Dating a man with retarded child who seems have issues of his own, wanted to start a family with him. Bad idea?

Hello. I met a 33yr old puerto rican man on tinder. I have a history of picking losers and yes I have my own issues with abandonment and impulsivity I acknowledge and now I am in my early 30's getting professional help to manage my issues. Here is the current dilemma. I already have 2 kids. Smart and healthy 10 and under. I met a man who I saw very physically attracted to. I thought I liked his sense of humor and he seemed well rounded socially. After hanging out at his apartment a lot, he waited 3 months to tell me he had a mentally retarded 5 yr old boy. I told him it was ok and every child is special in their own way and I would be happy to accept his child. I met the boy and it's obvious he has bad brain damage and will never be able to be independent or have a "normal" life. I was very nice to his child and bought him food, toys and presents all the time, even though he never did the same for my kids. He is a taker and not i giver i saw. It seemed like maybe he is used to getting free stuff and sympathy for his kid without being grateful.

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The father has weird ways about him that I told him I think his son inherited. The father has issues with connecting, emotional, some social and seems to be in his own world a lot and very inconsiderate and clueless about others and their feelings. He gets high off weed 24/7 and works minimum wage jobs. He lives in severe poverty and I noticed is severely depressed all the time. He gets very frustrated with his son because he says he feels he can learn "to behave" and people keep labelling him as too retarded to know or learn anything and he gets mad about that. His son is very difficult to manage most of the time and he gets very impatient and upset with his son who cannot help but to act out certain ways and have very bad tantrums. I don't think he really likes his son, but I think he has love for him. He said he was very depressed when he saw his son was disabled as a baby and it was the death of a dream. He really enjoyed playing at the park with my child as he was engaging and responsive to playing on and laughing and talking while his son is unable to interact much and just sits there in his own planet due to his brain damage.

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This guy told me he doesn't think he wants to have more kids because he thinks he has bad DNA and will create more disabled children. This guy has a younger brother who was born with mental retardation and another brother who committed suicide due to mental health issues. I am afraid there may be some sort of genetic brain problem in his genes. My friends told me they would not reproduce with a person who has that type of family history plus a disabled child. At one point i thought i could help him get help and support for his depression and marijuana abuse and he could get a career and we could get married and have children together. I got sick of him being depressed and broke all the time. He is too lazy and unmotivated to go to school or do anything with his life. Many times he says he wants to die or that maybe he will kill himself one day. He cannot afford gas to visit me and his apartment he cannot afford toilet paper, or soap or anything. He said dollar tree is too expensive and he cannot afford anything. His child survives off the welfare benefits and the kid's mother works 2 jobs and keeps him 5 days a week. The father has time to get a 2nd job but says he is trying to make it big in the music industry and wants to work on that instead. He tells me sometimes he goes a long time without eating until I come hang out with him again and bring food. His 1 bedroom is always filthy and he not has roaches. I was very turned off by his filthy apt. and lack of money but I was hoping to not ditch a person because they were going through a financially tough time so I waited 6 months to see if his life would get better but it seems to get worse and I see he makes excuses for everything and won't work hard or smart. He is a felon from 10 yr ago and was kicked out the military 12 years ago for smoking weed and threatening to kill his boss so he has legal baggage too. I was thinking as a man, I don't think I could respect or desire a man who has a life like this. hE WILL Probably bring me down but I was so lonely and wanted a companion that was cute too.

Last week he told me he didn't have any money to feed him or his son so I bought a huge taco meal from a restaurant for all of us to have a good dinner. As soon as the food was placed on his roach countertop he stood there and ate 5 tacos when there were only 8 to split between 4 ppl. I got upset and broke up with him the next day. I saw that he didn't feed anyone first, not even his kid he just was a greedy person and began dogging and inhaling all the food. He is fat too so I'm not sure how he is not able to afford food. After that he got mad at me and said he didn't get why I was mad and that i was trying to change him and he is ok being the way he is and to not bother with him if I wont accept him the way he is now. I feel sorry for him but I think he and I are too old to be arguing over tacos and toilet paper. He is in severe poverty and I am not. I chose to go to college and get an okay stable career. I work very hard to take care of me and my kids and I helped him a little too out of pity. My question is, if you met someone with an already disabled child, would you feel comfortable having more children with them? Would you worry if the future children will be retarded as well?

