Got inked together, changed each other’s lives, lost each other to depression and now idk how to feel as what if the situation was reversed and I (24) “woke up” and he (26) was no longer there for me? TL;DR loved the man, I have empathy almost a year later and wish I could apologize.

I thought I was right for a long time. I’m far enough removed from a lot of what happened between him and I and I believe I understand where he was at finally, truly, and objectively.

My dad’s cancer and everything I was trying to get through

(starting my own segment of my family business in the city, closing a years worth of full time business part time, doing an undergraduate program and a masters in policy that touched on so much human suffering in terms of homelessness, incarceration, chronic pain and poverty)

was clouding my ability to see our relationship rationally.

Magic: Our first year was magic. My ex, let’s call him “C”, and I literally lived in a local sorority’s house on campus, would have fun running around the grocery store and talking to a degree I think a lot of people refuse to go to.

He had graduated the year before and was working in a decent job. We literally were each other’s twins. We built each other to a degree that didn’t even make sense how it was possible at times. Together by pushing each other he 2.5x his income and jumped tons of positions up in his career. I loved everything we built. His presence in a room is the biggest presence that one has ever seen and we lived together successfully in our tiny little space.

We loved each other fully and dared each other to get the same tattoo: the Chinese water symbol, for me: meaning that every time you open your mouth you have the opportunity to water your friends, for him a similar meaning that water forms to situations, adapts for good.

We lived in the sorority house almost a year (not sure how everyone let this fly in retrospect) so I thought when I bought a 1 bed condo downtown by my school and his work we could easily handle this 10x upgrade in space.

Tragic: The first month he was working in an office. Then he started working from home for the new job. Something changed about him. He was constantly playing shooting games and when I would try to talk to him he would stare through me as if I no longer existed. I tried to talk to him. He said to send him a calendar invite. I did. He didn’t talk.

My life was so loud that I couldn’t figure out what was happening to him. My dad was diagnosed with 4 types of cancer and a 20-30% chance to live. He became a raw vegan and detoxed 25 lbs of plaque from his body and ultimately beat the shiiit out of cancer 🙌🏼 but this was after 1.5 years and rounds of living in the hospital for 5 day stints of 24 hour chemo. I. was. lost. in this battle with my dad.

I broke up with him because of his 180 degree change and the fact that we could no longer talk. He was leaving everything a huge mess and not contributing. I felt like I was doing 180% of the work with negative time. I didn’t get what was making him a wall.

Apparently almost the whole time in the condo “C” was addicted to heavy pain killers. Taking em a min of 3 times a week for at least 5 months.

Hiding them in the only place I didn’t clean, he didn’t tell me this till after we broke up, conveniently the night before my dad’s biggest cancer surgery. He was depressed and consumed with anxiety.

He told me if he wasn’t addicted to pain killers then he would have proposed to me in the summer. 2 years of our life I let go of.

Now: We’ve been broken up for almost a year now. Taking prescribed pain killers these last few weeks for a major surgery gave me a perspective I didn’t expect to have but I’m happy that I do. I think they slowed me down enough to process the reality of why he would want to go down that path of depression. I didn’t like them but I understand now.

I know now that I was also depressed too in retrospect. That’s why I was so angry that he was asking me to take care of us when I had nothing to give.

“C” and I are forever on each other’s sides with same needle and tattoo oops (see profile) and no matter what way I slice it, it’s unacceptable that I left him in that time, I just didn’t understand.

I’d like to talk about it with him to apologize but I don’t think that will happen. If you can imagine what it is like to gain perspective months later on a person you lived with for 2 years then you’d understand why I’m turning to reddit anonymously.

I want to know... am I a bad person as what if the situation was reversed and I “woke up” from my depression and he was no longer there for me?

I feel like I did just wake up though, almost a year later. I’m here like damn wow that sucks that happened to us, what a parasite depression is!!!!!

and he’s returning from Disney with a new girl (1-2 months). He fought to get back together for MONTHS and I had to give up bc I had to shift my focus to my family and that really sucks but everything happens for a reason.

I want him to know that I understand, am sorry and don’t judge him but seems he has blocked me on even linked in 🤷‍♀️

Who’s got some advice

TL;DR loved the man, he got addicted to pain killers, hid them from me and I broke up with him bc I thought he changed randomly. I have empathy almost a year later and wish I could apologize.

