I [30M] have been alone for a good while and find myself addicted to the misery of loneliness.

I have dated, but no real gf or relationship to speak of (over the course of my life) and whenever it does happen, which has been fairly sparse, I find it is more serendipitous than actually my doing. I've been alone, some might even say solitary, for quite some time. Social anxiety keeps me from doing much and I have created the narrative that work and other priorities come first. My problem is when I see couples, friends and their gf's, guys in my apartment block with their significant others, I become increasingly jealous. Maybe its natural, but what follows is a constant retreat into myself. I have ruminated on this bad trait I possess and its not me looking internally, but rather a depressive feeling that consumes me. It usually saps my energy and sends me into depression where I have to claw my way out. I am trying to break the habit with positive thoughts. I honestly don't want to be alone and which woman would date a man that is depressed and all consumed by negative emotions.

I really cannot stand the fact that I actually find my mind feeding into this state like an addiction. When you don't see results (in dating) and you struggle to meet women and to top it all off you see others succeeding far beyond your current capabilities then its the same analogy as the poor protesting the rich. You lack care and you want to burn the whole system to the ground. I, don't literally want to burn any system down but the angst gives me this wild freedom to say the harshest things to people (generally guys with gf's or women) just to make people feel my pain. When you take into consideration how blunt I am already this has a tendency to alienate people, which isolates you, which feeds into the solitary narrative, and round and round we go.

So far, as I said, I am trying to catch these negative thoughts and rewrite that file with something more loving and positive.

Does anyone else feel this way or have any advice?

Submitted May 27, 2019 at 11:49PM

I have dated, but no real gf or relationship to speak of (over the course of my life) and whenever it does happen, which has been fairly sparse, I find it is more serendipitous than actually my doing. I've been alone, some might even say solitary, for quite some time. Social anxiety keeps me from doing much and I have created the narrative that work and other priorities come first. My problem is when I see couples, friends and their gf's, guys in my apartment block with their significant others, I become increasingly jealous. Maybe its natural, but what follows is a constant retreat into myself. I have ruminated on this bad trait I possess and its not me looking internally, but rather a depressive feeling that consumes me. It usually saps my energy and sends me into depression where I have to claw my way out. I am trying to break the habit with positive thoughts. I honestly don't want to be alone and which woman would date a man that is depressed and all consumed by negative emotions.I really cannot stand the fact that I actually find my mind feeding into this state like an addiction. When you don't see results (in dating) and you struggle to meet women and to top it all off you see others succeeding far beyond your current capabilities then its the same analogy as the poor protesting the rich. You lack care and you want to burn the whole system to the ground. I, don't literally want to burn any system down but the angst gives me this wild freedom to say the harshest things to people (generally guys with gf's or women) just to make people feel my pain. When you take into consideration how blunt I am already this has a tendency to alienate people, which isolates you, which feeds into the solitary narrative, and round and round we go.So far, as I said, I am trying to catch these negative thoughts and rewrite that file with something more loving and positive.Does anyone else feel this way or have any advice?