My best friend (33F) got married to a man (29M) she barely knows. She plans to quit her job, have a baby ASAP and move half way across the world to his home country where she has no friends or family. I (30sF) am very concerned about his intentions.

My friend has been in a relationship since August 2018. In October 2018, she told us she was engaged, they planned on getting legally married in March 2019 so she could start the process of moving to his country (Australia). We live in the east coast U.S.

Before meeting this man my friend had been in a serious of relationships with guys who were extremely shady/borderline abusive. The current man seems better but there are a few things that I and the rest of my friends find extremely concerning about their relationship.

1/ Throughout their courtship he has spent more time in his home country away from her than he has spent with her. This doesn’t seem to make much sense, as his job is based in the city we all live in.

2/ His reason for going back to his home country is that he is starting an office there for his company. There’s nothing about this on the company website. He also has said he’s starting a business but wants to base it in Delaware (U.S.). The company he works for is a non-profit so why would they want to be based in Delaware, which is known for have an extremely favorable corporate tax rate?

3/ When I had last seen them both in November they had both said they weren’t sure of their plans to move and they wanted to get through the “wedding” celebration first. They were already trying to have a baby but decided to wait until after the “wedding.”

4/ She recently got a big promotion at work that she had been working on for years. She seemed excited before she went to go visit him. Now, around him, she says she can’t wait to be a stay at home mom and quit her job.

5/ She bought a house in late 2017 and he’s pushing her to sell ASAP after their August celebration. This would result in significant tax implications. I brought up renting it out and the both axed the idea. She also seems to want to sell another property she owns and has been renting out in a different state.

6 / Her parents are extremely keen on having grandchildren. I asked her how they felt about her moving so far away. He said they can come and visit for up to 9 months on a grandparent visa. I’m not sure how the system works in Australia but I can’t see her parents making the trip there and back from the east coast USA more than once since they are already in their late 60s.

Anytime anyone brings up any of these points she gets extremely defensive. I’m worried about her but I feel like I can’t say anything because she is so blinded by her desire to get married and have children. I wish I could help her at least slow down.

TL;DR: BFF is quitting job, trying to have a baby ASAP, and move across the world to a place where she doesn’t know anyone for a man that seems disingenuous and pushing her to do things that are not in her best interest. I don’t think there anything I can do and it makes me sad.

Submitted April 21, 2019 at 05:20AM

My friend has been in a relationship since August 2018. In October 2018, she told us she was engaged, they planned on getting legally married in March 2019 so she could start the process of moving to his country (Australia). We live in the east coast U.S.Before meeting this man my friend had been in a serious of relationships with guys who were extremely shady/borderline abusive. The current man seems better but there are a few things that I and the rest of my friends find extremely concerning about their relationship.1/ Throughout their courtship he has spent more time in his home country away from her than he has spent with her. This doesn’t seem to make much sense, as his job is based in the city we all live in.2/ His reason for going back to his home country is that he is starting an office there for his company. There’s nothing about this on the company website. He also has said he’s starting a business but wants to base it in Delaware (U.S.). The company he works for is a non-profit so why would they want to be based in Delaware, which is known for have an extremely favorable corporate tax rate?3/ When I had last seen them both in November they had both said they weren’t sure of their plans to move and they wanted to get through the “wedding” celebration first. They were already trying to have a baby but decided to wait until after the “wedding.”4/ She recently got a big promotion at work that she had been working on for years. She seemed excited before she went to go visit him. Now, around him, she says she can’t wait to be a stay at home mom and quit her job.5/ She bought a house in late 2017 and he’s pushing her to sell ASAP after their August celebration. This would result in significant tax implications. I brought up renting it out and the both axed the idea. She also seems to want to sell another property she owns and has been renting out in a different state.6 / Her parents are extremely keen on having grandchildren. I asked her how they felt about her moving so far away. He said they can come and visit for up to 9 months on a grandparent visa. I’m not sure how the system works in Australia but I can’t see her parents making the trip there and back from the east coast USA more than once since they are already in their late 60s.Anytime anyone brings up any of these points she gets extremely defensive. I’m worried about her but I feel like I can’t say anything because she is so blinded by her desire to get married and have children. I wish I could help her at least slow down.TL;DR: BFF is quitting job, trying to have a baby ASAP, and move across the world to a place where she doesn’t know anyone for a man that seems disingenuous and pushing her to do things that are not in her best interest. I don’t think there anything I can do and it makes me sad.