My (F/24) "friend" (F/23) won't get over breakup with (F/23?)

TL;DR: Alexandra broke up with my friend Heidi after Heidi didn't pay rent for 4 months, and Heidi now has to live with her abusive parents while dealing with a chronic pain disorder and really bad anxiety. Heidi keeps making bad decisions and keeps trying to contact her ex with really flimsy excuses (like rabbit videos). Heidi felt like she was entitled to a relationship with Alexandra because Alexandra was supposed to keep her away from her abusive home.

- - - -

My friend Heidi is angry about her ex-girlfriend Alexandra breaking up with her nearly 6 months ago. Heidi has seemed to become increasingly unhinged: she uses drugs to self-medicate her medical condition as well as mental health, and has diagnosed herself with Asperger's.

Heidi (F/22), Alexandra (F/22?), Sarah (F/21) and I (F/23) went to the same college in the United States. We were all in the same sorority. I was Heidi's "big sister," and felt responsible to help her as best as I could. Heidi was Sarah's "big sister." Alexandra and Sarah were on an academic team together.

During Heidi and Alexandra's junior year (my senior year) they became roommates. Alexandra was out and proud as a bisexual person well before this. Heidi was not. Heidi had grown up in a very conservative Christian household where her parents regularly yelled and got aggressive with her. Over the course of the year, Alexandra and Heidi began a relationship.

Sarah and I quickly noticed how dependent Heidi was on Alexandra. If Alexandra and Sarah went out of town for an academic competition, Heidi would bombard Alexandra's phone with texts. When Alexandra did not reply, Heidi would bombard Sarah's phone with requests for Sarah to remind Alexandra to check her phone. This dynamic continued through their senior year.

Sarah and I pushed Heidi hard to go to therapy during this time.

Heidi and Alexandra moved into a duplex unit together after they graduated. They adopted a rabbit together. Heidi was diagnosed with a medical condition this past fall, after dealing with chronic pain issues. I don't know a lot of the details about the diagnosis, but Heidi did see actual doctors that actually diagnosed her with a specific condition. Heidi was so anxious about managing her health and how much work she was missing. Heidi quit her job before they could fire her for missing so much work.

Alexandra was left in the position of paying rent for Heidi for four months. Alexandra tried to give Heidi chances to turn her life around and find some employment. Heidi struggled to find a job and manage her pain.

Once it became clear Heidi was not making much progress, Alexandra gave Heidi the silent treatment for a week, and then broke up with Heidi this past November. Heidi was a wreck. Heidi kept insisting that Alexandra did not give Heidi enough of a chance to turn her life around, that Alexandra had promised to protect Heidi from Heidi's abusive parents, etc. Heidi felt entitled to a relationship with Alexandra. Because of the break-up, Heidi had no alternative but to go live with her parents. Heidi got the rabbit in the break up.

Sarah and I tried to console Heidi for months and months. We told Heidi she would never be truly happy until she worked on managing her pain and anxiety and on finding stable employment. If she did those things, she could move away from home. Another friend suggested if Heidi's condition was so bad as to prevent her working entirely, Heidi should apply for disability. Heidi half-heartedly looked into jobs. Heidi REFUSES to go back to therapy, saying the therapists she saw didn't listen to her.

Sarah and I made the decision to slowly fade out from Heidi's life. We thought Heidi wouldn't notice because she is SO FIXATED on Alexandra. Heidi regularly harasses Alexandra through any means of communication available. Heidi showed up at Alexandra's work in March to "return the keys" even though Alexandra had changed the locks long ago. Heidi recently sent Alexandra a hateful email and at the end of the email asked Alexandra to send Heidi videos of the rabbit from when they first adopted it. Of course, Alexandra did not respond. Alexandra did let Sarah and I see the email so we could see how bad Heidi was getting.

(During all of this, Heidi went on multiple excursions with a new group of friends and posted all about them on social media. I know Heidi needs some release from the stressful environment at home, but it seems like if she can manage her pain well enough to go on hikes and to the local ComicCon and go off her regular meds so she can take LSD and harass her ex about stupid rabbit videos, she could be doing more to get a job.)

Unaware that Sarah saw the email, Heidi contacted Sarah multiple times this past week and asked Sarah to tell Alexandra to give Heidi the videos of their rabbit.

Now Heidi's texted me and asked me why Sarah's not responding to her texts. What the heck do I tell her? Is there ANYTHING I could say to Heidi to help her realize she needs to get over Alexandra already?

