Can I (19 m) tell my dad (60 m) to not attend my show, and perhaps tell security to not let him in?

I am the product of an affair. My mom was 24 and my dad was 40, they’d met at some convention. My dad, was married with two sons 5&7. I don’t know very many specifics, but my dad lived in another state and stayed with his family.

My mom and I were poor. We lived in a small apartment, and didn’t have a lot of stuff. She did the best she could and even was able to put me through drum lessons. She had a sad kinda life. She was disabled and walked with crutches, she wanted to be a good guitarist but couldn’t move her hand good enough. She wasn’t in a ton of relationships. My dad would come see us, he’d sleep at our house. Now that I’m older I know what was going on and it infuriates me. She was in a PhD program for philosophy, and was just a good mom.

I was in fourth grade when she killed herself. I remember finding her more vividly than yesterday. When I had to go live with someone else, my dad and his wife came up and made me sell her records, my dad let me keep two. Then, when It was all said and done, they made me go live with my aunt so I “wouldn’t destroy their marriage.”

I don’t see my dad much and am in his hometown playing with my band. Yesterday we went and recorded some interviews and he and his wife were there. The interviewer asked us what made us want to play music. I had a memory of my mom getting me bongos and us busking so we could go to a concert. After, we played and interviewed my dad comes up and says “ya know I gave her the money for you guys to see that show.” Okay, so? It’s important to who I am today. Can you not just let me have a fun memory?

We’re playing a show here tonight and he’s bringing his whole family. I feel uncomfortable having them there, and after his comment don’t want him near me. Am I okay to tell him I don’t want him there?

Tl;dr 19 year old drummer who doesn’t want his dad at a show because of comments he made about my deceased mom. Can I tell him not to come?

Submitted April 19, 2019 at 06:34AM

I am the product of an affair. My mom was 24 and my dad was 40, they’d met at some convention. My dad, was married with two sons 5&7. I don’t know very many specifics, but my dad lived in another state and stayed with his family.My mom and I were poor. We lived in a small apartment, and didn’t have a lot of stuff. She did the best she could and even was able to put me through drum lessons. She had a sad kinda life. She was disabled and walked with crutches, she wanted to be a good guitarist but couldn’t move her hand good enough. She wasn’t in a ton of relationships. My dad would come see us, he’d sleep at our house. Now that I’m older I know what was going on and it infuriates me. She was in a PhD program for philosophy, and was just a good mom.I was in fourth grade when she killed herself. I remember finding her more vividly than yesterday. When I had to go live with someone else, my dad and his wife came up and made me sell her records, my dad let me keep two. Then, when It was all said and done, they made me go live with my aunt so I “wouldn’t destroy their marriage.”I don’t see my dad much and am in his hometown playing with my band. Yesterday we went and recorded some interviews and he and his wife were there. The interviewer asked us what made us want to play music. I had a memory of my mom getting me bongos and us busking so we could go to a concert. After, we played and interviewed my dad comes up and says “ya know I gave her the money for you guys to see that show.” Okay, so? It’s important to who I am today. Can you not just let me have a fun memory?We’re playing a show here tonight and he’s bringing his whole family. I feel uncomfortable having them there, and after his comment don’t want him near me. Am I okay to tell him I don’t want him there?Tl;dr 19 year old drummer who doesn’t want his dad at a show because of comments he made about my deceased mom. Can I tell him not to come?