"You're an amazing woman, but..."

This is the line I always get. It's what i got last night. I dated someone a little younger for 6 months, but I had just met his mom a week ago when they flew me out of state to see her for mothers day, we talked about our relationship casually and regularly, he brought up thinking of moving in together in a few months when his lease was up, we seemed pretty happy and talkative up until a couple weeks ago. He said it was a 'gut feeling' that came up - that he is happy with me, but he doesn't think it would work out long-term / if we'd make it that far. Ok. I said shouldn't we talk about these doubts? Nope. He made up his mind. He did this all over dinner, when I had only seen him twice in two weeks time. I was excited to see him after a bunch of trips I had taken this month. But he had a backpack full of my stuff. Clean and swift and detached. He also threw around some lines like he doesn't think he'll ever find the right person. ok? Big factor he didn't mention was that he has a porn addiction. And it has gotten in the way before. But two weeks ago, he lost his erection during sex. That would happen when he jacks off too much when I'm not around. I wonder if it's tied, because he didn't give any good reasons to this bullshit 'gut' feeling. And telling me he hopes I find someone better than him.

​

Anyway. He was the first relationship I've had in 4 years. I was excited, and happy to find someone that I thought was gonna work on stuff with me. And now here I am - blindsided entirely. Before these last two weeks, I had no reason to doubt his behavior. He had been affectionate, attentive, and happy. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore. I meet these guys and they say that I'm X Y and Z and they all hope I find a great guy etc etc but they give up on me. And EACH and every time, they got with someone else immediately after. I feel shattered. I don't know what to do. I have amazing stuff going on with my life, but he still felt like the center. He even told me just last month that I was the reason everything was worth it for him to - to be able to tell me everything at the end of the day. I don't know what fucking changed. And I'm lost. Any advice would help. I feel so unwanted.



Submitted May 29, 2019 at 10:32PM

This is the line I always get. It's what i got last night. I dated someone a little younger for 6 months, but I had just met his mom a week ago when they flew me out of state to see her for mothers day, we talked about our relationship casually and regularly, he brought up thinking of moving in together in a few months when his lease was up, we seemed pretty happy and talkative up until a couple weeks ago. He said it was a 'gut feeling' that came up - that he is happy with me, but he doesn't think it would work out long-term / if we'd make it that far. Ok. I said shouldn't we talk about these doubts? Nope. He made up his mind. He did this all over dinner, when I had only seen him twice in two weeks time. I was excited to see him after a bunch of trips I had taken this month. But he had a backpack full of my stuff. Clean and swift and detached. He also threw around some lines like he doesn't think he'll ever find the right person. ok? Big factor he didn't mention was that he has a porn addiction. And it has gotten in the way before. But two weeks ago, he lost his erection during sex. That would happen when he jacks off too much when I'm not around. I wonder if it's tied, because he didn't give any good reasons to this bullshit 'gut' feeling. And telling me he hopes I find someone better than him.​Anyway. He was the first relationship I've had in 4 years. I was excited, and happy to find someone that I thought was gonna work on stuff with me. And now here I am - blindsided entirely. Before these last two weeks, I had no reason to doubt his behavior. He had been affectionate, attentive, and happy. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore. I meet these guys and they say that I'm X Y and Z and they all hope I find a great guy etc etc but they give up on me. And EACH and every time, they got with someone else immediately after. I feel shattered. I don't know what to do. I have amazing stuff going on with my life, but he still felt like the center. He even told me just last month that I was the reason everything was worth it for him to - to be able to tell me everything at the end of the day. I don't know what fucking changed. And I'm lost. Any advice would help. I feel so unwanted.
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