Love Is An Odd Thing

There’s a certain sense of beauty about her. It’s not something you’d find written in a Hallmark card nor cleverly tucked away in an old Japanese haiku dating hundreds of years ago. No this is something that you have to had truly been in the moment to realize and let it sit for a while. Letting it sit to age like a wine, even though I’m no wine connoisseur, but it gets better with time.

I look at her everyday she’s here and miss her everyday she’s not but I allow myself space and give her the much needed break from me. I don’t need to suffocate someone when nothing is said in stone. My mental and physical health have been staggering for the last months into years so maybe that’s all getting to me in an emotional way. I want to be better than I am now but I can’t, thanks to kidney failure, but I try to keep my head up and let the crying nights and splitting headaches, and random nausea be only a momentary lapse in my male “machismo.” She’s wonderful and great and I’m only less than that at the moment and that prevents me from moving forward to say what I want to say and be what I’d like us to be.

We’re great friends sprouted from literally nowhere and in only months time, we’ve grown closer, I’d like to think. We share the same but never forced my male fantasies on her; I wash her clothes and dry as if it were my own with the same attention; I sleep with the comforting feeling that I am not alone and while she may be restless at night sometimes, with the accidental hitting, I don’t mind at all. I sleep like a rock and even later than usual. I hope that she’s comfortable being here with me, but not “with” me.

Physically she is a goddess, mentally she’s a little difficult to figure out but that’s not why I’m here. She’s well rounded in a way that I cannot explain not care to. She has beautiful hair which she thinks is too short; her figure is incredibly built, and small details that follow are just the cherries on top. She’s got gorgeous eyes that seem to stare at you and through you; her lips are always soft, at least they look soft, her fingers are beautiful little appendages, and her smile is amazing. Cliché? Sure but what is not admiring if it doesn’t sound like a cheap Valentine’s Day card minus the chocolate?

She may think I’m a nerd, I definitely am but that’s the glory of me. I’m being me with and without her, she knows only the true me 100% of the time. And I hope she can see and respect that. Sure, I’m still a guy with urges but they don’t define my feelings towards her. Does it make me different, maybe maybe not? She just needs to know that I’d treat her as if she were glass and keep her safe if I could. She’s absolutely amazing and I love it. Once, she mentioned how our ex’s are usually opposites of the previous ones and that’s kind of true, not that we’re dating, but she’s the opposite of my ex and I’m sure I’m the opposite of hers but who knows. I just wanted to let it be known that she is literally the most wonderful person that I’ve been lucky to have in my life in a long time.

Here’s to not letting that change but letting whatever is meant to happen, happen.

Submitted May 27, 2019 at 09:45AM

There’s a certain sense of beauty about her. It’s not something you’d find written in a Hallmark card nor cleverly tucked away in an old Japanese haiku dating hundreds of years ago. No this is something that you have to had truly been in the moment to realize and let it sit for a while. Letting it sit to age like a wine, even though I’m no wine connoisseur, but it gets better with time.I look at her everyday she’s here and miss her everyday she’s not but I allow myself space and give her the much needed break from me. I don’t need to suffocate someone when nothing is said in stone. My mental and physical health have been staggering for the last months into years so maybe that’s all getting to me in an emotional way. I want to be better than I am now but I can’t, thanks to kidney failure, but I try to keep my head up and let the crying nights and splitting headaches, and random nausea be only a momentary lapse in my male “machismo.” She’s wonderful and great and I’m only less than that at the moment and that prevents me from moving forward to say what I want to say and be what I’d like us to be.We’re great friends sprouted from literally nowhere and in only months time, we’ve grown closer, I’d like to think. We share the same but never forced my male fantasies on her; I wash her clothes and dry as if it were my own with the same attention; I sleep with the comforting feeling that I am not alone and while she may be restless at night sometimes, with the accidental hitting, I don’t mind at all. I sleep like a rock and even later than usual. I hope that she’s comfortable being here with me, but not “with” me.Physically she is a goddess, mentally she’s a little difficult to figure out but that’s not why I’m here. She’s well rounded in a way that I cannot explain not care to. She has beautiful hair which she thinks is too short; her figure is incredibly built, and small details that follow are just the cherries on top. She’s got gorgeous eyes that seem to stare at you and through you; her lips are always soft, at least they look soft, her fingers are beautiful little appendages, and her smile is amazing. Cliché? Sure but what is not admiring if it doesn’t sound like a cheap Valentine’s Day card minus the chocolate?She may think I’m a nerd, I definitely am but that’s the glory of me. I’m being me with and without her, she knows only the true me 100% of the time. And I hope she can see and respect that. Sure, I’m still a guy with urges but they don’t define my feelings towards her. Does it make me different, maybe maybe not? She just needs to know that I’d treat her as if she were glass and keep her safe if I could. She’s absolutely amazing and I love it. Once, she mentioned how our ex’s are usually opposites of the previous ones and that’s kind of true, not that we’re dating, but she’s the opposite of my ex and I’m sure I’m the opposite of hers but who knows. I just wanted to let it be known that she is literally the most wonderful person that I’ve been lucky to have in my life in a long time.Here’s to not letting that change but letting whatever is meant to happen, happen.