[37m] Divorce is mere days from being final. Will need to start putting myself out there at some point. I have zero experience with adult dating - what should I expect?

I'm not even sure how to frame this question.

I was married for 9 years to my HS sweetheart. She left me for a guy she was having an affair with. All divorce sucks, but despite the affair, our divorce has at least been amicable (no kids involved), and it's about to be final. And I know this is a dating sub, not a divorce sub, so I'll leave it at that.

I know I'm going to need to start putting myself out there. I don't want to do it before I'm ready and bring a ton of baggage with me, but I also have absolutely no idea what adult dating is like outside of the movies. I imagine dating sites will be involved.

I guess I'd just like to have some idea of what to expect.

I'm 6' tall, my BMI is 21.7, I have a mostly symmetrical face and I still have my hair. I have a good job (middle class white collar), own a nice house in the burbs, and have a cool dog. I have a good (but not weird) relationship with my mom and like women. I also play guitar in a band. And I'm scared shitless.

I'm self-aware enough to recognize my shortcomings, which given my recent history, includes a little bit of.. I don't know, I don't want to say trust issues. Maybe a fear of abandonment? At any rate, I might be a little damaged, but I'm aware enough to recognize that and try not to let it boil over into my behavior. And I also know that when I do start dating, it needs to be about looking forward and not bringing up or focusing on my ex. I'm happy to be honest about my past, but I don't expect a woman to have to hurdle it to get close to me.

Really I guess I just need to know.. what's the scene like at this age? Is casual dating OK? Is it still really superficial like it is as a younger person? How much is about people's kids? I'm not sure I want them, I don't really know where I fall there. Is that a huge red flag? What pitfalls should I avoid?

I'm like a little baby here, haha. Sorry for rambling. It's just been a taxing day and I'm trying to figure out what my future even looks like. I might be selfishly seeking some validation. Feel free to disabuse me of my delusions. I probably need it.

this is me

this is me being helped out quite a bit by the dog



Submitted April 19, 2019 at 03:28AM

I'm not even sure how to frame this question.I was married for 9 years to my HS sweetheart. She left me for a guy she was having an affair with. All divorce sucks, but despite the affair, our divorce has at least been amicable (no kids involved), and it's about to be final. And I know this is a dating sub, not a divorce sub, so I'll leave it at that.I know I'm going to need to start putting myself out there. I don't want to do it before I'm ready and bring a ton of baggage with me, but I also have absolutely no idea what adult dating is like outside of the movies. I imagine dating sites will be involved.I guess I'd just like to have some idea of what to expect.I'm 6' tall, my BMI is 21.7, I have a mostly symmetrical face and I still have my hair. I have a good job (middle class white collar), own a nice house in the burbs, and have a cool dog. I have a good (but not weird) relationship with my mom and like women. I also play guitar in a band. And I'm scared shitless.I'm self-aware enough to recognize my shortcomings, which given my recent history, includes a little bit of.. I don't know, I don't want to say trust issues. Maybe a fear of abandonment? At any rate, I might be a little damaged, but I'm aware enough to recognize that and try not to let it boil over into my behavior. And I also know that when I do start dating, it needs to be about looking forward and not bringing up or focusing on my ex. I'm happy to be honest about my past, but I don't expect a woman to have to hurdle it to get close to me.Really I guess I just need to know.. what's the scene like at this age? Is casual dating OK? Is it still really superficial like it is as a younger person? How much is about people's kids? I'm not sure I want them, I don't really know where I fall there. Is that a huge red flag? What pitfalls should I avoid?I'm like a little baby here, haha. Sorry for rambling. It's just been a taxing day and I'm trying to figure out what my future even looks like. I might be selfishly seeking some validation. Feel free to disabuse me of my delusions. I probably need it.this is methis is me being helped out quite a bit by the dog
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more