Ghosted after six months of dating exclusively

This is a little long, apologies in advance: So I’ve been dating someone exclusively for almost 6 months. I’m a 39f and he’s a 37m. We met pretty organically. I’m a bartender, and he started coming in to my bar right when I opened (I found out later this was because he preferred it when it was quieter so he could talk to me) He seemed shy, a little awkward, and I honestly didn’t have a clue he was interested. I found him intriguing and attractive. This went on for about 2 months. In that time we developed a rapport. He also revealed that he was a cancer survivor of almost 3 years.

One day when we were chatting, I mentioned my dad and that fact that he was a retired craftsman. When I told him where he had worked he immediately said “I think I know your dad. I think I photographed him a few years ago (he’s a professional photographer) So he said to me “when I go home, I’ll dig out the photos and send them to you. I gave him my email, and later that night, he emailed me the photos, which were in fact my dad, and then he asked me out. I accepted and we texted a few days, and them met for a morning coffee and walk at the beach.

Things went well, and we starting spending more time together. Texting daily, going on walks, dinners, cooking at home, watching movies etc. About a month in he broached the subject of being exclusive, saying “I don’t consider myself available, I consider myself with you.. should we talk about it?” He told me he didn’t want to date anyone else, and he wanted to hold me, protect me and be a better man for me. I didn’t think people actually said these things in real life.

He also said on numerous occasions “I’m not going anywhere on you. I’m here. 100%. I felt safe and supported with him. He said he wanted to have an open and honest relationship. I was able to talk to him about anything. He was honestly the most emotionally available man I’d ever dated. I opened up to him about my mother’s death from cancer when I was 6, my nephew passing away 5 years ago, and my dads current dementia. I also opened up about my last relationship, which was sexually and emotionally abusive, and in which I suffered a miscarriage. He also opened up about his cancer, his treatments and his ongoing anxiety about getting sick again, and the after effects of the radiation. I know all of this sounds really heavy, but it felt as though we really understood each other in a way no one else ever had.

About three weeks ago, he had an appointment with a new doctor, to check his heart, which may have been affected from the radiation. He was very anxious about all of it and had warned me he gets distant close to appointments. (He still has cancer checkups every 6 months) For the past few weeks we’ve still been in contact, with him initiating dates which get canceled to due both of our schedules. All along saying he misses me, and apologizing for him being distant and saying everything is ok between us, and he appreciates me bearing with him because he knows it’s not easy. And then, one week ago, we were texting like normal while I was at work. At some point I got busy, told him to have a good night, and then nothing. I texted the next morning, and nothing. I’ve sent 3 texts since then, asking if everything is ok. Nothing. On day five, I sent him an email, saying I felt hurt and confused, and whatever it was, he could tell me. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, just say that. But I also said “you always stressed being open and honest, and I’m hurt that you can’t be open and honest with me now.” I ended it by saying, if you think there’s a chance we can get back on track I’d like that. And if not I’ll leave you be.

I have some things at his place, and I asked him if I could get them if that’s the case. Nothing. I can’t wrap my head around him ghosting me like this. Out of anyone I’ve ever dated, I never thought he would do this to me in 1 million years. It’s hurtful and disappointing to say the least. I don’t know how to get past this and ever trust anyone ever again. And I know our situation is somewhat unique because of his health issues. At what point does being patient and understanding become being made a fool of? I need some insight.

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 01:56AM

This is a little long, apologies in advance: So I’ve been dating someone exclusively for almost 6 months. I’m a 39f and he’s a 37m. We met pretty organically. I’m a bartender, and he started coming in to my bar right when I opened (I found out later this was because he preferred it when it was quieter so he could talk to me) He seemed shy, a little awkward, and I honestly didn’t have a clue he was interested. I found him intriguing and attractive. This went on for about 2 months. In that time we developed a rapport. He also revealed that he was a cancer survivor of almost 3 years.One day when we were chatting, I mentioned my dad and that fact that he was a retired craftsman. When I told him where he had worked he immediately said “I think I know your dad. I think I photographed him a few years ago (he’s a professional photographer) So he said to me “when I go home, I’ll dig out the photos and send them to you. I gave him my email, and later that night, he emailed me the photos, which were in fact my dad, and then he asked me out. I accepted and we texted a few days, and them met for a morning coffee and walk at the beach.Things went well, and we starting spending more time together. Texting daily, going on walks, dinners, cooking at home, watching movies etc. About a month in he broached the subject of being exclusive, saying “I don’t consider myself available, I consider myself with you.. should we talk about it?” He told me he didn’t want to date anyone else, and he wanted to hold me, protect me and be a better man for me. I didn’t think people actually said these things in real life.He also said on numerous occasions “I’m not going anywhere on you. I’m here. 100%. I felt safe and supported with him. He said he wanted to have an open and honest relationship. I was able to talk to him about anything. He was honestly the most emotionally available man I’d ever dated. I opened up to him about my mother’s death from cancer when I was 6, my nephew passing away 5 years ago, and my dads current dementia. I also opened up about my last relationship, which was sexually and emotionally abusive, and in which I suffered a miscarriage. He also opened up about his cancer, his treatments and his ongoing anxiety about getting sick again, and the after effects of the radiation. I know all of this sounds really heavy, but it felt as though we really understood each other in a way no one else ever had.About three weeks ago, he had an appointment with a new doctor, to check his heart, which may have been affected from the radiation. He was very anxious about all of it and had warned me he gets distant close to appointments. (He still has cancer checkups every 6 months) For the past few weeks we’ve still been in contact, with him initiating dates which get canceled to due both of our schedules. All along saying he misses me, and apologizing for him being distant and saying everything is ok between us, and he appreciates me bearing with him because he knows it’s not easy. And then, one week ago, we were texting like normal while I was at work. At some point I got busy, told him to have a good night, and then nothing. I texted the next morning, and nothing. I’ve sent 3 texts since then, asking if everything is ok. Nothing. On day five, I sent him an email, saying I felt hurt and confused, and whatever it was, he could tell me. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, just say that. But I also said “you always stressed being open and honest, and I’m hurt that you can’t be open and honest with me now.” I ended it by saying, if you think there’s a chance we can get back on track I’d like that. And if not I’ll leave you be.I have some things at his place, and I asked him if I could get them if that’s the case. Nothing. I can’t wrap my head around him ghosting me like this. Out of anyone I’ve ever dated, I never thought he would do this to me in 1 million years. It’s hurtful and disappointing to say the least. I don’t know how to get past this and ever trust anyone ever again. And I know our situation is somewhat unique because of his health issues. At what point does being patient and understanding become being made a fool of? I need some insight.