I feel like I have no place in my friendship group anymore and that I'm just screaming for attention from mt friends.

I [15F] have basically had the same friendship group for the past three years. It has been a mess and I was only truly happy in my group for a small amount of time. Besides than, I've just felt like I'm alone.

The way the group was 'created' was in a very toxic way. Originally, I had one close friend [14F] who I will call T. She was nice at first but everything seemed a bit forced in our friendship and we got to a point where I was getting really hurt by the things she would say to me. I met my other friend, L [15F] soon after I started feeling that way so I tried to move from T to L (it sounds bad but I was suffering a lot in the friendship). Once again, it started off well but eventually I felt like I was her personal slave and like o was being taken advantage of. I would always buy her food, do what she wanted and I even forced my self into anime in order to keep her as my friend. When I realised it wasn't worth it, I thought that I was too harsh on T and we fixed our broken friendship. By this point, T had two other friends she hung out with but it was clear she was the third wheel so she welcomed me back into her life very easily. I eventually got really close with her two friends. They had been close friends since early in the year, even before I met T, so I didn't intrude much on their friendship at first. The two friends were B [14F] and C [15F]. When T strated showing her old ways, I got a lot closer with B and C since they just fit me better than T and L did. Also, L had kind of followed me into T's friendship group so she was there as well. Somehow B, C and I had become a group of three close friends which we all found surprising since no one was successful so far in joining their tight bond. I was happy to have two people I could rely on.

Then next year happened. I wasn't in a class with any of them although T, L and C all were. B and I were the only ones who didn't have anyone from out little circle in their class so we had to fend for ourselves. We both made new friends but B was a lot luckier in the friend department. I had two main friends in my class. Since both their real enitials are taken, we will call them D and E [Both 15F] D is a really nice person but she was also quite whiney so I could get annoyed sometimes. As for E, she was the fakest most annoying person to exist. Both of them eventually joined our group. When E joined, I started hating the group even more. She was just so obnoxious to be around. She would embarrass you, annoy you and call you things and then when you would tell her to stop seriously, she would laugh and think you are joking. You could never give her the hint that she was really making things harder for you. I started picking up that she was a nice, normal person when you weren't in a big group of people.

I'm rambling on bit too much but bottom line, I was really over everyone in the group.

It was a toxic time. That entire year we would trash talk each other and then tell each other what everyone else was saying. I was still close with C and B so we would talk about these things to each other. C and I lived near each other so we caught the same bus home which honestly is probably what kept us so close to each other. One thing that benefited me was that T had an obsession over C and thought that they were really close, C didn't reciprocate those feelings though but never confronted her cause that just isn't her. C would tell me all the things that T would about me and it didn't upset me much as I wasn't fond of her nor did I care about how she felt towards me. At one point I became close with a friend called A [14F] that I had had a good few moments with the previous year.

When it got to about 3 quaters into the year, A joined my friendship group as she was having problems in her own group. I was the closest with her so she told me everything and it was very worrying since she really wasn't mentally stable at that point. We had Dance and Drama together with our other good friend so we had a lot of fun and got super close.

I haven't mentioned B much but she was still in our group. We were closer than ever and I could even call her my best friend which is a scary thing for me. B had made all her new friends which were nothing like the ones we hung out with so I was intimidated and a bit insecure about it. She eventually stopped inviting our friendship group to things. She wasn't very close with C anymore but she still liked her so she would be invited to things as well. Eventually it's her annual Halloween party and I'm invited along with all her new friends and C. C wasn't able to come so I was worried at first.

When I got there, everyone was doing their makeup but I didn't really do make up so I just stood by. Her friends were nice to me which I appreciated a lot. They were all in the same class beside me and I'm an ambiverted person so I wasn't really comfortable with them yet. They would make inside jokes often that I wouldn't get so I just had to make inside jokes back that only B and I knew which probably made me seem dumb. I also had my friend of 9 years there so I was chill with her as well but since she was friends with everyone else, I couldn't 'hog' wither her or B so I just kept to myself for the most part.

It hurt me to feel so left out but I knew B never meant to make me feel that way so I continued on.

Soon A and B became friends and a new group of three was formed which consisted of me and them. It was fun and I was really enjoying it. Skip to the last day of school and we are hanging out. We buy food and head to the park across the road. While we are sitting there, A tells B a secret. It's obvious that A doesn't want me to hear so I just brush it off and lay on my school bag as the two whisper to each other. That was the first big blow to the face.