HEIDI YOU GOT THE RABBIT IN THE BREAK UP ALEXANDRA DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE VIDEOS OR BE THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING YOU OUT OF YOUR PARENT'S HOUSE. ALSO DON'T DRIVE WHILE YOU'RE HIGH EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS WILL GET MAD AT YOU FOR NOT COMING HOME

Submitted May 11, 2019 at 06:11AM

TL;DR: Alexandra broke up with my friend Heidi after Heidi didn't pay rent for 4 months, and Heidi now has to live with her abusive parents while dealing with a chronic pain disorder and really bad anxiety. Heidi keeps making bad decisions and keeps trying to contact her ex with really flimsy excuses (like rabbit videos). Heidi felt like she was entitled to a relationship with Alexandra because Alexandra was supposed to keep her away from her abusive home.- - - -My friend Heidi is angry about her ex-girlfriend Alexandra breaking up with her nearly 6 months ago. Heidi has seemed to become increasingly unhinged: she uses drugs to self-medicate her medical condition as well as mental health, and has diagnosed herself with Asperger's.Heidi (F/22), Alexandra (F/22?), Sarah (F/21) and I (F/23) went to the same college in the United States. We were all in the same sorority. I was Heidi's "big sister," and felt responsible to help her as best as I could. Heidi was Sarah's "big sister." Alexandra and Sarah were on an academic team together.During Heidi and Alexandra's junior year (my senior year) they became roommates. Alexandra was out and proud as a bisexual person well before this. Heidi was not. Heidi had grown up in a very conservative Christian household where her parents regularly yelled and got aggressive with her. Over the course of the year, Alexandra and Heidi began a relationship.Sarah and I quickly noticed how dependent Heidi was on Alexandra. If Alexandra and Sarah went out of town for an academic competition, Heidi would bombard Alexandra's phone with texts. When Alexandra did not reply, Heidi would bombard Sarah's phone with requests for Sarah to remind Alexandra to check her phone. This dynamic continued through their senior year.Sarah and I pushed Heidi hard to go to therapy during this time.Heidi and Alexandra moved into a duplex unit together after they graduated. They adopted a rabbit together. Heidi was diagnosed with a medical condition this past fall, after dealing with chronic pain issues. I don't know a lot of the details about the diagnosis, but Heidi did see actual doctors that actually diagnosed her with a specific condition. Heidi was so anxious about managing her health and how much work she was missing. Heidi quit her job before they could fire her for missing so much work.Alexandra was left in the position of paying rent for Heidi for four months. Alexandra tried to give Heidi chances to turn her life around and find some employment. Heidi struggled to find a job and manage her pain.Once it became clear Heidi was not making much progress, Alexandra gave Heidi the silent treatment for a week, and then broke up with Heidi this past November. Heidi was a wreck. Heidi kept insisting that Alexandra did not give Heidi enough of a chance to turn her life around, that Alexandra had promised to protect Heidi from Heidi's abusive parents, etc. Heidi felt entitled to a relationship with Alexandra. Because of the break-up, Heidi had no alternative but to go live with her parents. Heidi got the rabbit in the break up.Sarah and I tried to console Heidi for months and months. We told Heidi she would never be truly happy until she worked on managing her pain and anxiety and on finding stable employment. If she did those things, she could move away from home. Another friend suggested if Heidi's condition was so bad as to prevent her working entirely, Heidi should apply for disability. Heidi half-heartedly looked into jobs. Heidi REFUSES to go back to therapy, saying the therapists she saw didn't listen to her.Sarah and I made the decision to slowly fade out from Heidi's life. We thought Heidi wouldn't notice because she is SO FIXATED on Alexandra. Heidi regularly harasses Alexandra through any means of communication available. Heidi showed up at Alexandra's work in March to "return the keys" even though Alexandra had changed the locks long ago. Heidi recently sent Alexandra a hateful email and at the end of the email asked Alexandra to send Heidi videos of the rabbit from when they first adopted it. Of course, Alexandra did not respond. Alexandra did let Sarah and I see the email so we could see how bad Heidi was getting.(During all of this, Heidi went on multiple excursions with a new group of friends and posted all about them on social media. I know Heidi needs some release from the stressful environment at home, but it seems like if she can manage her pain well enough to go on hikes and to the local ComicCon and go off her regular meds so she can take LSD and harass her ex about stupid rabbit videos, she could be doing more to get a job.)Unaware that Sarah saw the email, Heidi contacted Sarah multiple times this past week and asked Sarah to tell Alexandra to give Heidi the videos of their rabbit.Now Heidi's texted me and asked me why Sarah's not responding to her texts. What the heck do I tell her? Is there ANYTHING I could say to Heidi to help her realize she needs to get over Alexandra already?HEIDI YOU GOT THE RABBIT IN THE BREAK UP ALEXANDRA DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE VIDEOS OR BE THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING YOU OUT OF YOUR PARENT'S HOUSE. ALSO DON'T DRIVE WHILE YOU'RE HIGH EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS WILL GET MAD AT YOU FOR NOT COMING HOME