Have you and your spouse disagreed on number of kids? How did you get through it?

My husband (35M) and I (33F) have been together for seven years, married for four, and have an almost three-year-old.

I knew early on that my husband wanted multiple kids. I was open to the idea of having 2-3 kids because that’s typical in our social circles.

I wasn’t the type who had always wanted to be a mom, but I also wasn’t opposed to the idea. I am an only child and never pined for a sibling growing up, although, to be fair, I lived in the same household as a first cousin, so it was like having a brother.

My husband had an older brother who passed away in their teens and has a younger brother who he’s still very close to.

We’re approaching the point where it feels like we have to make a decision about kid #2, and we’re tentatively planning to start trying later this year. I’m becoming less keen on the idea, and I’ve playfully brought up the idea of our son staying an only child, but we haven’t had a serious conversation about not having more kids. (It’s clear that he still wants more kids.)

Life is good and easy right now, yet our marriage is in a bit of a rut. I’m afraid having more kids will put more of a strain on our relationship that we won’t know how to deal with. I don’t want to resent him for “making me” have another kid. Similarly, I’m afraid that being obstinate about not having more kids will add more tension to our relationship.

I do believe seeing a couples therapist can help us navigate existing tensions, including having more kids. While he’s agreed to seeing one in principle, neither of us has made an appointment to actually see one. I do have an individual counseling appointment booked, and I hope it’ll help work through some of my uncertainties about having more kids.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you and your spouse get through it?

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 06:35AM

My husband (35M) and I (33F) have been together for seven years, married for four, and have an almost three-year-old.I knew early on that my husband wanted multiple kids. I was open to the idea of having 2-3 kids because that’s typical in our social circles.I wasn’t the type who had always wanted to be a mom, but I also wasn’t opposed to the idea. I am an only child and never pined for a sibling growing up, although, to be fair, I lived in the same household as a first cousin, so it was like having a brother.My husband had an older brother who passed away in their teens and has a younger brother who he’s still very close to.We’re approaching the point where it feels like we have to make a decision about kid #2, and we’re tentatively planning to start trying later this year. I’m becoming less keen on the idea, and I’ve playfully brought up the idea of our son staying an only child, but we haven’t had a serious conversation about not having more kids. (It’s clear that he still wants more kids.)Life is good and easy right now, yet our marriage is in a bit of a rut. I’m afraid having more kids will put more of a strain on our relationship that we won’t know how to deal with. I don’t want to resent him for “making me” have another kid. Similarly, I’m afraid that being obstinate about not having more kids will add more tension to our relationship.I do believe seeing a couples therapist can help us navigate existing tensions, including having more kids. While he’s agreed to seeing one in principle, neither of us has made an appointment to actually see one. I do have an individual counseling appointment booked, and I hope it’ll help work through some of my uncertainties about having more kids.If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you and your spouse get through it?