When I went home that day, I thought about it for a bit but just kinda said I was over thinking it. It wasn't until about 4 days later when I go on Snapchat and see videos of them having a sleepover together. This upset me a lot but I felt better when they called me the next morning and organised to meet up a few days later.

We meet at the same park as before and I had a great day. I didn't feel left out for a second and infact made heaps of plans to do things with them later on in the holidays.

A week later I start seeing more snaps of them together and I again feel a bit hurt about it but this time I feel a bit more assured.

One day I got a text from B asking me to come to the pool with her. A was invited but couldn't make it so it was just us for the most part. A invited us to her place afterwards but we both couldn't be bothered so we declined, feeling guilty. We just hung out for a while and B confessed that sometimes you just need a bit of a break from A as she has a funny but sometimes overbearing personality.

That was the last time I saw them until school started. A and B met up plenty of times though, sometimes even calling me while they were together. Sometimes them calling me made me feel better but sometimes it made me feel worse than I did just looking at their Snapchat stories. I just stayed home the second part of the holidays by myself and thought. Thinking was dangerous though as all that came out from it was my own pain.

Fast forward to now. A and B still hang out without me often, even in big groups. I have one class with B but that'd about all the time I spend with her. When B and I aren't talking, I can only think about the bad things but when we are, she's just my best friend. What's really hard on me is that she still calls me her best friend even though we don't even say hi in the hallways. That may sound bad but she and I came to an understanding that her new friends are needy for attention. The only thing is that so am I. I don't need much I just want some. We do call each other often but when we aren't talking I just don't know how to feel or what to do. I'm still close with C and since we live close to each other, we hang out really often but the only thing is that C isn't the type of person I can vent my problems to. She is too innocent and I guess she is just not someone who can relate to these things. I tell B everything to do with emotional things but lately it's just been bubbling up. I can't tell her anymore. She hasn't changed, she hasn't done anything wrong. I've changed.

My other friends seem to be worried about my mental health. They seem very cautious around me and always ask if I'm okay.

I've cut myself before but I don't know if it was out of the anger and frustration that I harbour towards myself or whether it was a cry for attention. I don't know what to do anymore. It may seem long for just a dumb teenage problem but I just can't hold this anymore.

TL;DR: My friendships are falling apart. My closest friends are starting to unconciously disclude me and I'm starting to feel really alone and like no one really likes me.