Submitted May 11, 2019 at 05:04AM

I thought I was right for a long time. I’m far enough removed from a lot of what happened between him and I and I believe I understand where he was at finally, truly, and objectively.My dad’s cancer and everything I was trying to get through(starting my own segment of my family business in the city, closing a years worth of full time business part time, doing an undergraduate program and a masters in policy that touched on so much human suffering in terms of homelessness, incarceration, chronic pain and poverty)was clouding my ability to see our relationship rationally.Magic: Our first year was magic. My ex, let’s call him “C”, and I literally lived in a local sorority’s house on campus, would have fun running around the grocery store and talking to a degree I think a lot of people refuse to go to.He had graduated the year before and was working in a decent job. We literally were each other’s twins. We built each other to a degree that didn’t even make sense how it was possible at times. Together by pushing each other he 2.5x his income and jumped tons of positions up in his career. I loved everything we built. His presence in a room is the biggest presence that one has ever seen and we lived together successfully in our tiny little space.We loved each other fully and dared each other to get the same tattoo: the Chinese water symbol, for me: meaning that every time you open your mouth you have the opportunity to water your friends, for him a similar meaning that water forms to situations, adapts for good.We lived in the sorority house almost a year (not sure how everyone let this fly in retrospect) so I thought when I bought a 1 bed condo downtown by my school and his work we could easily handle this 10x upgrade in space.Tragic: The first month he was working in an office. Then he started working from home for the new job. Something changed about him. He was constantly playing shooting games and when I would try to talk to him he would stare through me as if I no longer existed. I tried to talk to him. He said to send him a calendar invite. I did. He didn’t talk.My life was so loud that I couldn’t figure out what was happening to him. My dad was diagnosed with 4 types of cancer and a 20-30% chance to live. He became a raw vegan and detoxed 25 lbs of plaque from his body and ultimately beat the shiiit out of cancer 🙌🏼 but this was after 1.5 years and rounds of living in the hospital for 5 day stints of 24 hour chemo. I. was. lost. in this battle with my dad.I broke up with him because of his 180 degree change and the fact that we could no longer talk. He was leaving everything a huge mess and not contributing. I felt like I was doing 180% of the work with negative time. I didn’t get what was making him a wall.Apparently almost the whole time in the condo “C” was addicted to heavy pain killers. Taking em a min of 3 times a week for at least 5 months.Hiding them in the only place I didn’t clean, he didn’t tell me this till after we broke up, conveniently the night before my dad’s biggest cancer surgery. He was depressed and consumed with anxiety.He told me if he wasn’t addicted to pain killers then he would have proposed to me in the summer. 2 years of our life I let go of.Now: We’ve been broken up for almost a year now. Taking prescribed pain killers these last few weeks for a major surgery gave me a perspective I didn’t expect to have but I’m happy that I do. I think they slowed me down enough to process the reality of why he would want to go down that path of depression. I didn’t like them but I understand now.I know now that I was also depressed too in retrospect. That’s why I was so angry that he was asking me to take care of us when I had nothing to give.“C” and I are forever on each other’s sides with same needle and tattoo oops (see profile) and no matter what way I slice it, it’s unacceptable that I left him in that time, I just didn’t understand.I’d like to talk about it with him to apologize but I don’t think that will happen. If you can imagine what it is like to gain perspective months later on a person you lived with for 2 years then you’d understand why I’m turning to reddit anonymously.I want to know... am I a bad person as what if the situation was reversed and I “woke up” from my depression and he was no longer there for me?I feel like I did just wake up though, almost a year later. I’m here like damn wow that sucks that happened to us, what a parasite depression is!!!!!and he’s returning from Disney with a new girl (1-2 months). He fought to get back together for MONTHS and I had to give up bc I had to shift my focus to my family and that really sucks but everything happens for a reason.I want him to know that I understand, am sorry and don’t judge him but seems he has blocked me on even linked in 🤷‍♀️Who’s got some adviceTL;DR loved the man, he got addicted to pain killers, hid them from me and I broke up with him bc I thought he changed randomly. I have empathy almost a year later and wish I could apologize.