I have no idea what I'm doing

So that title pretty much sums up how I feel about dating in general. Quick history- I'm widowed, was happily married for 11 years, and was a 24/7 caregiver for 3 of those years. No trust issues, no real big issues of any kind really, everything was pretty good. Grief is a part of my life, but I lost my partner over the course of 3 years, and now it's been 8 months since he passed and I keep thinking about dating.

The problem is that last time I dated, I got engaged within weeks and married a year later. I'm a really awesome wife. (Toot toot... yep, haha) But I don't really know how to meet people or casually date or just find someone to do things with. I tried a little OLD and it was kind of awkward, at best. I'm a really good conversationalist, and probably too nice, which maybe leads to people thinking I'm more interested than I really am. I tried a speed dating night in my very smallish town which was a hysterical, entertaining disaster (for the "comedians," actually the men there seemed like they had been strong-armed into going by the owner who put it on. Nobody really seemed available, but it was great pratice at going out and talking with people. I had a lot of fun just being out for the night.)

​

So I guess that says most of it. I'm an average person, I have my shit squared away pretty well. I have pretty awesome kids. I have a mom bod that I'm working on, so I don't feel 100% confident, but I also have some interesting bed, um... preferences. It's been so damn long since any of that anyway, I'm sure there are cobwebs (it's been years... it's just another thing cancer stole from us, so away to the back burner it went.) I don't have credit card or student loan debt and own my house, though I'm not working yet. I think people see that as a turnoff, though I'm completely able to support myself and my family and I have plans to go to school in the fall. We just needed time off to heal, and it's been 100% worth it. I don't know... I don't see any huge character deficits, and I don't have a super picky list of deal-breakers.

​

I guess one big flaw is I ramble like a crazy person when I don't know what I'm talking about. ;) So all of that said, do you have any advice for me? I don't want a hookup and I'm not looking for "lets get married asap" status. I'd like very much to meet someone I'm compatible with to go do things together, talk with, tease, and enjoy our time together with. Whatever happens from that point, happens. How do you jump in??



Submitted April 08, 2019 at 06:08AM

So that title pretty much sums up how I feel about dating in general. Quick history- I'm widowed, was happily married for 11 years, and was a 24/7 caregiver for 3 of those years. No trust issues, no real big issues of any kind really, everything was pretty good. Grief is a part of my life, but I lost my partner over the course of 3 years, and now it's been 8 months since he passed and I keep thinking about dating.The problem is that last time I dated, I got engaged within weeks and married a year later. I'm a really awesome wife. (Toot toot... yep, haha) But I don't really know how to meet people or casually date or just find someone to do things with. I tried a little OLD and it was kind of awkward, at best. I'm a really good conversationalist, and probably too nice, which maybe leads to people thinking I'm more interested than I really am. I tried a speed dating night in my very smallish town which was a hysterical, entertaining disaster (for the "comedians," actually the men there seemed like they had been strong-armed into going by the owner who put it on. Nobody really seemed available, but it was great pratice at going out and talking with people. I had a lot of fun just being out for the night.)​So I guess that says most of it. I'm an average person, I have my shit squared away pretty well. I have pretty awesome kids. I have a mom bod that I'm working on, so I don't feel 100% confident, but I also have some interesting bed, um... preferences. It's been so damn long since any of that anyway, I'm sure there are cobwebs (it's been years... it's just another thing cancer stole from us, so away to the back burner it went.) I don't have credit card or student loan debt and own my house, though I'm not working yet. I think people see that as a turnoff, though I'm completely able to support myself and my family and I have plans to go to school in the fall. We just needed time off to heal, and it's been 100% worth it. I don't know... I don't see any huge character deficits, and I don't have a super picky list of deal-breakers.​I guess one big flaw is I ramble like a crazy person when I don't know what I'm talking about. ;) So all of that said, do you have any advice for me? I don't want a hookup and I'm not looking for "lets get married asap" status. I'd like very much to meet someone I'm compatible with to go do things together, talk with, tease, and enjoy our time together with. Whatever happens from that point, happens. How do you jump in??
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