I [M35] accidentally hit my GF [F31]...

It was dark, we were drunk, we were NOT fighting, things were winding down for the night, I did not know where she was, something panicked me, my arm went up pretty fast, it happened to get her in the face.

​

Its what happened next that caused everything to go bad... Instead of realising, comforting, apologising (which would have made it forgotten by the next morning) I was stubborn, got a bit angry and insinuated it was her fault. We have had a few issues over the past 6 months which caused me to react like that.

​

End result is that instead of it being a nothing accident, she was left feeling like I had intentionally hit her and then got angry, which is horrible. At this point I am pretty much unable to explain myself without sounding like I am defending myself and justifying it. I of course have apologised since, I feel absolutely shit, and I have accepted full responsibility for the way I made her feel regardless of whatever my intent was.

​

She is pretty traumatised because she did completely trust me, and I have broken that trust. I/we are also worried about whether I have permanently damaged my relationship with her family. She confronted me a few days after it happened, when I was in a better position to reflect and take full blame. We have been together 5 years, and she wants us to try to work things out.

​

I have since done a lot of painful reading into domestic violence and traits of abusive people. I don't think it is me, I have never hit anyone before. But they all start pretty much the same way; an accident or overreaction and a promise that 'it will never happen again'. It doesn't look good for me.... Though it wasn't an argument, it wasn't out of anger, we are a really close couple that don't even argue much.

​

Do you think she should forgive me? She wants to, but neither of us know if she can. We have been back together, but so far she cannot be intimate with me again yet, and her mood fluctuates between happy and very sad. I have pledged to help her recover regardless of what happens to us. I am devastated at how traumatised she is.

​

What can I do to help her? I am trying to be very open (hard for me), and change lifestyle habits of course, and I want to support and help her through it. Is there a chance for us?

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TL;DR

It was made way worse because of my reaction to it. Is it possible to regain trust and how can I help her?



Submitted April 21, 2019 at 06:59AM

It was dark, we were drunk, we were NOT fighting, things were winding down for the night, I did not know where she was, something panicked me, my arm went up pretty fast, it happened to get her in the face.​Its what happened next that caused everything to go bad... Instead of realising, comforting, apologising (which would have made it forgotten by the next morning) I was stubborn, got a bit angry and insinuated it was her fault. We have had a few issues over the past 6 months which caused me to react like that.​End result is that instead of it being a nothing accident, she was left feeling like I had intentionally hit her and then got angry, which is horrible. At this point I am pretty much unable to explain myself without sounding like I am defending myself and justifying it. I of course have apologised since, I feel absolutely shit, and I have accepted full responsibility for the way I made her feel regardless of whatever my intent was.​She is pretty traumatised because she did completely trust me, and I have broken that trust. I/we are also worried about whether I have permanently damaged my relationship with her family. She confronted me a few days after it happened, when I was in a better position to reflect and take full blame. We have been together 5 years, and she wants us to try to work things out.​I have since done a lot of painful reading into domestic violence and traits of abusive people. I don't think it is me, I have never hit anyone before. But they all start pretty much the same way; an accident or overreaction and a promise that 'it will never happen again'. It doesn't look good for me.... Though it wasn't an argument, it wasn't out of anger, we are a really close couple that don't even argue much.​Do you think she should forgive me? She wants to, but neither of us know if she can. We have been back together, but so far she cannot be intimate with me again yet, and her mood fluctuates between happy and very sad. I have pledged to help her recover regardless of what happens to us. I am devastated at how traumatised she is.​What can I do to help her? I am trying to be very open (hard for me), and change lifestyle habits of course, and I want to support and help her through it. Is there a chance for us?​TL;DRIt was made way worse because of my reaction to it. Is it possible to regain trust and how can I help her?
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