Submitted April 07, 2019 at 06:23AM

I [15F] have basically had the same friendship group for the past three years. It has been a mess and I was only truly happy in my group for a small amount of time. Besides than, I've just felt like I'm alone.The way the group was 'created' was in a very toxic way. Originally, I had one close friend [14F] who I will call T. She was nice at first but everything seemed a bit forced in our friendship and we got to a point where I was getting really hurt by the things she would say to me. I met my other friend, L [15F] soon after I started feeling that way so I tried to move from T to L (it sounds bad but I was suffering a lot in the friendship). Once again, it started off well but eventually I felt like I was her personal slave and like o was being taken advantage of. I would always buy her food, do what she wanted and I even forced my self into anime in order to keep her as my friend. When I realised it wasn't worth it, I thought that I was too harsh on T and we fixed our broken friendship. By this point, T had two other friends she hung out with but it was clear she was the third wheel so she welcomed me back into her life very easily. I eventually got really close with her two friends. They had been close friends since early in the year, even before I met T, so I didn't intrude much on their friendship at first. The two friends were B [14F] and C [15F]. When T strated showing her old ways, I got a lot closer with B and C since they just fit me better than T and L did. Also, L had kind of followed me into T's friendship group so she was there as well. Somehow B, C and I had become a group of three close friends which we all found surprising since no one was successful so far in joining their tight bond. I was happy to have two people I could rely on.Then next year happened. I wasn't in a class with any of them although T, L and C all were. B and I were the only ones who didn't have anyone from out little circle in their class so we had to fend for ourselves. We both made new friends but B was a lot luckier in the friend department. I had two main friends in my class. Since both their real enitials are taken, we will call them D and E [Both 15F] D is a really nice person but she was also quite whiney so I could get annoyed sometimes. As for E, she was the fakest most annoying person to exist. Both of them eventually joined our group. When E joined, I started hating the group even more. She was just so obnoxious to be around. She would embarrass you, annoy you and call you things and then when you would tell her to stop seriously, she would laugh and think you are joking. You could never give her the hint that she was really making things harder for you. I started picking up that she was a nice, normal person when you weren't in a big group of people.I'm rambling on bit too much but bottom line, I was really over everyone in the group.It was a toxic time. That entire year we would trash talk each other and then tell each other what everyone else was saying. I was still close with C and B so we would talk about these things to each other. C and I lived near each other so we caught the same bus home which honestly is probably what kept us so close to each other. One thing that benefited me was that T had an obsession over C and thought that they were really close, C didn't reciprocate those feelings though but never confronted her cause that just isn't her. C would tell me all the things that T would about me and it didn't upset me much as I wasn't fond of her nor did I care about how she felt towards me. At one point I became close with a friend called A [14F] that I had had a good few moments with the previous year.When it got to about 3 quaters into the year, A joined my friendship group as she was having problems in her own group. I was the closest with her so she told me everything and it was very worrying since she really wasn't mentally stable at that point. We had Dance and Drama together with our other good friend so we had a lot of fun and got super close.I haven't mentioned B much but she was still in our group. We were closer than ever and I could even call her my best friend which is a scary thing for me. B had made all her new friends which were nothing like the ones we hung out with so I was intimidated and a bit insecure about it. She eventually stopped inviting our friendship group to things. She wasn't very close with C anymore but she still liked her so she would be invited to things as well. Eventually it's her annual Halloween party and I'm invited along with all her new friends and C. C wasn't able to come so I was worried at first.When I got there, everyone was doing their makeup but I didn't really do make up so I just stood by. Her friends were nice to me which I appreciated a lot. They were all in the same class beside me and I'm an ambiverted person so I wasn't really comfortable with them yet. They would make inside jokes often that I wouldn't get so I just had to make inside jokes back that only B and I knew which probably made me seem dumb. I also had my friend of 9 years there so I was chill with her as well but since she was friends with everyone else, I couldn't 'hog' wither her or B so I just kept to myself for the most part.It hurt me to feel so left out but I knew B never meant to make me feel that way so I continued on.Soon A and B became friends and a new group of three was formed which consisted of me and them. It was fun and I was really enjoying it. Skip to the last day of school and we are hanging out. We buy food and head to the park across the road. While we are sitting there, A tells B a secret. It's obvious that A doesn't want me to hear so I just brush it off and lay on my school bag as the two whisper to each other. That was the first big blow to the face.When I went home that day, I thought about it for a bit but just kinda said I was over thinking it. It wasn't until about 4 days later when I go on Snapchat and see videos of them having a sleepover together. This upset me a lot but I felt better when they called me the next morning and organised to meet up a few days later.We meet at the same park as before and I had a great day. I didn't feel left out for a second and infact made heaps of plans to do things with them later on in the holidays.A week later I start seeing more snaps of them together and I again feel a bit hurt about it but this time I feel a bit more assured.One day I got a text from B asking me to come to the pool with her. A was invited but couldn't make it so it was just us for the most part. A invited us to her place afterwards but we both couldn't be bothered so we declined, feeling guilty. We just hung out for a while and B confessed that sometimes you just need a bit of a break from A as she has a funny but sometimes overbearing personality.That was the last time I saw them until school started. A and B met up plenty of times though, sometimes even calling me while they were together. Sometimes them calling me made me feel better but sometimes it made me feel worse than I did just looking at their Snapchat stories. I just stayed home the second part of the holidays by myself and thought. Thinking was dangerous though as all that came out from it was my own pain.Fast forward to now. A and B still hang out without me often, even in big groups. I have one class with B but that'd about all the time I spend with her. When B and I aren't talking, I can only think about the bad things but when we are, she's just my best friend. What's really hard on me is that she still calls me her best friend even though we don't even say hi in the hallways. That may sound bad but she and I came to an understanding that her new friends are needy for attention. The only thing is that so am I. I don't need much I just want some. We do call each other often but when we aren't talking I just don't know how to feel or what to do. I'm still close with C and since we live close to each other, we hang out really often but the only thing is that C isn't the type of person I can vent my problems to. She is too innocent and I guess she is just not someone who can relate to these things. I tell B everything to do with emotional things but lately it's just been bubbling up. I can't tell her anymore. She hasn't changed, she hasn't done anything wrong. I've changed.My other friends seem to be worried about my mental health. They seem very cautious around me and always ask if I'm okay.I've cut myself before but I don't know if it was out of the anger and frustration that I harbour towards myself or whether it was a cry for attention. I don't know what to do anymore. It may seem long for just a dumb teenage problem but I just can't hold this anymore.TL;DR: My friendships are falling apart. My closest friends are starting to unconciously disclude me and I'm starting to feel really alone and like no one really likes me.