My [31F] partner [39M] is just not that into me. Help me grow a spine and leave.

I'm heartbroken because when I first met my partner he seemed too good to be true. Kind, affectionate, thoughtful and sensitive to my feelings, plus we shared many of the same interests. I couldn't believe he was single.

One year later it makes a lot more sense to me. I barely recognize the person I'm with. It turns out the man who once said he loved me long before I was ready to say it back...

  • Keeps in touch with multiple ex-girlfriends ("they're such good friends") and then lies about it by omission
  • Uses social media heavily, almost to the point of addiction, doesn't acknowledge me on it ever. (Likes everything his exes post though, and all the photos he's put up of his own accord still feature him and various exes.)
  • One year in, it's still 50/50 whether he introduces me to friends as his partner or his "friend"
  • Calls me insecure for finding these things weird. (Insecure is in fact the go-to insult when we argue about these things, although it's worth noting I didn't bring trust issues to the relationship, I'm learning new ones daily or weekly from how he treats me.)
  • Doesn't seem to find anything we do together worth remembering. Constantly repeats stories to me or asks me if I was the person he was talking about (fill in the blank) with.
  • Most recently, forgot our one year anniversary and made plans that he specified I wasn't invited to be part of. Didn't understand or try to understand why this hurt my feelings.

Someone please slap me upside the head (metaphorically) and let me know it's not being unreasonable to expect more kindness/interest/commitment from a partner than this. I'm having a hard time leaving and identifying the problem with my thinking as a "sunk cost" fallacy truly hasn't helped.



Submitted April 19, 2019 at 05:16AM

I'm heartbroken because when I first met my partner he seemed too good to be true. Kind, affectionate, thoughtful and sensitive to my feelings, plus we shared many of the same interests. I couldn't believe he was single.One year later it makes a lot more sense to me. I barely recognize the person I'm with. It turns out the man who once said he loved me long before I was ready to say it back...Keeps in touch with multiple ex-girlfriends ("they're such good friends") and then lies about it by omissionUses social media heavily, almost to the point of addiction, doesn't acknowledge me on it ever. (Likes everything his exes post though, and all the photos he's put up of his own accord still feature him and various exes.)One year in, it's still 50/50 whether he introduces me to friends as his partner or his "friend"Calls me insecure for finding these things weird. (Insecure is in fact the go-to insult when we argue about these things, although it's worth noting I didn't bring trust issues to the relationship, I'm learning new ones daily or weekly from how he treats me.)Doesn't seem to find anything we do together worth remembering. Constantly repeats stories to me or asks me if I was the person he was talking about (fill in the blank) with.Most recently, forgot our one year anniversary and made plans that he specified I wasn't invited to be part of. Didn't understand or try to understand why this hurt my feelings.Someone please slap me upside the head (metaphorically) and let me know it's not being unreasonable to expect more kindness/interest/commitment from a partner than this. I'm having a hard time leaving and identifying the problem with my thinking as a "sunk cost" fallacy truly hasn't helped.
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