet someone he likes better. That really depends on how he reacts. But he went on a rant about disliking most gays and I told him I could understand that mindset but completely disagreed, having been through that learning process.

We had a good rest of the night, went to a bar I've never been to before and there was a drag show I enjoyed. I caught myself staring at two very specific guys at the bar throughout the next two hours so that is a huge sign it's not working. I caught him staring at me A LOT. I gave him a hug in the car before we parted.

So now being on the complete opposite side of the dating dance has made me appreciate what a perilous predicament this is. I know what I need to do but I feel guilty about doing it. I will not ghost or slow fade on him though. I know better than that.

That's why I hate texting back and forth. Just meet and see how you click. One builds up these somewhat unrealistic expectations, regardless of how well you try not to, especially if you start texting and talking on the phone. Ugh

Edit:

Most glaring examples of him embellishing/lying:

1. Asking my height, I said 5'7" and he said 5'11". I don't care about height but the fact he lied and ended up being 5'9 or so is weird.
2. Says he went to UC Berkley and makes 100k+ as a nurse but I looked up his work and I don't think he makes that much.
3. Filtered photos
4. Said he is chill but if he gets angry he can seethe for days. I asked for an example and he said "someone cutting me off" and I replied, "so you would seethe for days because someone cut you off?" I honestly think he didn't want to give an actual example cause that would have been even worse. See vindictiveness to ex.
5. Disliking most gays but says he's masculine and not effeminate but he's def not The Rock if you get my drift.
6. Drank diet coke the entire night and I already felt like he was "bigger" than his photos let on but this says there are some lifestyle incompatibilities. Reiterated he was on a diet but then says he eats any and everything, has a slow metabolism, and works out religiously.

Of course, I'm not perfect either and told him I like to drink and smoke. I own my vices and no apologies.

He texted this afternoon and asked if I got home okay. I said yeah and then told him I noticed some red flags and am not comfortable moving forward. I did offer to be casual friends who meet up given the chance but don't want to lead him on.

Submitted May 25, 2019 at 08:05AM

Met on Tindr last week 35/m. We met up for dinner. He...did not look like his photos, which now I realized why he had a filter in half his photos. But since we've talked on the phone three times and texted a little in between I knew our personalities click.Dinner went fine, we made small talk, some jokes, learning about each other. He asks me if I'm nervous, I reply no, which was the truth. He replies he is. Sorta cute I guess. I dated really insecure people before and now I notice and stay away. I'm very confident most of the time and it's a huge turnoff. I was assuming we were splitting dinner but since it seemed like a bonafide date he immediately said he'd pay for it. I haven't had anyone pay for dinner or call me on the phone for years.I noticed a few red flags but I'm unable to verify them. Most glaring is something the first guy I dated did. Embellishing/lying about your achievements and successes. I know this stems from insecurity but it's lying nonetheless and I absolutely abhor people who lie. Another one is he says he is "intense" and might have anger issues. I stalked him on Facebook before meeting and there is one specific post he said he did some things to an ex that he knows was vindictive but he was okay with it.At this point, I'm thinking I'll let him know next time he contacts me why I wasn't feeling it. I might be open to being friends and inviting him to gay social events where he may be able to meet someone he likes better. That really depends on how he reacts. But he went on a rant about disliking most gays and I told him I could understand that mindset but completely disagreed, having been through that learning process.We had a good rest of the night, went to a bar I've never been to before and there was a drag show I enjoyed. I caught myself staring at two very specific guys at the bar throughout the next two hours so that is a huge sign it's not working. I caught him staring at me A LOT. I gave him a hug in the car before we parted.So now being on the complete opposite side of the dating dance has made me appreciate what a perilous predicament this is. I know what I need to do but I feel guilty about doing it. I will not ghost or slow fade on him though. I know better than that.That's why I hate texting back and forth. Just meet and see how you click. One builds up these somewhat unrealistic expectations, regardless of how well you try not to, especially if you start texting and talking on the phone. UghEdit:Most glaring examples of him embellishing/lying:Asking my height, I said 5'7" and he said 5'11". I don't care about height but the fact he lied and ended up being 5'9 or so is weird.Says he went to UC Berkley and makes 100k+ as a nurse but I looked up his work and I don't think he makes that much.Filtered photosSaid he is chill but if he gets angry he can seethe for days. I asked for an example and he said "someone cutting me off" and I replied, "so you would seethe for days because someone cut you off?" I honestly think he didn't want to give an actual example cause that would have been even worse. See vindictiveness to ex.Disliking most gays but says he's masculine and not effeminate but he's def not The Rock if you get my drift.Drank diet coke the entire night and I already felt like he was "bigger" than his photos let on but this says there are some lifestyle incompatibilities. Reiterated he was on a diet but then says he eats any and everything, has a slow metabolism, and works out religiously.Of course, I'm not perfect either and told him I like to drink and smoke. I own my vices and no apologies.He texted this afternoon and asked if I got home okay. I said yeah and then told him I noticed some red flags and am not comfortable moving forward. I did offer to be casual friends who meet up given the chance but don't want to lead him on.