I (28F) have feelings for my boyfriend’s (24M) friend (28M).

First off, I want to say this is really hard for me to embrace and put into words. I feel guilty for even sharing my feelings on this, but in a way I think it’s better in the long run if I sort through my feelings and fix this issue before things get out of hand. I’m sick of keeping this to myself. I haven’t shared this with anyone.

I love my boyfriend.

To start, I’ve been with my him for almost two years. For the past 6-7 months I’ve had nearly no sex drive. From the beginning of the relationship I’ve had to take on a kind of mothering role to him at times, because in truth, he is an absolute child. I won’t get too into it, but let’s just say he needs to be reminded to shower. That among other things including debt and working towards a future together have been not so great because he can’t manage his priorities and finances. I give him all the benefit of the doubt because he suffers from major depression and sometimes it’s hard for him to be motivated. I’ve lost 90% of my sexual attraction towards him though, and I’ve been pretty standoffish regarding sexual contact. I avoid sex at all costs.

In the beginning, I was absolutely smitten because I finally found this guy who treated me with endless respect, loyalty, and love. But those feelings wore off in about a year when I started realizing how immature he was and how I was sick of playing mom and girlfriend.

Yet despite it all, every single day he tells me how much he loves me. He dotes on me. He cares so deeply and loves me so much. And I love him and care about him too. But it’s becoming a protective mother type of love. And I hate admitting that.

in the beginning of the relationship, I met his friend, we’ll call him Steve. Steve is my age. from the beginning there was “something” there. I felt shy around him but never equated it to “having feelings”. Steve and my boyfriend only really hang out to play music together occasionally. Steve and I have had many times alone together and the chemistry is not only there, but I can tell that Steve is into me too. Not worth getting into the details, but it’s all PG stuff. Sending me videos of puppies, catching him stare at me, the way he looks at me when we talk. My boyfriend has also told me that once when they were drinking, Steve told my boyfriend that he’s very lucky to have me and was going on about how beautiful and interesting I am. (My boyfriend wasn’t upset by it and was flattered for the record)

Each time I see Steve (which is not even too often) it gets worse and worse. And as time has gone by, I’ve been more and more aware of my feelings. Steve is a gentleman himself and has never crossed a line. I’m constantly daydreaming about him.

Some may say “duh, you’re just bored in your relationship and he’s someone else who’s right there”, but that’s not the case. I feel something special for him that took a while to progress, and it feels right. We have the same dreams and aspirations. It’s him, not the idea of him, or even the idea of another man.

I don’t want this though. It’s not right. Not only would it be cruel to my boyfriend whom I LOVE dearly, it would cross a major boundary.

I want to get rid of my feelings for him, and regain those feelings back for my boyfriend. I’m genuinely and desperately needing help getting rid of these feelings. I know I am so grateful to have this amazing man as my boyfriend. I feel completely gutted and lost as each day passes. I want the attraction to come back. What is it going to take?

TLDR; I have feelings for my boyfriend’s friend but I want to get rid of them. How do I do that?

I want to thank you all in advance here.

Submitted April 21, 2019 at 05:32AM

First off, I want to say this is really hard for me to embrace and put into words. I feel guilty for even sharing my feelings on this, but in a way I think it’s better in the long run if I sort through my feelings and fix this issue before things get out of hand. I’m sick of keeping this to myself. I haven’t shared this with anyone.I love my boyfriend.To start, I’ve been with my him for almost two years. For the past 6-7 months I’ve had nearly no sex drive. From the beginning of the relationship I’ve had to take on a kind of mothering role to him at times, because in truth, he is an absolute child. I won’t get too into it, but let’s just say he needs to be reminded to shower. That among other things including debt and working towards a future together have been not so great because he can’t manage his priorities and finances. I give him all the benefit of the doubt because he suffers from major depression and sometimes it’s hard for him to be motivated. I’ve lost 90% of my sexual attraction towards him though, and I’ve been pretty standoffish regarding sexual contact. I avoid sex at all costs.In the beginning, I was absolutely smitten because I finally found this guy who treated me with endless respect, loyalty, and love. But those feelings wore off in about a year when I started realizing how immature he was and how I was sick of playing mom and girlfriend.Yet despite it all, every single day he tells me how much he loves me. He dotes on me. He cares so deeply and loves me so much. And I love him and care about him too. But it’s becoming a protective mother type of love. And I hate admitting that.in the beginning of the relationship, I met his friend, we’ll call him Steve. Steve is my age. from the beginning there was “something” there. I felt shy around him but never equated it to “having feelings”. Steve and my boyfriend only really hang out to play music together occasionally. Steve and I have had many times alone together and the chemistry is not only there, but I can tell that Steve is into me too. Not worth getting into the details, but it’s all PG stuff. Sending me videos of puppies, catching him stare at me, the way he looks at me when we talk. My boyfriend has also told me that once when they were drinking, Steve told my boyfriend that he’s very lucky to have me and was going on about how beautiful and interesting I am. (My boyfriend wasn’t upset by it and was flattered for the record)Each time I see Steve (which is not even too often) it gets worse and worse. And as time has gone by, I’ve been more and more aware of my feelings. Steve is a gentleman himself and has never crossed a line. I’m constantly daydreaming about him.Some may say “duh, you’re just bored in your relationship and he’s someone else who’s right there”, but that’s not the case. I feel something special for him that took a while to progress, and it feels right. We have the same dreams and aspirations. It’s him, not the idea of him, or even the idea of another man.I don’t want this though. It’s not right. Not only would it be cruel to my boyfriend whom I LOVE dearly, it would cross a major boundary.I want to get rid of my feelings for him, and regain those feelings back for my boyfriend. I’m genuinely and desperately needing help getting rid of these feelings. I know I am so grateful to have this amazing man as my boyfriend. I feel completely gutted and lost as each day passes. I want the attraction to come back. What is it going to take?TLDR; I have feelings for my boyfriend’s friend but I want to get rid of them. How do I do that?I want to thank you all in advance here.