32 and clueless. How do I even start dating again?

I recently got out of an 11-year relationship a few months ago that my therapist says she can only describe as emotionally abusive.

I've always wanted kids, but it was something constantly held over my head like a carrot like if I did enough I'd get make babies with this woman I loved faithfully and unconditionally. Then sex was the carrot. Then physical affection followed by emotional affection.

I've never been good at talking to women in any romantic capacity. I have zero game. I am so awkward, I constantly put my foot in my mouth when trying to break the ice or make jokes. This relationship has also left me feeling completely inadequate and unattractive. I legitimately do not know if I am even marginally attractive because I constantly feel like a troll due to years in this relationship that has been almost completely lacking in any positive feedback. My self-esteem is basically crushed.

I have no idea how to start meeting new people or even begin to start dating without immediately turning them off with all this baggage I'm carrying around now, or appearing desperate. I know I have a lot of good qualities and a lot to offer in a healthy relationship but I don't know where to start.

I'm trying to improve myself and work through this, going to the gym, trying out new hobbies, stuff like that. But it feels completely daunting. I feel like I've missed the boat.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated.



Submitted May 04, 2019 at 12:47AM

I recently got out of an 11-year relationship a few months ago that my therapist says she can only describe as emotionally abusive.I've always wanted kids, but it was something constantly held over my head like a carrot like if I did enough I'd get make babies with this woman I loved faithfully and unconditionally. Then sex was the carrot. Then physical affection followed by emotional affection.I've never been good at talking to women in any romantic capacity. I have zero game. I am so awkward, I constantly put my foot in my mouth when trying to break the ice or make jokes. This relationship has also left me feeling completely inadequate and unattractive. I legitimately do not know if I am even marginally attractive because I constantly feel like a troll due to years in this relationship that has been almost completely lacking in any positive feedback. My self-esteem is basically crushed.I have no idea how to start meeting new people or even begin to start dating without immediately turning them off with all this baggage I'm carrying around now, or appearing desperate. I know I have a lot of good qualities and a lot to offer in a healthy relationship but I don't know where to start.I'm trying to improve myself and work through this, going to the gym, trying out new hobbies, stuff like that. But it feels completely daunting. I feel like I've missed the boat.Any advice would be hugely appreciated.
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