Realizing you're the problem

Hey r/dating. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this rant.

I haven't had a second date in six months. I'm a somewhat conventionally attractive woman, take care of myself, etc. and on dating apps, I get tons of matches pretty easily, and even sometimes in public or when I'm out with my friends, I'm approached and asked for my number. However, it's after someone meets me in person for a date that things tend to go south and I get politely rejected or ghosted.

The pattern tends to go as follows; I match with someone, they seem super interested, we talk for a couple days on the app or via text, one of us asks to meet up in person (I like to take the initiative sometimes and am fairy confident), the date goes okay/good in my opinion, but then I either never hear from them again, or when I try to reach out, I get a polite message indicating they are not interested in seeing me again.

And if this clarifies, some of them I slept with after, some I didn't.

So, I've come to the conclusion that while I consider myself attractive and have no issues getting interest/matches from people, I have some seriously blaring personality flaws that are really turning the people I'm going out with off. After the same exact pattern happening so many times, it's pretty clear that I am the problem.

I think for one I talk about myself too much, I know that for sure. And I have a tendency to overshare. And maybe I'm not asking my dates enough questions. Or, maybe I'm drinking too much on the dates bars. Or maybe I look better in my pictures than in real life? I'm trying to figure it out and work on it so I can be better at dating and finally get past the first date.

Anyway, rant over. I guess I'm glad I'm self aware enough to see the pattern, but it still sucks to be rejected so many times and feel like there's something seriously wrong with me. I have tons of friends I'm close with and I get along with my coworkers, but for whatever reason I guess I'm not bringing the qualities that make me likable in other situations into my dates.

Thanks for reading.



Submitted May 30, 2019 at 01:09AM

Hey r/dating. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this rant.I haven't had a second date in six months. I'm a somewhat conventionally attractive woman, take care of myself, etc. and on dating apps, I get tons of matches pretty easily, and even sometimes in public or when I'm out with my friends, I'm approached and asked for my number. However, it's after someone meets me in person for a date that things tend to go south and I get politely rejected or ghosted.The pattern tends to go as follows; I match with someone, they seem super interested, we talk for a couple days on the app or via text, one of us asks to meet up in person (I like to take the initiative sometimes and am fairy confident), the date goes okay/good in my opinion, but then I either never hear from them again, or when I try to reach out, I get a polite message indicating they are not interested in seeing me again.And if this clarifies, some of them I slept with after, some I didn't.So, I've come to the conclusion that while I consider myself attractive and have no issues getting interest/matches from people, I have some seriously blaring personality flaws that are really turning the people I'm going out with off. After the same exact pattern happening so many times, it's pretty clear that I am the problem.I think for one I talk about myself too much, I know that for sure. And I have a tendency to overshare. And maybe I'm not asking my dates enough questions. Or, maybe I'm drinking too much on the dates bars. Or maybe I look better in my pictures than in real life? I'm trying to figure it out and work on it so I can be better at dating and finally get past the first date.Anyway, rant over. I guess I'm glad I'm self aware enough to see the pattern, but it still sucks to be rejected so many times and feel like there's something seriously wrong with me. I have tons of friends I'm close with and I get along with my coworkers, but for whatever reason I guess I'm not bringing the qualities that make me likable in other situations into my dates.Thanks for reading.
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