I want to apologize for ghosting someone, but don’t know how or even if I should.

I was friends in college with a guy we will call Ryan. We got along super well, I could tell he was into me, and I liked him but wasn’t as into him as I’ve been into other guys. When it comes to relationships, I’m very all or nothing, and tend to not casually date. So I didn’t want to date him unless I was for sure into him (I wish I wasn’t this way, but here we are)

We hung out a lot, made out while drinking with friends twice, and slept together the second time. I was too drunk when this happened, and it wasn’t something I would have done if I was sober. I wish I could have acted normal about it or talked to him about it, but I just froze up after it happened and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I felt like I wasn’t in control of that happening, and sex isn’t something casual to me, which led me to feeling a lot of shame and embarrassment. I do not blame him at all for this, I was very into it at the time, and he told me how much fun he had the next day.

I don’t know exactly why I had the reaction I did, I tend to feel a lot of shame around casual sex....probably something a therapist could pick my brain about, but that’s not the point of the post.

He tried to be cool and asked two times if we could go out for dinner since then, but I said no both times and just acted super weird and ended up ghosting him completely. I know he had feelings for me and I left him confused and probably hurt.

It’s been over a year since this happened, and I want to finally apologize and let him know it’s my own head and nothing about him. However, I do not want to get into a relationship with him (he’s moved on I’m sure), and I don’t even know if I want to be friends with him. I just feel like I was majorly in the wrong and treated him poorly.

How do I bring this up? Or should I leave it alone and keep moving on?

The reason I’m thinking about it now is that I’ll be moving to the area he lives in now and I’m sure I’ll see him considering our mutual friends. When I see him, I think it’d be inconsiderate and confusing if I just acted like nothing happened.



Submitted May 28, 2019 at 12:29AM

I was friends in college with a guy we will call Ryan. We got along super well, I could tell he was into me, and I liked him but wasn’t as into him as I’ve been into other guys. When it comes to relationships, I’m very all or nothing, and tend to not casually date. So I didn’t want to date him unless I was for sure into him (I wish I wasn’t this way, but here we are)We hung out a lot, made out while drinking with friends twice, and slept together the second time. I was too drunk when this happened, and it wasn’t something I would have done if I was sober. I wish I could have acted normal about it or talked to him about it, but I just froze up after it happened and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I felt like I wasn’t in control of that happening, and sex isn’t something casual to me, which led me to feeling a lot of shame and embarrassment. I do not blame him at all for this, I was very into it at the time, and he told me how much fun he had the next day.I don’t know exactly why I had the reaction I did, I tend to feel a lot of shame around casual sex....probably something a therapist could pick my brain about, but that’s not the point of the post.He tried to be cool and asked two times if we could go out for dinner since then, but I said no both times and just acted super weird and ended up ghosting him completely. I know he had feelings for me and I left him confused and probably hurt.It’s been over a year since this happened, and I want to finally apologize and let him know it’s my own head and nothing about him. However, I do not want to get into a relationship with him (he’s moved on I’m sure), and I don’t even know if I want to be friends with him. I just feel like I was majorly in the wrong and treated him poorly.How do I bring this up? Or should I leave it alone and keep moving on?The reason I’m thinking about it now is that I’ll be moving to the area he lives in now and I’m sure I’ll see him considering our mutual friends. When I see him, I think it’d be inconsiderate and confusing if I just acted like nothing happened.
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