Wife ready for a baby, I'm terrified

Me and my wife have been together for 12 years and married for 10. She's 35 and I'm 34. We went into the marriage unsure about having children and we seemed to be leaning towards not having them.

Fast forward to this year and she now has decided she wants to have a baby. I'm terrified about what this will do to our lives and have no desire for children. I'm not saying I wouldn't give it my all if we did have them, but I just don't feel the urge to have them. Because we hadn't gone into the marriage with that goal in mind, I'm kind of thrown for a loop. She has now said that she cannot imagine her life without children and would resent me if I took that away from her. Again, this wasn't ever her attitude going in, it was always a wait and see approach, but being ok if we didn't.

We've gone back and forth with this for a few months and she tried to bargain with me by suggesting we just try for a few months and if she doesn't get pregnant, she'll drop it. I've always seen us as a "smarter" couple for not having kids because we get to live our lives on our terms and not on a kids schedule like many of our friends. She now has said that we've reached "the peak" of what our lives will be and now it's time to do something else since we are just in the same routines.

This weekend, she stopped taking her birth control because I had joked with her that it was the only way we could ever get past this is if the choice was taken away from me. She took this seriously and hasn't taken it in 3 days.

​

I'm so scared because I have no desire for a child, but I don't want to deprive my wife of the life she wants either. She never talked about it much until this year because I suspect she believes at her age it's her last chance for it to happen at least biologically. So our lives have 3 options now:

​

Have a child that I don't want

Refuse and have my wife resent me forever

Divorce and my wife still doesn't get what she wants and she'll still be sad

​

I feel backed into a corner because every time I try and bring it up to her she gets emotional and cries telling me I can leave if I don't want to be a partner with her in this. Again, this came out of nowhere this year and I'm terrified.



Submitted May 28, 2019 at 04:34AM

Me and my wife have been together for 12 years and married for 10. She's 35 and I'm 34. We went into the marriage unsure about having children and we seemed to be leaning towards not having them.Fast forward to this year and she now has decided she wants to have a baby. I'm terrified about what this will do to our lives and have no desire for children. I'm not saying I wouldn't give it my all if we did have them, but I just don't feel the urge to have them. Because we hadn't gone into the marriage with that goal in mind, I'm kind of thrown for a loop. She has now said that she cannot imagine her life without children and would resent me if I took that away from her. Again, this wasn't ever her attitude going in, it was always a wait and see approach, but being ok if we didn't.We've gone back and forth with this for a few months and she tried to bargain with me by suggesting we just try for a few months and if she doesn't get pregnant, she'll drop it. I've always seen us as a "smarter" couple for not having kids because we get to live our lives on our terms and not on a kids schedule like many of our friends. She now has said that we've reached "the peak" of what our lives will be and now it's time to do something else since we are just in the same routines.This weekend, she stopped taking her birth control because I had joked with her that it was the only way we could ever get past this is if the choice was taken away from me. She took this seriously and hasn't taken it in 3 days.​I'm so scared because I have no desire for a child, but I don't want to deprive my wife of the life she wants either. She never talked about it much until this year because I suspect she believes at her age it's her last chance for it to happen at least biologically. So our lives have 3 options now:​Have a child that I don't wantRefuse and have my wife resent me foreverDivorce and my wife still doesn't get what she wants and she'll still be sad​I feel backed into a corner because every time I try and bring it up to her she gets emotional and cries telling me I can leave if I don't want to be a partner with her in this. Again, this came out of nowhere this year and I'm terrified.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more