I don’t really drink, and guys seem to take it weirdly on dates - how do I avoid this?

I don’t really drink in general. The chief reasons are:

1) I’m trying to lose weight, and I much prefer to eat, so if I’m getting excess calories or am making caloric room in my day, it’s for food. I do get tequila or vodka sodas (they get the job done for being tipsy, holding something in your hand, and are low cal), but I still get nervous about the calories. I also get munchy when tipsy.

2) I’ve recently come to dislike the taste and smell of hard liquor on me after I’m done drinking and am ready to just relax at home for the night. And while I enjoy the feeling of a buzz, it kind of takes me off track. I have a very, very busy schedule where almost every hour of most of the week is allotted to something. Often, drinking to a buzz = wake up later next day to get adequate sleep = schedule is off for day = hurts productivity.

However, I do enjoy the tipsy feeling, am not a recovering alcoholic, enjoy wine with dinner, love a good rosé in the summer on a roof, enjoy taking shots - but all of that in extreme moderation (like 4-5x/yr) mostly because of the reasons above. I also really enjoy a bar atmosphere and like first dates to be at bars (I don’t drink coffee or tea), and I literally don’t care if my date/friend/relative drinks and I’m not. But, guys get weird when I mention I’m not drinking, as if there has to be a religious/traumatic reason behind it, as if all of a sudden I’ve told them they can’t imbibe either, and as if we shouldn’t even be at a bar (even though they also sells food and virgins). It seems off-putting to get into my explanations on a first/second date (I’m not fat or have low self-esteem, but just specific body goals. And I’m not an “all work and no play” girl, I just have a really tough and lofty professional goal I need to reach that takes up 60hrs of my week, so I have to be organized and scheduled).

How do I avoid the weirdness I get from guys about this? Can I just accept a first date at a bar and get club soda? Should I just explain my reasons?

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 03:58AM

I don’t really drink in general. The chief reasons are:1) I’m trying to lose weight, and I much prefer to eat, so if I’m getting excess calories or am making caloric room in my day, it’s for food. I do get tequila or vodka sodas (they get the job done for being tipsy, holding something in your hand, and are low cal), but I still get nervous about the calories. I also get munchy when tipsy.2) I’ve recently come to dislike the taste and smell of hard liquor on me after I’m done drinking and am ready to just relax at home for the night. And while I enjoy the feeling of a buzz, it kind of takes me off track. I have a very, very busy schedule where almost every hour of most of the week is allotted to something. Often, drinking to a buzz = wake up later next day to get adequate sleep = schedule is off for day = hurts productivity.However, I do enjoy the tipsy feeling, am not a recovering alcoholic, enjoy wine with dinner, love a good rosé in the summer on a roof, enjoy taking shots - but all of that in extreme moderation (like 4-5x/yr) mostly because of the reasons above. I also really enjoy a bar atmosphere and like first dates to be at bars (I don’t drink coffee or tea), and I literally don’t care if my date/friend/relative drinks and I’m not. But, guys get weird when I mention I’m not drinking, as if there has to be a religious/traumatic reason behind it, as if all of a sudden I’ve told them they can’t imbibe either, and as if we shouldn’t even be at a bar (even though they also sells food and virgins). It seems off-putting to get into my explanations on a first/second date (I’m not fat or have low self-esteem, but just specific body goals. And I’m not an “all work and no play” girl, I just have a really tough and lofty professional goal I need to reach that takes up 60hrs of my week, so I have to be organized and scheduled).How do I avoid the weirdness I get from guys about this? Can I just accept a first date at a bar and get club soda? Should I just explain my reasons?