Serial Serious but Casual Daters?

Some girlfriends and I are encountering a trend in our own dating lives, and we're wondering if anyone else is having the same experience. I'm referring to guys because we're all women seeking men, but I'm sure that women do this to men as well.

Story goes like this: Date a guy for 3-4 months. He sends all the right messages that he's looking for something real/serious. Going on real dates and paying for them, tons of communication between dates, expressing genuine feelings, talking about where our lives are going and figuring out that we're long term compatible, meeting each others' friends, hanging out more and more frequently, etc. etc. But when he brings up the "what are we" talk, he says he only wants to be casual and would keep doing what we're doing exclusively but isn't interested in a relationship (even though by this time there would be no difference between what's already happening and a full fledged relationship).

There were competing perspectives on it in our group, but the general consensus we arrived on is that if you're not married by 30, you're probably over the whole "one night stand" thing and crave real emotional connection, but you probably aren't looking to settle down either (otherwise you probably would have done it already), so you serial date people on a more or less serious basis to get the positive emotional aspects of a relationship without having to deal with any of the difficult parts of a relationship, perpetually (fueled by dating apps that provide an endless supply of the "next" companion). We're curious to hear your thoughts!

Submitted April 18, 2019 at 07:44PM

Some girlfriends and I are encountering a trend in our own dating lives, and we're wondering if anyone else is having the same experience. I'm referring to guys because we're all women seeking men, but I'm sure that women do this to men as well.Story goes like this: Date a guy for 3-4 months. He sends all the right messages that he's looking for something real/serious. Going on real dates and paying for them, tons of communication between dates, expressing genuine feelings, talking about where our lives are going and figuring out that we're long term compatible, meeting each others' friends, hanging out more and more frequently, etc. etc. But when he brings up the "what are we" talk, he says he only wants to be casual and would keep doing what we're doing exclusively but isn't interested in a relationship (even though by this time there would be no difference between what's already happening and a full fledged relationship).There were competing perspectives on it in our group, but the general consensus we arrived on is that if you're not married by 30, you're probably over the whole "one night stand" thing and crave real emotional connection, but you probably aren't looking to settle down either (otherwise you probably would have done it already), so you serial date people on a more or less serious basis to get the positive emotional aspects of a relationship without having to deal with any of the difficult parts of a relationship, perpetually (fueled by dating apps that provide an endless supply of the "next" companion). We're curious to hear your thoughts!