Wife ready for a baby, I'm terrified

Me and my wife have been together for 12 years and married for 10. She's 35 and I'm 34. We went into the marriage unsure about having children and we seemed to be leaning towards not having them.

Fast forward to this year and she now has decided she wants to have a baby. I'm terrified about what this will do to our lives and have no desire for children. I'm not saying I wouldn't give it my all if we did have them, but I just don't feel the urge to have them. Because we hadn't gone into the marriage with that goal in mind, I'm kind of thrown for a loop. She has now said that she cannot imagine her life without children and would resent me if I took that away from her. Again, this wasn't ever her attitude going in, it was always a wait and see approach, but being ok if we didn't.

We've gone back and forth with this for a few months and she tried to bargain with me by suggesting we just try for a few months and if she doesn't get pregnant, she'll drop it. I've always seen us as a "smarter" couple for not having kids because we get to live our lives on our terms and not on a kids schedule like many of our friends. She now has said that we've reached "the peak" of what our lives will be and now it's time to do something else since we are just in the same routines.

This weekend, she stopped taking her birth control because I had joked with her that it was the only way we could ever get past this is if the choice was taken away from me. She took this seriously and hasn't taken it in 3 days.

​

I'm so scared because I have no desire for a child, but I don't want to deprive my wife of the life she wants either. She never talked about it much until this year because I suspect she believes at her age it's her last chance for it to happen at least biologically. So our lives have 3 options now:

​

Have a child that I don't want

Refuse and have my wife resent me forever

Divorce and my wife still doesn't get what she wants and she'll still be sad

​

I feel backed into a corner because every time I try and bring it up to her she gets emotional and cries telling me I can leave if I don't want to be a partner with her in this. Again, this came out of nowhere this year and I'm terrified.



Submitted May 28, 2019 at 04:34AM

Me and my wife have been together for 12 years and married for 10. She's 35 and I'm 34. We went into the marriage unsure about having children and we seemed to be leaning towards not having them.Fast forward to this year and she now has decided she wants to have a baby. I'm terrified about what this will do to our lives and have no desire for children. I'm not saying I wouldn't give it my all if we did have them, but I just don't feel the urge to have them. Because we hadn't gone into the marriage with that goal in mind, I'm kind of thrown for a loop. She has now said that she cannot imagine her life without children and would resent me if I took that away from her. Again, this wasn't ever her attitude going in, it was always a wait and see approach, but being ok if we didn't.We've gone back and forth with this for a few months and she tried to bargain with me by suggesting we just try for a few months and if she doesn't get pregnant, she'll drop it. I've always seen us as a "smarter" couple for not having kids because we get to live our lives on our terms and not on a kids schedule like many of our friends. She now has said that we've reached "the peak" of what our lives will be and now it's time to do something else since we are just in the same routines.This weekend, she stopped taking her birth control because I had joked with her that it was the only way we could ever get past this is if the choice was taken away from me. She took this seriously and hasn't taken it in 3 days.​I'm so scared because I have no desire for a child, but I don't want to deprive my wife of the life she wants either. She never talked about it much until this year because I suspect she believes at her age it's her last chance for it to happen at least biologically. So our lives have 3 options now:​Have a child that I don't wantRefuse and have my wife resent me foreverDivorce and my wife still doesn't get what she wants and she'll still be sad​I feel backed into a corner because every time I try and bring it up to her she gets emotional and cries telling me I can leave if I don't want to be a partner with her in this. Again, this came out of nowhere this year and I'm terrified.
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