I'm (24f) not sure how I feel about my relationship with my fiancee anymore (26m)

TLDR at the bottom

I'll try my best to give a quick rundown over my relationship and my feelings about it at this point but this whole thing has left me feeling confused as heck lately and idk what it is so lets just try and do this.

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My fiancee and I have been together for 3 years now and living together for 2 and a half of those years. We met online and after a very long visit together, I moved cross country to be with him since he was in the military at the time. It was amazing at first like all relationships are but lately I feel like we may be growing apart, or at least I am.

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The problem that really gets me is he is still sweet and considerate and funny to me BUT I have no desire to have sex with him, be around as much as I used to (my favorite times are when I get off work and I have the apartment to myself for a few hours before he comes home.), and I get annoyed when he calls me on his commute home just to talk. Which are all things he has always done but now they just exhaust me.

I can't tell if its because my despression has been acting up like crazy lately or if it really is him. I can say for sure I'm not happy at my job, or living on the east coast, and I feel like my life isn't going at all the way I want. He understands I have depression but he doesn't seem to be offering much help to me either, as he spends all his time on the computer playing games and talking to his friends online. I get upset when he does that because I feel neglected but he always tells me when I say something that if i just tell him I wanna do something he will do it with me, but it's hard to think of things to do all the time. Sometimes I just wanna chill with him but he wants me to pick out every thing we do or we don't hang out and he goes back to playing games

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Another thing is he seems to have no desire to move up in the world. We are in the process of moving out of our current apartment and into a bigger townhome or house but everytime something even a tiny bit negative happens concerning it, he instantly goes to saying we should stay at our current place and it isn't so bad. But I HATE it in this apartment. It's small, falling apart, rude neighbors, and we can afford a way better place with a yard for our dogs and more privacy but he doesn't seem to want that at all. He has even mentioned he doesn't want a yard ever simply because he has to mow the grass and he would rather not. It's frustrating because I've voiced how much I hate this place and he always says Im being selfish and it isn't bad here and that I'm spoiled. He calls me spoiled a lot because I believe we can do better (We make over 100k a year combined now...)

I miss the west coast greatly and the plan was always to move back there even before I moved to the east coast with him but now he keeps saying it;ll be years before we can move there, if at all. He's also said he's not sure he wants to leave here at all yet always complains about the weather and such here.. I dont get it.

I'm confused because this relationship isnt BAD. it's not abusive or messy, its just unsatisfying I guess? I feel really conflicted leaving someone like this, all my other relationships have been bad and had valid reasons for breaking it off but this feels wrong in a way and I can't figure out why.

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TLDR; my relationship is unsatisfying to me but I'm not cure if its because I'm living far from home and I'm feeling homesick or if it really is my fiancee

Submitted May 11, 2019 at 06:53AM

TLDR at the bottomI'll try my best to give a quick rundown over my relationship and my feelings about it at this point but this whole thing has left me feeling confused as heck lately and idk what it is so lets just try and do this.​My fiancee and I have been together for 3 years now and living together for 2 and a half of those years. We met online and after a very long visit together, I moved cross country to be with him since he was in the military at the time. It was amazing at first like all relationships are but lately I feel like we may be growing apart, or at least I am.​The problem that really gets me is he is still sweet and considerate and funny to me BUT I have no desire to have sex with him, be around as much as I used to (my favorite times are when I get off work and I have the apartment to myself for a few hours before he comes home.), and I get annoyed when he calls me on his commute home just to talk. Which are all things he has always done but now they just exhaust me.I can't tell if its because my despression has been acting up like crazy lately or if it really is him. I can say for sure I'm not happy at my job, or living on the east coast, and I feel like my life isn't going at all the way I want. He understands I have depression but he doesn't seem to be offering much help to me either, as he spends all his time on the computer playing games and talking to his friends online. I get upset when he does that because I feel neglected but he always tells me when I say something that if i just tell him I wanna do something he will do it with me, but it's hard to think of things to do all the time. Sometimes I just wanna chill with him but he wants me to pick out every thing we do or we don't hang out and he goes back to playing games​Another thing is he seems to have no desire to move up in the world. We are in the process of moving out of our current apartment and into a bigger townhome or house but everytime something even a tiny bit negative happens concerning it, he instantly goes to saying we should stay at our current place and it isn't so bad. But I HATE it in this apartment. It's small, falling apart, rude neighbors, and we can afford a way better place with a yard for our dogs and more privacy but he doesn't seem to want that at all. He has even mentioned he doesn't want a yard ever simply because he has to mow the grass and he would rather not. It's frustrating because I've voiced how much I hate this place and he always says Im being selfish and it isn't bad here and that I'm spoiled. He calls me spoiled a lot because I believe we can do better (We make over 100k a year combined now...)I miss the west coast greatly and the plan was always to move back there even before I moved to the east coast with him but now he keeps saying it;ll be years before we can move there, if at all. He's also said he's not sure he wants to leave here at all yet always complains about the weather and such here.. I dont get it.I'm confused because this relationship isnt BAD. it's not abusive or messy, its just unsatisfying I guess? I feel really conflicted leaving someone like this, all my other relationships have been bad and had valid reasons for breaking it off but this feels wrong in a way and I can't figure out why.​TLDR; my relationship is unsatisfying to me but I'm not cure if its because I'm living far from home and I'm feeling homesick or if it really is my fiancee