I (17f) might have a fear of intimacy?

So I'm 17, I've been in 2 relationships and I've noticed a pattern where I avoid physical contact even though I love the person. The latest relationship actually ended mostly because the person always had a doubt whether or not I actually love him. He always said that I avoided eye contact, etc., and i get frustrated sometimes because i didn't mean to avoid him at all, he kept asking me " do you actually love me?" And i do, i really do, but he never believed me. In those 2 relationships, as I previously said, I avoid physical contact like the first time I gave a handjob, I gagged, he didn't realize it but I kind of feel ashamed. Also, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I get quiet to the other person like I feel more comfortable with them when there's no label. So this led to me being more expressive to my friends (even guy friends) but to my boyfriend I'm so passive, so he would get jealous which is not his fault, definitely my fault, but I didn't do this on purpose. Are these related to fear of intimacy? How do I fix this? it's so frustrating to be in love with someone but somehow I can't show it, and because of this I can't have a healthy relationship.

TL;DR basically i might have a fear of intimacy and i want to fix it so i can have a healthy relationship



Submitted April 19, 2019 at 06:04AM

So I'm 17, I've been in 2 relationships and I've noticed a pattern where I avoid physical contact even though I love the person. The latest relationship actually ended mostly because the person always had a doubt whether or not I actually love him. He always said that I avoided eye contact, etc., and i get frustrated sometimes because i didn't mean to avoid him at all, he kept asking me " do you actually love me?" And i do, i really do, but he never believed me. In those 2 relationships, as I previously said, I avoid physical contact like the first time I gave a handjob, I gagged, he didn't realize it but I kind of feel ashamed. Also, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I get quiet to the other person like I feel more comfortable with them when there's no label. So this led to me being more expressive to my friends (even guy friends) but to my boyfriend I'm so passive, so he would get jealous which is not his fault, definitely my fault, but I didn't do this on purpose. Are these related to fear of intimacy? How do I fix this? it's so frustrating to be in love with someone but somehow I can't show it, and because of this I can't have a healthy relationship.TL;DR basically i might have a fear of intimacy and i want to fix it so i can have a healthy relationship
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