Is it over for me? (31M)

This is my first post, please go easy on me. Apologies if this same thing gets asked every day here.

I'll try to keep a long story as short as possible. I'm a short, skinny guy. I'm 5'4", and weigh about 105lbs (I know, I've always been that way, and have tried to change it many, many times). I wouldn't say I'm the ugliest guy, but I'm not conventionally attractive. The girls I've dated in the past have all been gorgeous (I don't know how or why they were ever attracted to me). My first real relationship was when I was about 20, with a super pretty, kind of free-spirited girl. It was young love and we broke up, but remain friends today. My next relationship was a few years later in college, with a very beautiful and intelligent girl, we really loved each other and it was deep and meaningful, but ended up going different directions in life, and also remain friends. I dated another girl who I met on OkCupid not long after that, who was very pretty, intelligent and witty and fun, and she really loved me, but it was more of a fun, alcohol-fueled whirlwind of a relationship that only lasted a few months. During the in-between times, I had a few fun and successful hook-up type situations with some lovely girls, neither of us looking for anything serious. The next girl, shortly after this, I met on Tinder (I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and neither was she), was younger than me, absolutely perfect physically, smart, motivated, sweet, caring, the whole deal. She was barely 5' tall, which was great for me, being a short guy. We ended up staying together for almost 5 years, moving to a new city and moving in together, before she broke up with me, this was about 4 months ago. I've accepted the part that I played in her leaving (I struggle with alcohol use and depression, and she had her share of mental health issues as well), and have since made some major changes in my life.

When she left, I was obviously hurt and heartbroken, but I figured I would be ok eventually, given that it had always been fairly easy for me to find a new relationship. Since then though, after making some necessary changes in my life (I've gotten completely sober, started working out, career change, therapy, taking better care of myself, etc.), it has been basically impossible to meet someone new. I realize I'm only 4 months out of a 5 year relationship, and I still have work to do with myself, but since I started even testing the dating waters, it really hit me that it might just be over for me, I truly don't think I'll have another shot at meeting somebody. I was living in a large city before and got on the dating apps, got a decent amount of matches, and even went out on several dates. But I ended up moving back to the smaller city where I'm from, and tried again. I've gotten about one or two matches on all the apps (Bumble, OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, all that jazz). Basically zero luck, and I don't think that'll change. I struggle with heavy social anxiety, and while I have a few good friends around (all of whom are partnered or married), I really struggle with approaching women in person, especially since I've made the decision to not drink anymore. All of this is just causing me intense anxiety that I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life single. I know I'm probably not the only person to feel this way, but I'm trying to get used to going from being in a loving relationship for the last 5 years, and having great relationships before that, to suddenly feeling completely alone and unwanted at 31 years old. I don't know if there's really a certain answer I'm looking for here, but I thought maybe I could get some opinions from some people here who may be in similar situations. Maybe I'm just in a desperate state of mind at the moment. Anyway, should I be freaking out as much as I am? Does it really just get harder when you're in your 30's? Thanks to anyone who actually read all of this.

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 10:19PM

This is my first post, please go easy on me. Apologies if this same thing gets asked every day here.I'll try to keep a long story as short as possible. I'm a short, skinny guy. I'm 5'4", and weigh about 105lbs (I know, I've always been that way, and have tried to change it many, many times). I wouldn't say I'm the ugliest guy, but I'm not conventionally attractive. The girls I've dated in the past have all been gorgeous (I don't know how or why they were ever attracted to me). My first real relationship was when I was about 20, with a super pretty, kind of free-spirited girl. It was young love and we broke up, but remain friends today. My next relationship was a few years later in college, with a very beautiful and intelligent girl, we really loved each other and it was deep and meaningful, but ended up going different directions in life, and also remain friends. I dated another girl who I met on OkCupid not long after that, who was very pretty, intelligent and witty and fun, and she really loved me, but it was more of a fun, alcohol-fueled whirlwind of a relationship that only lasted a few months. During the in-between times, I had a few fun and successful hook-up type situations with some lovely girls, neither of us looking for anything serious. The next girl, shortly after this, I met on Tinder (I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time and neither was she), was younger than me, absolutely perfect physically, smart, motivated, sweet, caring, the whole deal. She was barely 5' tall, which was great for me, being a short guy. We ended up staying together for almost 5 years, moving to a new city and moving in together, before she broke up with me, this was about 4 months ago. I've accepted the part that I played in her leaving (I struggle with alcohol use and depression, and she had her share of mental health issues as well), and have since made some major changes in my life.When she left, I was obviously hurt and heartbroken, but I figured I would be ok eventually, given that it had always been fairly easy for me to find a new relationship. Since then though, after making some necessary changes in my life (I've gotten completely sober, started working out, career change, therapy, taking better care of myself, etc.), it has been basically impossible to meet someone new. I realize I'm only 4 months out of a 5 year relationship, and I still have work to do with myself, but since I started even testing the dating waters, it really hit me that it might just be over for me, I truly don't think I'll have another shot at meeting somebody. I was living in a large city before and got on the dating apps, got a decent amount of matches, and even went out on several dates. But I ended up moving back to the smaller city where I'm from, and tried again. I've gotten about one or two matches on all the apps (Bumble, OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, all that jazz). Basically zero luck, and I don't think that'll change. I struggle with heavy social anxiety, and while I have a few good friends around (all of whom are partnered or married), I really struggle with approaching women in person, especially since I've made the decision to not drink anymore. All of this is just causing me intense anxiety that I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life single. I know I'm probably not the only person to feel this way, but I'm trying to get used to going from being in a loving relationship for the last 5 years, and having great relationships before that, to suddenly feeling completely alone and unwanted at 31 years old. I don't know if there's really a certain answer I'm looking for here, but I thought maybe I could get some opinions from some people here who may be in similar situations. Maybe I'm just in a desperate state of mind at the moment. Anyway, should I be freaking out as much as I am? Does it really just get harder when you're in your 30's? Thanks to anyone who actually read all of this.