I'm (24F) considering breaking up with my gf (25F) of 10 years over our mixed sexuality

I posted this to AITA too, but they recommended I get some advice here.

I am 24F currently dating a 25F. We've been dating for almost 10 years at this point but one of the things that has plagued me for far too many years now is our mixed sexuality. I am asexual and they are bisexual (we're both biromantic). I am also sex negative meaning that I don't like sex at all.

The years have been weird. Back before things got really serious, one of the things I've explained to them is that they should feel comfortable dating other people at the same time as me. We were in college and high school. We were likely not to be soulmates. When things got serious and marriage started to not seem insane, I told them that they should feel free not to date people, but have sex with them since they're not having sex with me. They said they'd feel guilty doing that, and they'd rather stay celibate with me, then go and have sex with other people.

To her, it's not like before when we were dating other people because we thought things would never work out. To her, having sex outside of our marriage would basically be an affair. I can't help but feel guilty over that.

I never thought I would want to get married, so the thought of this reality never really bothered me. I always figured we would break up considering we've lived very different lives. But we've made it work from moving to different countries to severe bouts with depression. Its only natural that we would want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Now, I want to get married, even if it's not to them. But, I love them so much, and I can absolutely see getting married to them.

However, I can't, in good conscience know that if we do make things government official, they will spent the entirety of their lives celibate from their own guilt about extramarital sex. Sex is a big part of mental health, and an individuals life. Sex is important. I'm not that naive. The one year she's been celibate while we've been talking about marriage is nothing compared to decades. That is, if we don't get a divorce, which I only see as inevitable because of the reality of the importance of sex.

I also have been clear that I don't mind doing things for her, so long as she doesn't feel the need to reciprocate but we've tried that. She feels guilty not being able to reciprocate too. I don't want to be stuck in a marriage where both of us our guilty for our entire lives.

But at the same time, I'm stupidly, and hopelessly in love. We've been through so much together. I'd feel like a prick breaking up with her and dating some random person who doesn't mind extramarital sex, or dating another asexual person.

I really don't know what to do.

tldr; I'm asexual and my partner is not. Our compromises don't seem to work because we both end up feeling guilty, but we're both in love with each other and want things to work. It doesn't seem possible, but I'd feel guilty even breaking up with her.

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 06:26AM

I posted this to AITA too, but they recommended I get some advice here.I am 24F currently dating a 25F. We've been dating for almost 10 years at this point but one of the things that has plagued me for far too many years now is our mixed sexuality. I am asexual and they are bisexual (we're both biromantic). I am also sex negative meaning that I don't like sex at all.The years have been weird. Back before things got really serious, one of the things I've explained to them is that they should feel comfortable dating other people at the same time as me. We were in college and high school. We were likely not to be soulmates. When things got serious and marriage started to not seem insane, I told them that they should feel free not to date people, but have sex with them since they're not having sex with me. They said they'd feel guilty doing that, and they'd rather stay celibate with me, then go and have sex with other people.To her, it's not like before when we were dating other people because we thought things would never work out. To her, having sex outside of our marriage would basically be an affair. I can't help but feel guilty over that.I never thought I would want to get married, so the thought of this reality never really bothered me. I always figured we would break up considering we've lived very different lives. But we've made it work from moving to different countries to severe bouts with depression. Its only natural that we would want to spend the rest of our lives together.Now, I want to get married, even if it's not to them. But, I love them so much, and I can absolutely see getting married to them.However, I can't, in good conscience know that if we do make things government official, they will spent the entirety of their lives celibate from their own guilt about extramarital sex. Sex is a big part of mental health, and an individuals life. Sex is important. I'm not that naive. The one year she's been celibate while we've been talking about marriage is nothing compared to decades. That is, if we don't get a divorce, which I only see as inevitable because of the reality of the importance of sex.I also have been clear that I don't mind doing things for her, so long as she doesn't feel the need to reciprocate but we've tried that. She feels guilty not being able to reciprocate too. I don't want to be stuck in a marriage where both of us our guilty for our entire lives.But at the same time, I'm stupidly, and hopelessly in love. We've been through so much together. I'd feel like a prick breaking up with her and dating some random person who doesn't mind extramarital sex, or dating another asexual person.I really don't know what to do.tldr; I'm asexual and my partner is not. Our compromises don't seem to work because we both end up feeling guilty, but we're both in love with each other and want things to work. It doesn't seem possible, but I'd feel guilty even breaking up with her.