Married too young (maybe), too fast...wife pregnant...

First time really writing this at all. But I'm 25, wife is 27 and I've been contemplating divorce. We've not even been married a year yet. To make matters worse, she's pregnant (not far along).

​

What's the problem?

Keeping it short, we only 'talked' to each other for a little less than a year. We dated for about two months before being engaged. This all seems incredibly naive as I type the words...and it was certainly a naive decision though I do not at all consider myself to be naive. There are a few 'cultural' factors that led to this dumb decision:

​

1) My family gets married pretty young, and relatively quickly. (and yes, there are 'Christian' reasons for this)

2) My parents' 'blessing' on a relationship is ULTRA important and hard to receive. However, in this case not only did they give the blessing, but encouraged the haste, even more than our lovers' zeal had asked for.

3) I have/had wayyyyy too much respect of what my parents had to say about my relationship; their words were basically the words of God...and, in this case, God said 'do it....and do it fast'

​

My wife is not a terrible person... I just didn't know her well enough and now that I know more, I find her boring as bricks and a complete liability.

​

On Liability

​

She struck me as an independent woman type...she is not. She has tens of thousands of dollars of student debt. I knew this going in, but thought she'd take more responsibility because again---she struck me as independent and responsible. Since marrying me, she stopped working full-time and I began to nudge her about working. She now works part time but will not do any more (this was her decision before being pregnant). Not to mention, she still wants me to take on half of the housework although I work more than twice as much as her and am paying off her debt. I do not love my job and would like to explore some other things, but cannot because of OUR debt and now our coming child. Nonetheless, she brings very little to the table. Bottom Line: I feel like I'm carrying her and am not made better, but rather held back by her.

​

On Being Boring as Bricks

​

Ok, I am an ultra curious person. I love ideas. All sorts of ideas. Challenging ideas, reading about various ideas. I listen to podcast, read books, go to ballets, operas, plays, stand-up,....etc. I like talking about controversial topics and sorting through difficult issues. When we were talking/dating she at least acted like she was interested in these things. Now, she is completely uninterested in nearly everything (and I have a broad range of interest). She won't engage me in nearly any meaningful conversation. I love conversation. I love the mysterious. I love the complex. I love talking about what I take to be important. Whether it be enlightening, frightening, or bewildering--I love it. It is as if she doesn't give a care in the world about anything important or interesting. I've fished in different areas only to try to find passion points for her to no avail. When I try to engage her in curious discussion, she will often give simple or static answers. She will talk about Jesus or God or something (and not in a thoughtful way, but in a Sunday School simplistic fashion) . I'm a serious Christian but that makes me more curious, not less. She seems to possess no curiosity. She only cares about what's in front of us.

​

Conclusion:

​

These are not all of my complaints... but some of the most prevalent. Bottom line I think is that I didn't know this person and now that I know more, I don't particularly like her. I don't know what I'm seeking here. Maybe another set of eyes. Please, tell me what you think. Can anyone relate? Has anyone been in a similar situation and things gotten better?

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 04:07AM

First time really writing this at all. But I'm 25, wife is 27 and I've been contemplating divorce. We've not even been married a year yet. To make matters worse, she's pregnant (not far along).​What's the problem?Keeping it short, we only 'talked' to each other for a little less than a year. We dated for about two months before being engaged. This all seems incredibly naive as I type the words...and it was certainly a naive decision though I do not at all consider myself to be naive. There are a few 'cultural' factors that led to this dumb decision:​1) My family gets married pretty young, and relatively quickly. (and yes, there are 'Christian' reasons for this)2) My parents' 'blessing' on a relationship is ULTRA important and hard to receive. However, in this case not only did they give the blessing, but encouraged the haste, even more than our lovers' zeal had asked for.3) I have/had wayyyyy too much respect of what my parents had to say about my relationship; their words were basically the words of God...and, in this case, God said 'do it....and do it fast'​My wife is not a terrible person... I just didn't know her well enough and now that I know more, I find her boring as bricks and a complete liability.​On Liability​She struck me as an independent woman type...she is not. She has tens of thousands of dollars of student debt. I knew this going in, but thought she'd take more responsibility because again---she struck me as independent and responsible. Since marrying me, she stopped working full-time and I began to nudge her about working. She now works part time but will not do any more (this was her decision before being pregnant). Not to mention, she still wants me to take on half of the housework although I work more than twice as much as her and am paying off her debt. I do not love my job and would like to explore some other things, but cannot because of OUR debt and now our coming child. Nonetheless, she brings very little to the table. Bottom Line: I feel like I'm carrying her and am not made better, but rather held back by her.​On Being Boring as Bricks​Ok, I am an ultra curious person. I love ideas. All sorts of ideas. Challenging ideas, reading about various ideas. I listen to podcast, read books, go to ballets, operas, plays, stand-up,....etc. I like talking about controversial topics and sorting through difficult issues. When we were talking/dating she at least acted like she was interested in these things. Now, she is completely uninterested in nearly everything (and I have a broad range of interest). She won't engage me in nearly any meaningful conversation. I love conversation. I love the mysterious. I love the complex. I love talking about what I take to be important. Whether it be enlightening, frightening, or bewildering--I love it. It is as if she doesn't give a care in the world about anything important or interesting. I've fished in different areas only to try to find passion points for her to no avail. When I try to engage her in curious discussion, she will often give simple or static answers. She will talk about Jesus or God or something (and not in a thoughtful way, but in a Sunday School simplistic fashion) . I'm a serious Christian but that makes me more curious, not less. She seems to possess no curiosity. She only cares about what's in front of us.​Conclusion:​These are not all of my complaints... but some of the most prevalent. Bottom line I think is that I didn't know this person and now that I know more, I don't particularly like her. I don't know what I'm seeking here. Maybe another set of eyes. Please, tell me what you think. Can anyone relate? Has anyone been in a similar situation and things gotten better?