I [22F] want to get back together with my ex [28F]. Problem is, I'm moving in a month.

My ex and I were together for nearly 2 years before I ended it back in January. We loved each other so much, but there were definitely ups and downs, with a lot of the issues being because of me and a lot of my own personal issues. I was immature, selfish, and always defensive. I would do the things I wanted to do, and when my partner got upset with me, I would spin it so that somehow I was the victim and he was the jerk for being upset. I felt jealous of how many friends he had, and how I really only had him after a falling out with my friend group. I put him on the back burner to the rest of my life because I expected him to eventually forgive me.

It was so horribly wrong and I realized how toxic I was, but I can honestly say that I have been trying to be better. In spite of everything I did, he still loved me furiously. He still wanted to see me, be with me, do things for me, etc. He was a great partner to me, but because of how I acted, he started to resent me to the point of being unable to have sex with me. We had sex maybe once in the last 5-6 months of our relationship, and before that our sex life was equally slow since the start of 2018 and it hurt me. I had put on a little weight due to medication and was feeling ugly, a feeling which was only intensified by my partner's rejection of me sexually. I asked him what I could do to make it better, and he just asked for time. After roughly a year had passed of him just asking for more time, I grew resentful. In typical me fashion, I focused more on him denying me sex than what I had done to get us in that position. I ended it, and we promised to remain friends.

I know he missed me after, and I missed him too. But I didn't feel like I could go back to him yet. I didn't feel like anything had changed and if we did get back together, I wanted it to be for good. We had previously discussed marriage, and I really still thought that could be possible for us one day. So we stayed apart, seeing each other every few weeks to catch up. I started working out and eating better, lost almost all the weight I gained, made new friends, started going to therapy more, and started focusing on my future.

I feel better than ever about myself, but I still think about him. I've tried going on dates to see if I'm just missing the companionship, but that's not it. I tried sleeping with other people to see if I just needed that, but it just made me miss him more. I still love him, and don't think there is anyone out there that I would want instead.

So that takes me to to my present issue. I thought I wanted him back, but I knew for sure after last night. He invited me over and we slept together, and I ended up staying the night. I felt like everything I had been trying to feel for other people came back full force, and I knew without a doubt that I missed him and wanted him back. The bad thing is though, that there are so many potential issues. I'm in my last semester at college and graduate in 4 weeks, after which I will go live with my parents (in another state) for the summer before I move again to start law school in a city 2 hours away from where I live presently (and where my ex lives). I'm afraid of putting myself out there and our relationship being unable to survive long distance so soon after getting back together, and that maybe I should just let him move on.

More than anything though, I'm worried about me selfishly coming back into his life. I love him so much and I feel so much regret about how I treated him in the past, and I don't want this to be another instance of me doing what I want and throwing caution to the wind at the expense of his feelings. I know that if we did get back together, I would be a better girlfriend to him, but I also know that he deserves far better than me after what I put him through. Maybe the right thing to do here is to let him go be with someone else and start fresh, even if I regret it for the rest of my life. I don't know. What do I do? Confess my feelings, or suck it up and let him move on?

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TL;DR

I want to get back together with my ex after putting him through the wringer in our 2 year relationship. I know I've changed, but I move in 4 weeks and don't know if I should confess how I feel.

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 05:52AM

My ex and I were together for nearly 2 years before I ended it back in January. We loved each other so much, but there were definitely ups and downs, with a lot of the issues being because of me and a lot of my own personal issues. I was immature, selfish, and always defensive. I would do the things I wanted to do, and when my partner got upset with me, I would spin it so that somehow I was the victim and he was the jerk for being upset. I felt jealous of how many friends he had, and how I really only had him after a falling out with my friend group. I put him on the back burner to the rest of my life because I expected him to eventually forgive me.It was so horribly wrong and I realized how toxic I was, but I can honestly say that I have been trying to be better. In spite of everything I did, he still loved me furiously. He still wanted to see me, be with me, do things for me, etc. He was a great partner to me, but because of how I acted, he started to resent me to the point of being unable to have sex with me. We had sex maybe once in the last 5-6 months of our relationship, and before that our sex life was equally slow since the start of 2018 and it hurt me. I had put on a little weight due to medication and was feeling ugly, a feeling which was only intensified by my partner's rejection of me sexually. I asked him what I could do to make it better, and he just asked for time. After roughly a year had passed of him just asking for more time, I grew resentful. In typical me fashion, I focused more on him denying me sex than what I had done to get us in that position. I ended it, and we promised to remain friends.I know he missed me after, and I missed him too. But I didn't feel like I could go back to him yet. I didn't feel like anything had changed and if we did get back together, I wanted it to be for good. We had previously discussed marriage, and I really still thought that could be possible for us one day. So we stayed apart, seeing each other every few weeks to catch up. I started working out and eating better, lost almost all the weight I gained, made new friends, started going to therapy more, and started focusing on my future.I feel better than ever about myself, but I still think about him. I've tried going on dates to see if I'm just missing the companionship, but that's not it. I tried sleeping with other people to see if I just needed that, but it just made me miss him more. I still love him, and don't think there is anyone out there that I would want instead.So that takes me to to my present issue. I thought I wanted him back, but I knew for sure after last night. He invited me over and we slept together, and I ended up staying the night. I felt like everything I had been trying to feel for other people came back full force, and I knew without a doubt that I missed him and wanted him back. The bad thing is though, that there are so many potential issues. I'm in my last semester at college and graduate in 4 weeks, after which I will go live with my parents (in another state) for the summer before I move again to start law school in a city 2 hours away from where I live presently (and where my ex lives). I'm afraid of putting myself out there and our relationship being unable to survive long distance so soon after getting back together, and that maybe I should just let him move on.More than anything though, I'm worried about me selfishly coming back into his life. I love him so much and I feel so much regret about how I treated him in the past, and I don't want this to be another instance of me doing what I want and throwing caution to the wind at the expense of his feelings. I know that if we did get back together, I would be a better girlfriend to him, but I also know that he deserves far better than me after what I put him through. Maybe the right thing to do here is to let him go be with someone else and start fresh, even if I regret it for the rest of my life. I don't know. What do I do? Confess my feelings, or suck it up and let him move on?​TL;DRI want to get back together with my ex after putting him through the wringer in our 2 year relationship. I know I've changed, but I move in 4 weeks and don't know if I should confess how I feel.