X-Post from AITA: WIBTA if I refuse to date a woman my friends are trying to hook me up with because she's got children?

Two reasons for X-Post: 1: Apparently its way too common of a question over there and it was suggested I post here, and 2: I'm 38 and have been single for years as a direct result of this question, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm doomed to remain so unless I bend...

​

Some background:

​

I'm about as far from a kid person as they get. I don't like kids, never really have, I've even been called "monster" thanks to my attitude towards them on more than one occasion. I find them annoying and I've got essentially no patience for their shenanigans. I don't even like babies... the first, and usually only, thought I have when a baby is crying anywhere within earshot is "how long do I have to endure this before they shut up?", regardless of why they might be crying.

​

As a result of this, "No Kids" has been a cardinal rule of my love life for as long as I've been dating. Even while I was married for a time I wasn't really all that hot on the idea of children and that was a part of the reason for our divorce. My ex-wife didn't want kids until after we were married and I was never convinced it was a good idea as she started to get baby fever. Eventually she gave me the ultimatum "Baby or divorce" and, well, here we are.

​

Anyway, I've broken the rule a few times and always regretted it... If I wasn't all that hot on the idea of having my own children to raise, you can imagine how much I'd dislike having to be a father figure to another man's children. Even if I didn't have to step into that role, I find it onerous to have to pass everything dating activity through the lens of whether or not we can pull it off due to the kids. Want to stay out late? Nope, can't do it because the sitter leaves at 10pm. Can't go for a weekend vacation without bringing the kids, etc.

​

Fast forward to the present and now I'm 38 and its been very difficult to find a woman to date who doesn't already have kids. As a result, I've been single for several years and my friends have started to feel pity for me. Currently they are trying to hook me up with a 30 year old woman who's got two children, 3 and 6, and as usual I'm balking at the idea. The difference is now they are starting to drop comments on me like "you're going to die alone unless you stop being an asshole and accept some children into your life". I will say that she's near perfect aside from having children... fun, attractive, intelligent, etc... but that one negative is a massive one for me.

​

So that's the question: WIBTA / AITA for not wanting to date this person because of her kids?

​

Additional question: Am I doomed to remain single if I'm not willing to date women with children now that I'm of an age where there just aren't really any single women without them?

​

EDIT: I wouldn't go so far as to say that I dislike all children. If they are extremely well behaved, disciplined, intelligent, and mature for their age, I actually enjoy being around them... basically if they don't act like kids. That said, I know that's an extremely high bar to set and more than a little unreasonable and to be perfectly honest, I can count the number of children whom have fallen into this category over the last 20 years in the single digits.

​

EDIT 2: At this point its been made pretty clear that I'm not an asshole for knowing what I want, but now that means the second question I posed is all the more important and I'm hoping to get input on it here. Maybe I'm not wrong for not wanting / liking children, but I still desire love / romance in my life and the prospects for this seem slimmer every day without accepting children as part of the package. Does it make any sense at this point for me to try to reevaluate this deal-breaker, or would that be a mistake considering how I feel about children in general? Also, have I really reached an age where its "accept children or die alone", or are there women out there without children even at my age?

EDIT 3: AITA / WIBTA = "Am I The Asshole" and "Would I Be The Asshole"

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 10:43PM

Two reasons for X-Post: 1: Apparently its way too common of a question over there and it was suggested I post here, and 2: I'm 38 and have been single for years as a direct result of this question, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm doomed to remain so unless I bend...​Some background:​I'm about as far from a kid person as they get. I don't like kids, never really have, I've even been called "monster" thanks to my attitude towards them on more than one occasion. I find them annoying and I've got essentially no patience for their shenanigans. I don't even like babies... the first, and usually only, thought I have when a baby is crying anywhere within earshot is "how long do I have to endure this before they shut up?", regardless of why they might be crying.​As a result of this, "No Kids" has been a cardinal rule of my love life for as long as I've been dating. Even while I was married for a time I wasn't really all that hot on the idea of children and that was a part of the reason for our divorce. My ex-wife didn't want kids until after we were married and I was never convinced it was a good idea as she started to get baby fever. Eventually she gave me the ultimatum "Baby or divorce" and, well, here we are.​Anyway, I've broken the rule a few times and always regretted it... If I wasn't all that hot on the idea of having my own children to raise, you can imagine how much I'd dislike having to be a father figure to another man's children. Even if I didn't have to step into that role, I find it onerous to have to pass everything dating activity through the lens of whether or not we can pull it off due to the kids. Want to stay out late? Nope, can't do it because the sitter leaves at 10pm. Can't go for a weekend vacation without bringing the kids, etc.​Fast forward to the present and now I'm 38 and its been very difficult to find a woman to date who doesn't already have kids. As a result, I've been single for several years and my friends have started to feel pity for me. Currently they are trying to hook me up with a 30 year old woman who's got two children, 3 and 6, and as usual I'm balking at the idea. The difference is now they are starting to drop comments on me like "you're going to die alone unless you stop being an asshole and accept some children into your life". I will say that she's near perfect aside from having children... fun, attractive, intelligent, etc... but that one negative is a massive one for me.​So that's the question: WIBTA / AITA for not wanting to date this person because of her kids?​Additional question: Am I doomed to remain single if I'm not willing to date women with children now that I'm of an age where there just aren't really any single women without them?​EDIT: I wouldn't go so far as to say that I dislike all children. If they are extremely well behaved, disciplined, intelligent, and mature for their age, I actually enjoy being around them... basically if they don't act like kids. That said, I know that's an extremely high bar to set and more than a little unreasonable and to be perfectly honest, I can count the number of children whom have fallen into this category over the last 20 years in the single digits.​EDIT 2: At this point its been made pretty clear that I'm not an asshole for knowing what I want, but now that means the second question I posed is all the more important and I'm hoping to get input on it here. Maybe I'm not wrong for not wanting / liking children, but I still desire love / romance in my life and the prospects for this seem slimmer every day without accepting children as part of the package. Does it make any sense at this point for me to try to reevaluate this deal-breaker, or would that be a mistake considering how I feel about children in general? Also, have I really reached an age where its "accept children or die alone", or are there women out there without children even at my age?EDIT 3: AITA / WIBTA = "Am I The Asshole" and "Would I Be The Asshole"