My depressed husband is in rehab and it might actually save our marriage

Hello again.

I posted here a LONG time ago pleading for help about my depressed husband staying in bed for weeks at a time and ignoring his family and threatening suicide every time I asked him to do anything/just refusing to do anything.

Well 3 months ago he checked into an 8 month rehab program.

He isn’t a drug user, he did drink sometimes but not that often. He didn’t appear to be an addict, he was just depressed. He would get angry with me because of it, he would make empty threats/promises. He spent a lot of time in psych hospitals. He felt like he couldn’t go to rehab if he wasn’t using drugs. But eventually after I took the children and left, he went to rehab.

It’s been 3 months now, and he seems better for the first time in years. His eyes are beautiful bright blue and the dark circles have faded. He can hold conversations that are difficult. He goes to work, does homework/classes/chores/counseling. He wakes up right on time ever morning. He isn’t angry, he has stopped blaming me for everything. He knows I don’t have to have him to survive (hello, I’ve been doing just fine these months!!) so he isn’t trying any manipulative tactics to keep me from divorcing him. He knows 100% that divorce is still an option whether he does the program or not because I’m not going to put up with it anymore. He’s not acting depressed, he’s not lazy, he’s humble and gentle.

We are in marriage counseling with a few other couples who’s husbands are also in rehab and I am in my own therapy as well. I’m learning a lot through this about him and about myself too.

I just wanted to share because I remember the day I first posted here and how broken, sad and hopeless I felt. So I just want to say to someone somewhere: there is hope & you’ll be okay & even if the marriage ends, you will survive.

I’m learning not to depend on him for my own happiness, and that alone is worth it to me! Whether we stay together through this & work it out or not.

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 03:30AM

Hello again.I posted here a LONG time ago pleading for help about my depressed husband staying in bed for weeks at a time and ignoring his family and threatening suicide every time I asked him to do anything/just refusing to do anything.Well 3 months ago he checked into an 8 month rehab program.He isn’t a drug user, he did drink sometimes but not that often. He didn’t appear to be an addict, he was just depressed. He would get angry with me because of it, he would make empty threats/promises. He spent a lot of time in psych hospitals. He felt like he couldn’t go to rehab if he wasn’t using drugs. But eventually after I took the children and left, he went to rehab.It’s been 3 months now, and he seems better for the first time in years. His eyes are beautiful bright blue and the dark circles have faded. He can hold conversations that are difficult. He goes to work, does homework/classes/chores/counseling. He wakes up right on time ever morning. He isn’t angry, he has stopped blaming me for everything. He knows I don’t have to have him to survive (hello, I’ve been doing just fine these months!!) so he isn’t trying any manipulative tactics to keep me from divorcing him. He knows 100% that divorce is still an option whether he does the program or not because I’m not going to put up with it anymore. He’s not acting depressed, he’s not lazy, he’s humble and gentle.We are in marriage counseling with a few other couples who’s husbands are also in rehab and I am in my own therapy as well. I’m learning a lot through this about him and about myself too.I just wanted to share because I remember the day I first posted here and how broken, sad and hopeless I felt. So I just want to say to someone somewhere: there is hope & you’ll be okay & even if the marriage ends, you will survive.I’m learning not to depend on him for my own happiness, and that alone is worth it to me! Whether we stay together through this & work it out or not.