I (28/F) feel like I can’t talk to my boyfriend (30/M) about anything.

We’ve been together for just over a year. Friends for a couple of years before that. It wasn’t as apparent when we were friends, but now that we’re together, I’m beginning to realize that he comfortably comes to me for support and that I ... don’t even try to come to him anymore. The times that I’ve tried I felt as though my concerns were brushed aside and that he would always try to end the conversation quickly.

He’ll just give me a swift response, either advise me not to interact with certain people if they’re rude to me or whatever (even if I can’t avoid them like the people at work) or nod along and just shrug at the end or relate it to something similar that he had gone through after which we just end up taking about him.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. I’m not sure. I just feel like my concerns are never met with the same care and attention that I give him when he comes to me for a shoulder to lean on. It’s always been this way but I’ve only started piecing it together now. I mentioned it to him once or twice, asking if he would rather I just talk to a friend about whatever it is and he insists for just a second that I talk to him instead but then he shrugs it off quickly as if he truly doesn’t care either way.

It’s actually really upsetting. And I’m not sure if this is just me expecting more attention a bit from him than I should. I get that some people just aren’t good at that sort of thing. They nod and give a short response and that’s just who they are. Nothing wrong with that as long as they don’t expect more than that in return. But I feel like he does expect more than that. And I’m always going to be the person who listens and gives that attention and talks things out because that’s just what I do.

tl;dr He always makes it about him when I come to him with a problem and when I want to talk about something that’s bothering me. Just starting to notice it now. Not sure what to do as he doesn’t seem to get that he does this and as I don’t realize it until after the conversation is over.



Submitted April 21, 2019 at 07:00AM

We’ve been together for just over a year. Friends for a couple of years before that. It wasn’t as apparent when we were friends, but now that we’re together, I’m beginning to realize that he comfortably comes to me for support and that I ... don’t even try to come to him anymore. The times that I’ve tried I felt as though my concerns were brushed aside and that he would always try to end the conversation quickly.He’ll just give me a swift response, either advise me not to interact with certain people if they’re rude to me or whatever (even if I can’t avoid them like the people at work) or nod along and just shrug at the end or relate it to something similar that he had gone through after which we just end up taking about him.Maybe I’m overthinking it. I’m not sure. I just feel like my concerns are never met with the same care and attention that I give him when he comes to me for a shoulder to lean on. It’s always been this way but I’ve only started piecing it together now. I mentioned it to him once or twice, asking if he would rather I just talk to a friend about whatever it is and he insists for just a second that I talk to him instead but then he shrugs it off quickly as if he truly doesn’t care either way.It’s actually really upsetting. And I’m not sure if this is just me expecting more attention a bit from him than I should. I get that some people just aren’t good at that sort of thing. They nod and give a short response and that’s just who they are. Nothing wrong with that as long as they don’t expect more than that in return. But I feel like he does expect more than that. And I’m always going to be the person who listens and gives that attention and talks things out because that’s just what I do.tl;dr He always makes it about him when I come to him with a problem and when I want to talk about something that’s bothering me. Just starting to notice it now. Not sure what to do as he doesn’t seem to get that he does this and as I don’t realize it until after the conversation is over.
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