Me [32 M] with my girlfriend [34 F] 6 year relationship, she just backhanded me tonight

We were having a lovely evening whilst driving home, singing, laughing and talking when my girlfriend asked me to pull over the car to fix the headlight that had gone out. She was afraid that we'd be pulled over and get a ticket even though I was the one driving. I felt pretty unconcerned, was willing to chance it and responded, "nah, we're ok," when she yelled my name in frustration and backhanded me so hard that my teeth clattered and my head rang. Its been over two hours and I can still feel where she hit me on my face.

She apologized right away and then started to yell at me about how I need to pull over in this mix of anger and fear in her voice. I was so immediately pissed that I veered the car over and slammed on the breaks, popped the hood and let her fix the light. I'm a mechanic but in that moment I was so shocked I just sat in the car and processed what happened while she fiddled with the plug.

When she got back in the car I started driving home again and I was just quiet for a long, long time. She sat in the passenger seat and tried to apologize and I cut her off and just lapsed into silence. She fiddled with her thumbs for a long time and looked out the window. I was overcome with a sense of compassion and empathy to immediately forgive her because I hated feeling her feel so bad. However, I resisted the urge and stewed until I formed to words to tell her (more or less) in a flat, angry tone:

"There are millions of men in the world that would have clocked you right then and there (I had no such impulse). I am overwhelmed with a desire to forgive you because I feel so much empathy for you right now and it dawns on me how f*cked up that impulse actually is. I'm so empathetic because I grew up in an abusive home and it became a survival mechanism over the years in order to avoid getting a beating. If our roles were reversed, I am 100% convinced that I would be walking home right now and we would have been immediately broken up. Whatever apology you have to say or comments to make, imagine our roles were reversed and pretend they were coming out of my mouth and see how all that sounds out loud."

She was quiet and said that I was right, and she would 100% understand if I wanted to break up with her right there. That anything she said would sound like what an abusive boyfriend or husband would say in that situation. She said that she gets frustrated with me a lot lately when I blow things off and that she didn't mean to hit me, it just happened. She promised never to do it again and doesn't expect me to forgive her.

All I told her was that I knew she was sorry, that no one was breaking up tonight and that I need to be mad about this for awhile. We haven't spoken since we got home.

I have no idea if I handled this right. How should I proceed from here? What further information do you need?

TLDR My girlfriend backhanded me super hard and I don't know what to do about it even after the apology

Submitted April 08, 2019 at 07:12AM

We were having a lovely evening whilst driving home, singing, laughing and talking when my girlfriend asked me to pull over the car to fix the headlight that had gone out. She was afraid that we'd be pulled over and get a ticket even though I was the one driving. I felt pretty unconcerned, was willing to chance it and responded, "nah, we're ok," when she yelled my name in frustration and backhanded me so hard that my teeth clattered and my head rang. Its been over two hours and I can still feel where she hit me on my face.She apologized right away and then started to yell at me about how I need to pull over in this mix of anger and fear in her voice. I was so immediately pissed that I veered the car over and slammed on the breaks, popped the hood and let her fix the light. I'm a mechanic but in that moment I was so shocked I just sat in the car and processed what happened while she fiddled with the plug.When she got back in the car I started driving home again and I was just quiet for a long, long time. She sat in the passenger seat and tried to apologize and I cut her off and just lapsed into silence. She fiddled with her thumbs for a long time and looked out the window. I was overcome with a sense of compassion and empathy to immediately forgive her because I hated feeling her feel so bad. However, I resisted the urge and stewed until I formed to words to tell her (more or less) in a flat, angry tone:"There are millions of men in the world that would have clocked you right then and there (I had no such impulse). I am overwhelmed with a desire to forgive you because I feel so much empathy for you right now and it dawns on me how f*cked up that impulse actually is. I'm so empathetic because I grew up in an abusive home and it became a survival mechanism over the years in order to avoid getting a beating. If our roles were reversed, I am 100% convinced that I would be walking home right now and we would have been immediately broken up. Whatever apology you have to say or comments to make, imagine our roles were reversed and pretend they were coming out of my mouth and see how all that sounds out loud."She was quiet and said that I was right, and she would 100% understand if I wanted to break up with her right there. That anything she said would sound like what an abusive boyfriend or husband would say in that situation. She said that she gets frustrated with me a lot lately when I blow things off and that she didn't mean to hit me, it just happened. She promised never to do it again and doesn't expect me to forgive her.All I told her was that I knew she was sorry, that no one was breaking up tonight and that I need to be mad about this for awhile. We haven't spoken since we got home.I have no idea if I handled this right. How should I proceed from here? What further information do you need?TLDR My girlfriend backhanded me super hard and I don't know what to do about it even after the apology