Was it wrong of me [19M] to confront my “ex” [17F] for leading me on?

We are both autistic. This woman never said she likes me as a boyfriend and explicitly said she only likes me as a friend and ever will, after I had told her that I like her as a girlfriend. However, her brother and our therapist told me she likes me as a boyfriend and was wary of dating anyone only because her previous ex inappropriately touched her. Our therapist also told me her mom told her she likes me as a boyfriend, and she and my mom told me that we are going on dates and she will later want to be my girlfriend if I am friends with her and do not call them dates now. Going forward, I never mentioned that I intend to be her boyfriend. She dropped obvious hints like initiating to hug and hold my hand, asking “Are you nervous?” on a date, a vibe, saying “after we are just friends” she can drive me around and asked what if we are an actual dating couple in the future.

After 2 months and before our 10th date, my mom called her my girlfriend, so I asked her to kiss me because I wanted to get my first kiss, and she said yes and kissed me with tongue. I asked her in person so she would not change her mind or get advice, and a break-up would be worth my first kiss. My therapist suggested I tell the group against my gut instinct and that we are official, and put me on the spot, so I did, but her brother said he will not tell. This should not distract judgment (not arguing, but it is insignificant context in the broad scheme). 2 days later, worried, I asked her if she is upset. She sent me a text saying “We are still friends and we will see each other tomorrow. It is not like we are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. I just have a different agenda than yours.”. I asked her what I did that made her think I thought we were more than friends, and she said she was sorry she said that, but the damage had been done and was unable to take it back. I repeated the question and asked if we can still be friends ”like we were before we kissed”, digging myself deeper in the hole of agony and despair, and I told her that I will give her some time to decide if she truly wants to be friends with me. I showed my mom the convo, who advised me to apologize and say that I value the friendship and I did and then she apologized too. Ok, fair enough. I later realized that as often when not told something, people think of the worst case scenario, and it was not because I told the group, because she read the text and was already ignoring me before her brother could have told her.

The next day, she rested her head on my shoulder and said the kiss felt good, but gradually withdrew more distant in the next 7 weeks. She did not hug nor sit by me in the car because she feared it will lead me on. My mom talked to her mom who said she only wants to be friends. I ended the friendship because I did not want a friend who was uncomfortable around me, and at our therapists’ office I confronted her in the hall about our text conversation.

TL;DR: While I respect that she said we were just friends, she made it very clear to me that she KNEW that I wanted more, but failed to tell me what I said or did that implied it, and I could have accused her of the same - yet continued to initiate affection and got surprised when I continued. When she said “sorry” it seemed to take it back and I had trouble distinguishing between “friends” when we made out and “friends” when she was distant.

Submitted May 11, 2019 at 05:56AM

We are both autistic. This woman never said she likes me as a boyfriend and explicitly said she only likes me as a friend and ever will, after I had told her that I like her as a girlfriend. However, her brother and our therapist told me she likes me as a boyfriend and was wary of dating anyone only because her previous ex inappropriately touched her. Our therapist also told me her mom told her she likes me as a boyfriend, and she and my mom told me that we are going on dates and she will later want to be my girlfriend if I am friends with her and do not call them dates now. Going forward, I never mentioned that I intend to be her boyfriend. She dropped obvious hints like initiating to hug and hold my hand, asking “Are you nervous?” on a date, a vibe, saying “after we are just friends” she can drive me around and asked what if we are an actual dating couple in the future.After 2 months and before our 10th date, my mom called her my girlfriend, so I asked her to kiss me because I wanted to get my first kiss, and she said yes and kissed me with tongue. I asked her in person so she would not change her mind or get advice, and a break-up would be worth my first kiss. My therapist suggested I tell the group against my gut instinct and that we are official, and put me on the spot, so I did, but her brother said he will not tell. This should not distract judgment (not arguing, but it is insignificant context in the broad scheme). 2 days later, worried, I asked her if she is upset. She sent me a text saying “We are still friends and we will see each other tomorrow. It is not like we are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. I just have a different agenda than yours.”. I asked her what I did that made her think I thought we were more than friends, and she said she was sorry she said that, but the damage had been done and was unable to take it back. I repeated the question and asked if we can still be friends ”like we were before we kissed”, digging myself deeper in the hole of agony and despair, and I told her that I will give her some time to decide if she truly wants to be friends with me. I showed my mom the convo, who advised me to apologize and say that I value the friendship and I did and then she apologized too. Ok, fair enough. I later realized that as often when not told something, people think of the worst case scenario, and it was not because I told the group, because she read the text and was already ignoring me before her brother could have told her.The next day, she rested her head on my shoulder and said the kiss felt good, but gradually withdrew more distant in the next 7 weeks. She did not hug nor sit by me in the car because she feared it will lead me on. My mom talked to her mom who said she only wants to be friends. I ended the friendship because I did not want a friend who was uncomfortable around me, and at our therapists’ office I confronted her in the hall about our text conversation.TL;DR: While I respect that she said we were just friends, she made it very clear to me that she KNEW that I wanted more, but failed to tell me what I said or did that implied it, and I could have accused her of the same - yet continued to initiate affection and got surprised when I continued. When she said “sorry” it seemed to take it back and I had trouble distinguishing between “friends” when we made out and “friends” when she was distant.