How to avoid being a rebound?

TLDR: I am single, he is single. He recently broke up with his gf and I don't know what to do.

Hello, I (f41) was seeing a guy months ago and he broke my heart because he didn't want a relationship and I did want one. Then he started following and stalking me but the last time I saw him following me I told him that I would go to the police if he didn't stop his crazy behavior and apparently he got it.

So, now I am seeing a guy who has been honest about his intentions, he doesn't have time for a relationship and I am fine with it because we don't see each other very often but when we do is great. Anyway, my ultimate goal is to have a LTR and I know I eventually have to end this casual thing.

But, the thing is that I met a guy a few years ago (Richard, 39), he is part of my group of friends. Since I have met him, he had two girlfriends, the first one is a friend of mine too but their relationship was awful (for both of them), and they only dated for like 4 months. Then he started dating another one of my friends. They lasted like a year and they broke up and back together a few times.

Weeks ago, we went to a party together (with other friends) and I asked about his gf (she is not very close to me) and he told me all the problems they had and that they finally called it quits for good. We stay out in the backyard because we were smoking and he was very comfortable with me, just talking. He wanted to know all the story about the guy I dated (the stalker) and it was clear to me that he was sad about his break-up. Then, he drove me to my car because it was at my sister's house and we talked a little in his car. It was the perfect moment for a kiss but I refrained myself because I didn't want to be his rebound.

For more context, he always has showed interest in me but I don't know how to be more flirty with him. He met me when I was in a bad place physically and emotionally and I didn't want a relationship or anything back then but now that we are both single, I don't know how to proceed.

I think that the guy I am seeing is my rebound from the stalker but I don't want to be Richard's rebound. How do you avoid that? I am truly interested in him and I am very happy that I don't have OLD anymore because he was my original crush three years ago but life happened.

Today I was at my sister's home and I was about to leave and he showed up. He was sad that I had to go but I had a lot of things to do so I really had to go.

Now I am in a best place but I don't know how to communicate that to him or show my interest. My sister told me that he feels intimidated by me because he is an average guy and he thinks I'm way out of his league. I am not.

Please, help!



Submitted April 19, 2019 at 03:03AM

TLDR: I am single, he is single. He recently broke up with his gf and I don't know what to do.Hello, I (f41) was seeing a guy months ago and he broke my heart because he didn't want a relationship and I did want one. Then he started following and stalking me but the last time I saw him following me I told him that I would go to the police if he didn't stop his crazy behavior and apparently he got it.So, now I am seeing a guy who has been honest about his intentions, he doesn't have time for a relationship and I am fine with it because we don't see each other very often but when we do is great. Anyway, my ultimate goal is to have a LTR and I know I eventually have to end this casual thing.But, the thing is that I met a guy a few years ago (Richard, 39), he is part of my group of friends. Since I have met him, he had two girlfriends, the first one is a friend of mine too but their relationship was awful (for both of them), and they only dated for like 4 months. Then he started dating another one of my friends. They lasted like a year and they broke up and back together a few times.Weeks ago, we went to a party together (with other friends) and I asked about his gf (she is not very close to me) and he told me all the problems they had and that they finally called it quits for good. We stay out in the backyard because we were smoking and he was very comfortable with me, just talking. He wanted to know all the story about the guy I dated (the stalker) and it was clear to me that he was sad about his break-up. Then, he drove me to my car because it was at my sister's house and we talked a little in his car. It was the perfect moment for a kiss but I refrained myself because I didn't want to be his rebound.For more context, he always has showed interest in me but I don't know how to be more flirty with him. He met me when I was in a bad place physically and emotionally and I didn't want a relationship or anything back then but now that we are both single, I don't know how to proceed.I think that the guy I am seeing is my rebound from the stalker but I don't want to be Richard's rebound. How do you avoid that? I am truly interested in him and I am very happy that I don't have OLD anymore because he was my original crush three years ago but life happened.Today I was at my sister's home and I was about to leave and he showed up. He was sad that I had to go but I had a lot of things to do so I really had to go.Now I am in a best place but I don't know how to communicate that to him or show my interest. My sister told me that he feels intimidated by me because he is an average guy and he thinks I'm way out of his league. I am not.Please, help!
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