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 04:17AM

Hello. I met a 33yr old puerto rican man on tinder. I have a history of picking losers and yes I have my own issues with abandonment and impulsivity I acknowledge and now I am in my early 30's getting professional help to manage my issues. Here is the current dilemma. I already have 2 kids. Smart and healthy 10 and under. I met a man who I saw very physically attracted to. I thought I liked his sense of humor and he seemed well rounded socially. After hanging out at his apartment a lot, he waited 3 months to tell me he had a mentally retarded 5 yr old boy. I told him it was ok and every child is special in their own way and I would be happy to accept his child. I met the boy and it's obvious he has bad brain damage and will never be able to be independent or have a "normal" life. I was very nice to his child and bought him food, toys and presents all the time, even though he never did the same for my kids. He is a taker and not i giver i saw. It seemed like maybe he is used to getting free stuff and sympathy for his kid without being grateful.​The father has weird ways about him that I told him I think his son inherited. The father has issues with connecting, emotional, some social and seems to be in his own world a lot and very inconsiderate and clueless about others and their feelings. He gets high off weed 24/7 and works minimum wage jobs. He lives in severe poverty and I noticed is severely depressed all the time. He gets very frustrated with his son because he says he feels he can learn "to behave" and people keep labelling him as too retarded to know or learn anything and he gets mad about that. His son is very difficult to manage most of the time and he gets very impatient and upset with his son who cannot help but to act out certain ways and have very bad tantrums. I don't think he really likes his son, but I think he has love for him. He said he was very depressed when he saw his son was disabled as a baby and it was the death of a dream. He really enjoyed playing at the park with my child as he was engaging and responsive to playing on and laughing and talking while his son is unable to interact much and just sits there in his own planet due to his brain damage.​This guy told me he doesn't think he wants to have more kids because he thinks he has bad DNA and will create more disabled children. This guy has a younger brother who was born with mental retardation and another brother who committed suicide due to mental health issues. I am afraid there may be some sort of genetic brain problem in his genes. My friends told me they would not reproduce with a person who has that type of family history plus a disabled child. At one point i thought i could help him get help and support for his depression and marijuana abuse and he could get a career and we could get married and have children together. I got sick of him being depressed and broke all the time. He is too lazy and unmotivated to go to school or do anything with his life. Many times he says he wants to die or that maybe he will kill himself one day. He cannot afford gas to visit me and his apartment he cannot afford toilet paper, or soap or anything. He said dollar tree is too expensive and he cannot afford anything. His child survives off the welfare benefits and the kid's mother works 2 jobs and keeps him 5 days a week. The father has time to get a 2nd job but says he is trying to make it big in the music industry and wants to work on that instead. He tells me sometimes he goes a long time without eating until I come hang out with him again and bring food. His 1 bedroom is always filthy and he not has roaches. I was very turned off by his filthy apt. and lack of money but I was hoping to not ditch a person because they were going through a financially tough time so I waited 6 months to see if his life would get better but it seems to get worse and I see he makes excuses for everything and won't work hard or smart. He is a felon from 10 yr ago and was kicked out the military 12 years ago for smoking weed and threatening to kill his boss so he has legal baggage too. I was thinking as a man, I don't think I could respect or desire a man who has a life like this. hE WILL Probably bring me down but I was so lonely and wanted a companion that was cute too.Last week he told me he didn't have any money to feed him or his son so I bought a huge taco meal from a restaurant for all of us to have a good dinner. As soon as the food was placed on his roach countertop he stood there and ate 5 tacos when there were only 8 to split between 4 ppl. I got upset and broke up with him the next day. I saw that he didn't feed anyone first, not even his kid he just was a greedy person and began dogging and inhaling all the food. He is fat too so I'm not sure how he is not able to afford food. After that he got mad at me and said he didn't get why I was mad and that i was trying to change him and he is ok being the way he is and to not bother with him if I wont accept him the way he is now. I feel sorry for him but I think he and I are too old to be arguing over tacos and toilet paper. He is in severe poverty and I am not. I chose to go to college and get an okay stable career. I work very hard to take care of me and my kids and I helped him a little too out of pity. My question is, if you met someone with an already disabled child, would you feel comfortable having more children with them? Would you worry if the future children will be retarded as well?