How I [29 M] can value myself better in relationships?

This blew my mind when a close friend mentioned it to me.

In my career, I have my shit together. I kill at every interview I do. I rack up more offers than I can count. I quickly turn down offers if they don't feel like a good fit. And even when I'm AT a job, if my position changes in a way that I no longer feel like there's a future, I'll immediately tell my manager and tell them to rectify it or I was walking away. Like... this is how I deal with my career and I have no problems and I do fine for myself.

My close friend knows this about me and he just asked... "why the hell are you not like this with your relationships?"

So.... I am a complete total utter pushover in relationships. Every relationship I've had with a girl (I've only have 2 "REAL" relationships, short-term ones notwithstanding), I always end up just doing whatever she wants. I honestly didn't, and.... still don't really see a problem with it. She wants to eat somewhere? I'm down to eat anything. She wants to do XYZ? I have no problem because I really am open to doing whatever. Okay, I guess these aren't actual problems.

But I guess the problem is when it comes to things more serious, like what I want out of a relationship, i.e. I want to take the next step in the relationship, whereas she doesn't, I would just.. be okay with it. I figured I love her and I'll try to make it work. It didn't work both times. It ended terribly.

Now I again... am in a similar dilemma with a girl I really like. We've dated for 3 months now and I want to become "exclusive". She doesn't. She wants things to stay as it is. AND YET, I KNOW IT'S ABSOLUTELY INSANE that my first thought is "oh that's.. okay. i guess i'll just wait until you're ready"

If this was a JOB, I would have started looking for a new job RIGHT away, and give my two weeks notice ASAP. But with this girl I have feelings for? Even though I know it's dumb, I plan to just wait for her and hope she comes around.... I know this is dumb, but I really like her and I really don't like the thought of not having her in my life

How can I take my mentality with my career and job, which I am pretty proud of, and apply it to my personal relationships?

.....

As I'm typing this out.. I actually think I answered my own question. I value my intelligence and my ability in my field/skillset. I don't think I value anything else about myself... maybe that's the problem?

tldr - how do i value myself in a relationship?

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 06:19AM

This blew my mind when a close friend mentioned it to me.In my career, I have my shit together. I kill at every interview I do. I rack up more offers than I can count. I quickly turn down offers if they don't feel like a good fit. And even when I'm AT a job, if my position changes in a way that I no longer feel like there's a future, I'll immediately tell my manager and tell them to rectify it or I was walking away. Like... this is how I deal with my career and I have no problems and I do fine for myself.My close friend knows this about me and he just asked... "why the hell are you not like this with your relationships?"So.... I am a complete total utter pushover in relationships. Every relationship I've had with a girl (I've only have 2 "REAL" relationships, short-term ones notwithstanding), I always end up just doing whatever she wants. I honestly didn't, and.... still don't really see a problem with it. She wants to eat somewhere? I'm down to eat anything. She wants to do XYZ? I have no problem because I really am open to doing whatever. Okay, I guess these aren't actual problems.But I guess the problem is when it comes to things more serious, like what I want out of a relationship, i.e. I want to take the next step in the relationship, whereas she doesn't, I would just.. be okay with it. I figured I love her and I'll try to make it work. It didn't work both times. It ended terribly.Now I again... am in a similar dilemma with a girl I really like. We've dated for 3 months now and I want to become "exclusive". She doesn't. She wants things to stay as it is. AND YET, I KNOW IT'S ABSOLUTELY INSANE that my first thought is "oh that's.. okay. i guess i'll just wait until you're ready"If this was a JOB, I would have started looking for a new job RIGHT away, and give my two weeks notice ASAP. But with this girl I have feelings for? Even though I know it's dumb, I plan to just wait for her and hope she comes around.... I know this is dumb, but I really like her and I really don't like the thought of not having her in my lifeHow can I take my mentality with my career and job, which I am pretty proud of, and apply it to my personal relationships?.....As I'm typing this out.. I actually think I answered my own question. I value my intelligence and my ability in my field/skillset. I don't think I value anything else about myself... maybe that's the problem?tldr - how do i value myself in a relationship?