Me [35 M] with my wife [33 F] together 7 years, noticing a more recent coldness and distance, might be depression, there are some red flags though.

So I'll just try and jump right into it.

A few weeks ago I started to notice my wife was breaking her normal routine. What used to be nights where we would cuddle and talk was no longer happening, at one point I even got sick where I was sleeping on the touch pretty much all day and I think my wife never even bothered to check on me cept twice, not saying I need a nanny just something that I noticed as uncharacteristic. What has replaced our normal nightly cuddle and talks has been her playing video games with friends.

A slight backstory, her and I have struggled with this before, I tend to argue she plays games a bit too much, so much that I feel like we dont get enough time together, her routine is fairly often, get home, shower, play video games pretty much until she goes to bed. Generally I stay up later as I get to work later but sometimes I am exhausted and want to crash earlier, every time I did that she would pretty much ignore the fact im going to bed and just continue playing games.

Now I'm not saying playing games is wrong, or having hobbies that dont involve your spouse are bad, believe me I love my alone time as much as the next person, but I also need to affirmation about the relationship, that sort of temperature check that we had nightly, where we would talk, flirt a little and make sure everything was good. I just dont feel like it's there anymore, I feel like a roommate more now who sometimes gets the minimalist of attention to make sure I dont run away. We've also had fights about this before, part of me feels like she is using her online persona as a way to escape reality, which hurts because I am a big part of the reality.

Let's get to the red flags though, first she had a bad dream, which made her bring up "Im afraid you're going to resent me if we get older". I reassured her that I am here by my own choice, I also told her it's really not fair to have a dream be held against me since Im not responsible for that, but also that this is way out of no where for me and it almost feels like she was trying to make something wrong in the relationship. Next flag, I was fixing her computer up for her and noticed she was no longer in her chat program (discord) in the entire time we've been together I dont think shes ever signed out of it, and I've been tasked to fix her computer a few times.

Now I'm not one to voice my complaints in relationships often, its a bad habit where I bottle shit up and let it go kaboom but I'm trying to be better, so I brought up my concerns and I asked point blank if she still wants to be with me. The response I got wasn't entirely what I expected, she told shes been depressed lately, I asked her if it was about us or life in generally, she wouldn't really answer it but said it was mostly in general, she said I was boring at one point as well AND that she didn't want to bring me down. So pretty much not reaffirming anything for me at all and kinda making me think "Well this is pretty fucked now." But I also know she gets depressed, I know people who are depressed do some dumb things sometimes, I asked her if she wants to see someone she was pretty non committal on that one.

So I've been kinda dealing with all this and holding it in, most nights I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, others angry, I want to know if shes checked out? Like if you dont want to be with me thats fine, I'll be sad and mourn the relationship for what it was and move on. I also just kinda want advise, people who may have been depressed or dealt with this depression where it seems like you or someone else tried to destroy the relationship. I dont think shes cheating on me, at least not on a physical level, but I could see her replacing me with someone online as her emotional partner, as I said thats kinda the part I noticed the most emotionally shes just gone.

Thank you for reading this far and I hope you all got some great advise for me cause my insides have been a burning knot for over a week, and I try and act like I'm ok but I can only do it so well.

tl;dr: Wife is distant, shes playing video games increasingly compared to the past, I feel neglected emotionally in the relationship and unsure if my wife is moving on or just depressed. Eitherway it sucks and hurts like hell.

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 06:33AM

So I'll just try and jump right into it.A few weeks ago I started to notice my wife was breaking her normal routine. What used to be nights where we would cuddle and talk was no longer happening, at one point I even got sick where I was sleeping on the touch pretty much all day and I think my wife never even bothered to check on me cept twice, not saying I need a nanny just something that I noticed as uncharacteristic. What has replaced our normal nightly cuddle and talks has been her playing video games with friends.A slight backstory, her and I have struggled with this before, I tend to argue she plays games a bit too much, so much that I feel like we dont get enough time together, her routine is fairly often, get home, shower, play video games pretty much until she goes to bed. Generally I stay up later as I get to work later but sometimes I am exhausted and want to crash earlier, every time I did that she would pretty much ignore the fact im going to bed and just continue playing games.Now I'm not saying playing games is wrong, or having hobbies that dont involve your spouse are bad, believe me I love my alone time as much as the next person, but I also need to affirmation about the relationship, that sort of temperature check that we had nightly, where we would talk, flirt a little and make sure everything was good. I just dont feel like it's there anymore, I feel like a roommate more now who sometimes gets the minimalist of attention to make sure I dont run away. We've also had fights about this before, part of me feels like she is using her online persona as a way to escape reality, which hurts because I am a big part of the reality.Let's get to the red flags though, first she had a bad dream, which made her bring up "Im afraid you're going to resent me if we get older". I reassured her that I am here by my own choice, I also told her it's really not fair to have a dream be held against me since Im not responsible for that, but also that this is way out of no where for me and it almost feels like she was trying to make something wrong in the relationship. Next flag, I was fixing her computer up for her and noticed she was no longer in her chat program (discord) in the entire time we've been together I dont think shes ever signed out of it, and I've been tasked to fix her computer a few times.Now I'm not one to voice my complaints in relationships often, its a bad habit where I bottle shit up and let it go kaboom but I'm trying to be better, so I brought up my concerns and I asked point blank if she still wants to be with me. The response I got wasn't entirely what I expected, she told shes been depressed lately, I asked her if it was about us or life in generally, she wouldn't really answer it but said it was mostly in general, she said I was boring at one point as well AND that she didn't want to bring me down. So pretty much not reaffirming anything for me at all and kinda making me think "Well this is pretty fucked now." But I also know she gets depressed, I know people who are depressed do some dumb things sometimes, I asked her if she wants to see someone she was pretty non committal on that one.So I've been kinda dealing with all this and holding it in, most nights I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, others angry, I want to know if shes checked out? Like if you dont want to be with me thats fine, I'll be sad and mourn the relationship for what it was and move on. I also just kinda want advise, people who may have been depressed or dealt with this depression where it seems like you or someone else tried to destroy the relationship. I dont think shes cheating on me, at least not on a physical level, but I could see her replacing me with someone online as her emotional partner, as I said thats kinda the part I noticed the most emotionally shes just gone.Thank you for reading this far and I hope you all got some great advise for me cause my insides have been a burning knot for over a week, and I try and act like I'm ok but I can only do it so well.tl;dr: Wife is distant, shes playing video games increasingly compared to the past, I feel neglected emotionally in the relationship and unsure if my wife is moving on or just depressed. Eitherway it sucks and hurts like hell.