(26M) Fallen for unavailable (29F) Co-worker Need advice

So, about a year and a half ago I got out of an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. She cheated on me at least twice that I know of, and I suspect a third time. We had a terrible on again off again thing going for about 3 years, and I literally moved across the country to get out of it permanently. This was my first and only relationship to date, and it really messed me up for a while. But I decided to get my shit together, and I've now been working in a career that I love. I've gotten fitter, and have become more confident, and thanks to my job, I'm finally about to move out into my own place, that I can afford, totally on my own. Which as someone who grew up dirt poor, and even homeless at times, is incredible for me.. And finally I feel like maybe I'm ready to try dating again, even though I honestly don't even know how to do it. But now I have a new problem. I've become extremely close friends with a female co-worker, and due to her boyfriends car dying about 8 months ago, I've even been driving her to and from work every day. If I made a list of what would be my ideal partner, she would literally check off every single box. I've had severe depression issues my entire life, complete with two suicide attempts. Since I've been working with her everyday, its like my depression has melted away. She makes me laugh and smile more than anyone has in my entire life, and we have freakish chemistry. Like, we are on the exact same wave-length. Its actually one of those "we finish each others sentences" kind of thing. We also have a huge turnover rate at my job, so we get new employees all the time, and they always assume that she and I are a couple. I even had one new person try to argue with me because she refused to believe me when I said we aren't a couple. And now there's a guy on my shift whose literally trying to play matchmaker and get us to date. So the problem is that she has been with her boyfriend for like 11 years now, and they have a great relationship. I've met him and he's actually a really great guy, which makes me feel like a real piece of shit, because I have completely fallen for her. So, just when I was starting to feel ready to date again, now I'm hesitant, because even if I met someone and actually got a new girlfriend, I feel like it would be unfair to her, because I could still be pining after this unavailable woman. So I feel trapped between a a rock and a hard place. I don't want to leave my job that I love, and whether we were to date or not, I really value her friendship. But at the same time, I don't want to stop myself from moving on because I want what I cant have. I could really use some advice.

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 06:58AM

So, about a year and a half ago I got out of an extremely emotionally abusive relationship. She cheated on me at least twice that I know of, and I suspect a third time. We had a terrible on again off again thing going for about 3 years, and I literally moved across the country to get out of it permanently. This was my first and only relationship to date, and it really messed me up for a while. But I decided to get my shit together, and I've now been working in a career that I love. I've gotten fitter, and have become more confident, and thanks to my job, I'm finally about to move out into my own place, that I can afford, totally on my own. Which as someone who grew up dirt poor, and even homeless at times, is incredible for me.. And finally I feel like maybe I'm ready to try dating again, even though I honestly don't even know how to do it. But now I have a new problem. I've become extremely close friends with a female co-worker, and due to her boyfriends car dying about 8 months ago, I've even been driving her to and from work every day. If I made a list of what would be my ideal partner, she would literally check off every single box. I've had severe depression issues my entire life, complete with two suicide attempts. Since I've been working with her everyday, its like my depression has melted away. She makes me laugh and smile more than anyone has in my entire life, and we have freakish chemistry. Like, we are on the exact same wave-length. Its actually one of those "we finish each others sentences" kind of thing. We also have a huge turnover rate at my job, so we get new employees all the time, and they always assume that she and I are a couple. I even had one new person try to argue with me because she refused to believe me when I said we aren't a couple. And now there's a guy on my shift whose literally trying to play matchmaker and get us to date. So the problem is that she has been with her boyfriend for like 11 years now, and they have a great relationship. I've met him and he's actually a really great guy, which makes me feel like a real piece of shit, because I have completely fallen for her. So, just when I was starting to feel ready to date again, now I'm hesitant, because even if I met someone and actually got a new girlfriend, I feel like it would be unfair to her, because I could still be pining after this unavailable woman. So I feel trapped between a a rock and a hard place. I don't want to leave my job that I love, and whether we were to date or not, I really value her friendship. But at the same time, I don't want to stop myself from moving on because I want what I cant have. I could really use some advice.