My (18f) Bf (19m) of a Year and 1/2 Doesn’t Want Affection

For the past few months my bf has become more and more distant. We live together but I barely see him as he has classes from 8-4 and usually goes to study groups after for a few hours. When he is at home he is always either on his PlayStation, his computer, or his phone. I understand he has his hobbies and most of the time this doesn’t bother me but lately I have become a 2nd priority, at least that’s how it feels.

I’ve tried to tell him I feel pushed aside and that he doesn’t pay attention to me. (We’ve had this talk multiple times) So we made a deal that if I felt that I wasn’t getting enough attention that I would tell him (I’m not the best at communicating my feelings) that I wanted to spend some one on one time. This worked for maybe a month or so. When he got home he’d play from 5-11pm and I would wait until about 9-10ish before asking to do something like go to dinner. Usually this resulted in nothing or spending the entire dinner on his phone. The only time I really get to spend with him is right before bed. He would promise to cuddle and watch tv or kiss or the like, but he always falls asleep right when his head hits the pillow.

Even when I try to kiss him he pulls away or turns his head to keep reading something on his phone or watching tv. So this obviously wasn’t working so I tried a different approach. I asked if one night a week that we could just hang out and do something together without our phones, like walk in the park or go see a movie, and he said no. He said that he doesn’t have enough time. But all he does is sit at home and stare at screens all day.

Lately it has gotten to the point where he said he doesn’t want to get intimate (went from 2-3 times a week to maybe once or twice every other week) and has even said he doesn’t want to kiss me.

I feel really pushed aside and don’t know what to do if he isn’t willing to spend one night a week (I suggested every other if he was that busy) with me. He used to be so active and romantic when we first started dating and I really miss feeling like he wanted to spend time with me.

I also don’t know if it is unreasonable to be asking for that amount of time or if I’m overreacting a little bit ( I have ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria along with it) I just wanted to know if there was a way to meet half way or if something is going on to cause him to withdraw like this.

TL;DR My boyfriend said he doesn’t want to kiss me or be intimate with me and I feel pushed aside.

Submitted May 11, 2019 at 06:52AM

For the past few months my bf has become more and more distant. We live together but I barely see him as he has classes from 8-4 and usually goes to study groups after for a few hours. When he is at home he is always either on his PlayStation, his computer, or his phone. I understand he has his hobbies and most of the time this doesn’t bother me but lately I have become a 2nd priority, at least that’s how it feels.I’ve tried to tell him I feel pushed aside and that he doesn’t pay attention to me. (We’ve had this talk multiple times) So we made a deal that if I felt that I wasn’t getting enough attention that I would tell him (I’m not the best at communicating my feelings) that I wanted to spend some one on one time. This worked for maybe a month or so. When he got home he’d play from 5-11pm and I would wait until about 9-10ish before asking to do something like go to dinner. Usually this resulted in nothing or spending the entire dinner on his phone. The only time I really get to spend with him is right before bed. He would promise to cuddle and watch tv or kiss or the like, but he always falls asleep right when his head hits the pillow.Even when I try to kiss him he pulls away or turns his head to keep reading something on his phone or watching tv. So this obviously wasn’t working so I tried a different approach. I asked if one night a week that we could just hang out and do something together without our phones, like walk in the park or go see a movie, and he said no. He said that he doesn’t have enough time. But all he does is sit at home and stare at screens all day.Lately it has gotten to the point where he said he doesn’t want to get intimate (went from 2-3 times a week to maybe once or twice every other week) and has even said he doesn’t want to kiss me.I feel really pushed aside and don’t know what to do if he isn’t willing to spend one night a week (I suggested every other if he was that busy) with me. He used to be so active and romantic when we first started dating and I really miss feeling like he wanted to spend time with me.I also don’t know if it is unreasonable to be asking for that amount of time or if I’m overreacting a little bit ( I have ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria along with it) I just wanted to know if there was a way to meet half way or if something is going on to cause him to withdraw like this.TL;DR My boyfriend said he doesn’t want to kiss me or be intimate with me and I feel pushed aside.