Unrealistic portrayals of human attraction in movies/TV

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Over the past few years I've been interested in this topic having grown up like many of us with a great love of movies and TV. Many people I know have even commented that, in many ways, they were "raised by entertainment" sometimes due to absent or disengaged parents. I'm fascinated by the connection between the understandings people have cultivated upon adulthood about how attraction works and the conditioning they received over many years of exposure to the Hollywood version of how it all works.

What is especially concerning to me are the younger generations who are plugged in to the entertainment world from the very start. As a kid growing up in the 90s, I had access to cable TV in our family's basement which is where I could spend hours watching anything I wanted. But the younger generation has phones and immediate access to content wherever they are at all the time. Reading many of the posts on this board and other subs, the epidemic of young people (and older) who don't understand how relationships actually develop is pretty staggering.

Specifically interesting to me is how the genders view the initial dating process. Countless films and shows in the modern era depict men going through ridiculous, humiliating and sometimes stalker-like behavior to win over a woman. And women were frequently depicted as in-decisive and passive in relation to men. And the worst is that the male protagonist is usually rewarded for his chasing when the woman finally wises up to "what a great guy he was the whole time." Also, the idea of grand romantic gestures being a way to win someone over is a prevalent plot device.

There is more to it obviously than just entertainment, but I can't help but think that one of the reasons we see so many young men turning towards this ridiculous incel, redpill, MGTOW, etc nonsense is because they were so conditioned to believe in the "happy ending." The idea that, in the end of the movie, the woman always ends up with the good guy. And then when they reach adulthood, they are shocked to find out that doesn't work that way at all. And I also see it on the female side as well as women are led to believe that pursuing a man is not a female trait and they must wait to be found or rescued by a man.

Don't get me wrong, I love film and television, and I work in the business myself. But as I got older, I began to understand how I was led to believe certain things about men and women. It made me go back to my most beloved shows and movies and revealed how much unrealism was present that influenced me. Now there is of course some content that was actually written well and doesn't rely on these unrealistic ideas that we saw portayed so many times over the years. But I feel Hollywood can still do better.

I suppose I made this post because I am curious...does anyone else watch stuff nowadays and get annoyed with how dating and relationships get portrayed? Do you guys agree that Hollywood has so powerfully pushed these ideas so as to result in the rampant disillusionment that people have out there? On the other side, is there any movie or show that people think do a good job at presenting realism?

Just curious to see what you guys think!

Submitted April 19, 2019 at 12:57AM

​Over the past few years I've been interested in this topic having grown up like many of us with a great love of movies and TV. Many people I know have even commented that, in many ways, they were "raised by entertainment" sometimes due to absent or disengaged parents. I'm fascinated by the connection between the understandings people have cultivated upon adulthood about how attraction works and the conditioning they received over many years of exposure to the Hollywood version of how it all works.What is especially concerning to me are the younger generations who are plugged in to the entertainment world from the very start. As a kid growing up in the 90s, I had access to cable TV in our family's basement which is where I could spend hours watching anything I wanted. But the younger generation has phones and immediate access to content wherever they are at all the time. Reading many of the posts on this board and other subs, the epidemic of young people (and older) who don't understand how relationships actually develop is pretty staggering.Specifically interesting to me is how the genders view the initial dating process. Countless films and shows in the modern era depict men going through ridiculous, humiliating and sometimes stalker-like behavior to win over a woman. And women were frequently depicted as in-decisive and passive in relation to men. And the worst is that the male protagonist is usually rewarded for his chasing when the woman finally wises up to "what a great guy he was the whole time." Also, the idea of grand romantic gestures being a way to win someone over is a prevalent plot device.There is more to it obviously than just entertainment, but I can't help but think that one of the reasons we see so many young men turning towards this ridiculous incel, redpill, MGTOW, etc nonsense is because they were so conditioned to believe in the "happy ending." The idea that, in the end of the movie, the woman always ends up with the good guy. And then when they reach adulthood, they are shocked to find out that doesn't work that way at all. And I also see it on the female side as well as women are led to believe that pursuing a man is not a female trait and they must wait to be found or rescued by a man.Don't get me wrong, I love film and television, and I work in the business myself. But as I got older, I began to understand how I was led to believe certain things about men and women. It made me go back to my most beloved shows and movies and revealed how much unrealism was present that influenced me. Now there is of course some content that was actually written well and doesn't rely on these unrealistic ideas that we saw portayed so many times over the years. But I feel Hollywood can still do better.I suppose I made this post because I am curious...does anyone else watch stuff nowadays and get annoyed with how dating and relationships get portrayed? Do you guys agree that Hollywood has so powerfully pushed these ideas so as to result in the rampant disillusionment that people have out there? On the other side, is there any movie or show that people think do a good job at presenting realism?Just curious to see what you guys think!