Awesome woman, possible sexual incompatibility

Trying to figure our how to navigate this. My back story is that I dealt with an 18 year marriage that was seriously screwed up. Been out for a while and have met someone special. Very special. She is the love of my life. But there is a problem that seems petty, just as the last time I posted here feels petty (bullshit about her and a friend).

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I love her and consider her my SO. We've talked about marriage and aren't officially publicly engaged, but have acknowledged the silliness of privately committing to marriage without a public engagement. So our relationship is at a level of seriousness best defined as "it's complicated". You can think whatever you want of that, but it's only background, not the point of this.

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So....because things aren't already complicated enough....We are doing long distance for a period of time! About 3 hours apart. So not super long distance, but long distance enough.

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She came to town this weekend. Showed up Friday night and was tired, zero interest in sex. I was tired as hell, ready to pass out, but wanted nothing more than to have sex with her before we went to sleep. We cuddled our way to sleep (no sex, but plenty of intimacy) but I brought it up the next day. My idea of acceptable frequency is once every 2-3 days, at an absolute minimum. Hers is once every week or two. Maybe a couple times a week if everything is lining up. The early days of our relationship we ****ed like rabbits because we were both starved from long term droughts. Seriously if we had any privacy, we were all over each other. As the pace has slowed I've become concerned.

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I know sex isn't everything. And I feel crazy because I'm considering breaking things off with a woman I would absolutely marry based on everything but this. But I have to feel that consistent physical connection. And every week or two does not satisfy me. I can't fathom spending a week apart and being able to keep our hands off each-other. What I expected was making out and slobbering over each other within moments of reconnecting. What she expected was "meh, maybe tomorrow". I feel insane, she is otherwise "perfect" and I don't want a relationship dictated by sex.

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But her response that I was unreasonable felt dismissive. I can't fathom living with another mismatched expectation on sex frequency. But I feel so petty considering letting this get in the way. I'm a truly insane at this point?

Submitted May 28, 2019 at 06:13AM

Trying to figure our how to navigate this. My back story is that I dealt with an 18 year marriage that was seriously screwed up. Been out for a while and have met someone special. Very special. She is the love of my life. But there is a problem that seems petty, just as the last time I posted here feels petty (bullshit about her and a friend).​I love her and consider her my SO. We've talked about marriage and aren't officially publicly engaged, but have acknowledged the silliness of privately committing to marriage without a public engagement. So our relationship is at a level of seriousness best defined as "it's complicated". You can think whatever you want of that, but it's only background, not the point of this.​So....because things aren't already complicated enough....We are doing long distance for a period of time! About 3 hours apart. So not super long distance, but long distance enough.​She came to town this weekend. Showed up Friday night and was tired, zero interest in sex. I was tired as hell, ready to pass out, but wanted nothing more than to have sex with her before we went to sleep. We cuddled our way to sleep (no sex, but plenty of intimacy) but I brought it up the next day. My idea of acceptable frequency is once every 2-3 days, at an absolute minimum. Hers is once every week or two. Maybe a couple times a week if everything is lining up. The early days of our relationship we ****ed like rabbits because we were both starved from long term droughts. Seriously if we had any privacy, we were all over each other. As the pace has slowed I've become concerned.​I know sex isn't everything. And I feel crazy because I'm considering breaking things off with a woman I would absolutely marry based on everything but this. But I have to feel that consistent physical connection. And every week or two does not satisfy me. I can't fathom spending a week apart and being able to keep our hands off each-other. What I expected was making out and slobbering over each other within moments of reconnecting. What she expected was "meh, maybe tomorrow". I feel insane, she is otherwise "perfect" and I don't want a relationship dictated by sex.​But her response that I was unreasonable felt dismissive. I can't fathom living with another mismatched expectation on sex frequency. But I feel so petty considering letting this get in the way. I'm a truly insane at this point?