Any advice on how to overcome fear of being vulnerable in dating?

This is my first post here, and I’m in a weird place right now. I [28F] have a problem with vulnerability in dating and was wondering if anyone can relate or could share any advice. For some reason I’m terrified of letting someone know how I feel about them because of this probably irrational idea that if I’m clingy or show too much interest, the other person will stop liking me.

After giving it some thought, I realized that all my past partners have been the other person letting me know how they feel first. Even though most of my past partners have been amazing people, I now realize I was never “in love “ with any of them, just a strong love as people and friends that I had confused with romantic love. Every single time I’ve felt strong romantic feelings towards someone, I freak out, overthink things, and end up messing things up so we never start a romantic relationship.

I’ve been currently dating someone[27M] for 3 months now, and we’re taking things slow. When we met, I was in a long distance open relationship, but broke it off after a month of dating this new person(for other reasons ). I’ve never felt a connection like this one with anyone else before, and I’m definitely falling in love with him.

I have a feeling that he’s not clear about what I want either, and that he’s trying to take things slow to avoid any attachment so soon after I broke up with my ex(about 2 months ago). I need to talk to him to know how he feels about me and if he sees any potential in this.

My gut tells me he feels the same way but that he’s scared. I might be wrong, and that’s why I need to talk to him. But it terrifies me to put myself out there like that. It must sound really stupid and I know it’s time to clear things up, but I want to approach it in a way that I don’t scare him off if there was a chance of this working out in the long run. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? Thanks!



Submitted May 04, 2019 at 04:58AM

This is my first post here, and I’m in a weird place right now. I [28F] have a problem with vulnerability in dating and was wondering if anyone can relate or could share any advice. For some reason I’m terrified of letting someone know how I feel about them because of this probably irrational idea that if I’m clingy or show too much interest, the other person will stop liking me.After giving it some thought, I realized that all my past partners have been the other person letting me know how they feel first. Even though most of my past partners have been amazing people, I now realize I was never “in love “ with any of them, just a strong love as people and friends that I had confused with romantic love. Every single time I’ve felt strong romantic feelings towards someone, I freak out, overthink things, and end up messing things up so we never start a romantic relationship.I’ve been currently dating someone[27M] for 3 months now, and we’re taking things slow. When we met, I was in a long distance open relationship, but broke it off after a month of dating this new person(for other reasons ). I’ve never felt a connection like this one with anyone else before, and I’m definitely falling in love with him.I have a feeling that he’s not clear about what I want either, and that he’s trying to take things slow to avoid any attachment so soon after I broke up with my ex(about 2 months ago). I need to talk to him to know how he feels about me and if he sees any potential in this.My gut tells me he feels the same way but that he’s scared. I might be wrong, and that’s why I need to talk to him. But it terrifies me to put myself out there like that. It must sound really stupid and I know it’s time to clear things up, but I want to approach it in a way that I don’t scare him off if there was a chance of this working out in the long run. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? Thanks!
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