Husband spends a lot of time with his friends and it hurts me.

My husband and I work different schedules. He has a typical Monday through Friday 8-5 job and I work twelve hour shifts on random days, always into the evening. Some days I get off at 8 pm but usually I get out usually at midnight so those days I don’t even see my husband. Some weeks I work four days, other weeks two, so it’s completely random. I also work some weekends.

My husband spends a lot of time with his friends from work (two single, one in a serious relationship). They are really good guys and I have joined their hang outs sometimes. Very solid, responsible, kind smart guys and I have no problem with them. They are great influences. My husband and his pals often go rock climbing. Rarely to the casino. Sometimes out for dinner and drinks for a few hours after work. At minimum he hangs out with them once a week but lately it’s three times a week.

I thinks it’s pretty weird a married man hangs out with his buddies three times a week but at the same time I like his friends and wouldn’t mind if it was when I was working because this way it does not affect me. I know I try to plan my friend hang outs in a way that won’t interfere with husband time. Problem is my husband will do stuff with them on my nights off work or worse, weekends off work, and it gets old. Sometimes he invites me but sometimes when it’s just guy stuff like a golf game or video games he won’t (I wouldn’t want to go in that case anyway). Sometimes he will choose to be gone for four or five hours on a Saturday I have off to go golfing. Or like tonight. I worked yesterday and was looking forward to making dinner for the two of us and he just asked me if he could go his best friend’s house for video games a few hours after work. He already went rock climbing twice this week and we had dinner with his out of town friend last night. How much socializing does he need?

Like I said, if he was able to plan his friend hang out around the times that I was working till midnight, I don’t think I would mind at all. But it’s annoying to me that I don’t have every night or weekend off and when I do sometimes he’s gone with a friend. This is something we keep fighting about and don’t see eye to eye on. It is deeply hurtful to me. It makes me feel like he either wants to get away from me or that he doesn’t value time together. It’s getting to the point where it makes me feel like he doesn’t love me like I love him. I don’t get why I am so excited to see him that I would try to avoid making plans during mutual time off together but he doesn’t share the same sentiment. I don’t know why because we seem to have a very happy marriage overall and have a lot of fun together when we hang out. We haven’t been fighting about anything and our relationship is very loving! Don’t get it.

Today when he asked me if he could hang out with his friends after work I said it was okay. In the past I probably would have told him my feelings were hurt but we’ve had this conversation many times and I don’t feel like me nagging him about wanting him to be home with me is helping. I can’t make someone want to spend time with me so why bother trying...

It’s getting old.

Edit: My husband has a copy of my schedule. While it is random it is known WELL in advance (it comes out about six weeks ahead of time). This is why it hurts my feelings he doesn’t say to himself “Okay, she will be gone Monday, Wednesday and Friday so those days I have to myself to make time with friends” and hang with his pals on those days.

Submitted May 10, 2019 at 04:22PM

My husband and I work different schedules. He has a typical Monday through Friday 8-5 job and I work twelve hour shifts on random days, always into the evening. Some days I get off at 8 pm but usually I get out usually at midnight so those days I don’t even see my husband. Some weeks I work four days, other weeks two, so it’s completely random. I also work some weekends.My husband spends a lot of time with his friends from work (two single, one in a serious relationship). They are really good guys and I have joined their hang outs sometimes. Very solid, responsible, kind smart guys and I have no problem with them. They are great influences. My husband and his pals often go rock climbing. Rarely to the casino. Sometimes out for dinner and drinks for a few hours after work. At minimum he hangs out with them once a week but lately it’s three times a week.I thinks it’s pretty weird a married man hangs out with his buddies three times a week but at the same time I like his friends and wouldn’t mind if it was when I was working because this way it does not affect me. I know I try to plan my friend hang outs in a way that won’t interfere with husband time. Problem is my husband will do stuff with them on my nights off work or worse, weekends off work, and it gets old. Sometimes he invites me but sometimes when it’s just guy stuff like a golf game or video games he won’t (I wouldn’t want to go in that case anyway). Sometimes he will choose to be gone for four or five hours on a Saturday I have off to go golfing. Or like tonight. I worked yesterday and was looking forward to making dinner for the two of us and he just asked me if he could go his best friend’s house for video games a few hours after work. He already went rock climbing twice this week and we had dinner with his out of town friend last night. How much socializing does he need?Like I said, if he was able to plan his friend hang out around the times that I was working till midnight, I don’t think I would mind at all. But it’s annoying to me that I don’t have every night or weekend off and when I do sometimes he’s gone with a friend. This is something we keep fighting about and don’t see eye to eye on. It is deeply hurtful to me. It makes me feel like he either wants to get away from me or that he doesn’t value time together. It’s getting to the point where it makes me feel like he doesn’t love me like I love him. I don’t get why I am so excited to see him that I would try to avoid making plans during mutual time off together but he doesn’t share the same sentiment. I don’t know why because we seem to have a very happy marriage overall and have a lot of fun together when we hang out. We haven’t been fighting about anything and our relationship is very loving! Don’t get it.Today when he asked me if he could hang out with his friends after work I said it was okay. In the past I probably would have told him my feelings were hurt but we’ve had this conversation many times and I don’t feel like me nagging him about wanting him to be home with me is helping. I can’t make someone want to spend time with me so why bother trying...It’s getting old.Edit: My husband has a copy of my schedule. While it is random it is known WELL in advance (it comes out about six weeks ahead of time). This is why it hurts my feelings he doesn’t say to himself “Okay, she will be gone Monday, Wednesday and Friday so those days I have to myself to make time with friends” and hang with his pals on those days.