I don't feel important in my marriage

Am I Overreacting - Continuous Rescheduling of Marriage Counseling

I'm (31/F) married (38/M) but really don't feel like I matter in my marriage. My needs, wants, everything come second. He's a lawyer and currently clerking. Despite the massive pay cut, he still works ridiculously long hours or is out frequently "networking." Money is a huge problem in our relationship right now too. We've been going to marriage counseling, which I don't think he takes seriously. He hasn't read the book our therapist recommended, and keeps asking to reschedule. Well, he didn't even remember we had therapy today and when I reminded him last night was all, "why didn't you remind me sooner?!" Ummm it's on the calendar dude. "I can't I have way too much work you gotta cancel I'm not going."

So I have to email and call the therapist and embarrassingly cancel day of.

Well, she comes back with an alternative date (one that I recommended, because there was nothing on the calendar). He'd been getting better at using the calendar (because I feel we live parallel lives and I'd like to know when I'm expected to be someplace or if not to expect him home for dinner etc.) but apparently he dropped all that because when I emailed him, yes, I was able to reschedule, and sent him the date.

In response, he asked if we could reschedule again, because his office is having a going away happy hour that day at 2 and will likely go out afterwards. And then, he says:

While I do think our thing is more important, I don’t really want to explain why I’m leaving in the middle of things for an hour an a half, or show up after having a few drinks (although I don’t intend to drink a lot, so that may not be that big of a deal). 

I feel done. To me, he just made his decision right there. Happy hour with coworkers is more important - why else would he push back against me when he knows I'm already pissed off and embarrassed about having to reschedule in the first place? I feel like the "I do think our thing is more important" is just lip service. Am I overreacting?



Submitted May 29, 2019 at 11:12PM

Am I Overreacting - Continuous Rescheduling of Marriage CounselingI'm (31/F) married (38/M) but really don't feel like I matter in my marriage. My needs, wants, everything come second. He's a lawyer and currently clerking. Despite the massive pay cut, he still works ridiculously long hours or is out frequently "networking." Money is a huge problem in our relationship right now too. We've been going to marriage counseling, which I don't think he takes seriously. He hasn't read the book our therapist recommended, and keeps asking to reschedule. Well, he didn't even remember we had therapy today and when I reminded him last night was all, "why didn't you remind me sooner?!" Ummm it's on the calendar dude. "I can't I have way too much work you gotta cancel I'm not going."So I have to email and call the therapist and embarrassingly cancel day of.Well, she comes back with an alternative date (one that I recommended, because there was nothing on the calendar). He'd been getting better at using the calendar (because I feel we live parallel lives and I'd like to know when I'm expected to be someplace or if not to expect him home for dinner etc.) but apparently he dropped all that because when I emailed him, yes, I was able to reschedule, and sent him the date.In response, he asked if we could reschedule again, because his office is having a going away happy hour that day at 2 and will likely go out afterwards. And then, he says:While I do think our thing is more important, I don’t really want to explain why I’m leaving in the middle of things for an hour an a half, or show up after having a few drinks (although I don’t intend to drink a lot, so that may not be that big of a deal). I feel done. To me, he just made his decision right there. Happy hour with coworkers is more important - why else would he push back against me when he knows I'm already pissed off and embarrassed about having to reschedule in the first place? I feel like the "I do think our thing is more important" is just lip service. Am I overreacting?
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