Today's Walkaway Wife Story

Throwaway of course!

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Me (40m), her (38f), 2 kids, 3 and 5. Married 9 years. Dated 5 years before marriage.

It started when she came back from a friend's kid's funeral (He was an adult, but his death was/is still a shock). She seemed very distressed and told me we needed to go to marriage counseling. So then she proceeded to tell me how she's been unhappy for a few years now and that she didn't think she loved me any more. My heart sank through the floor and I couldn't sleep for days. The silver lining was that she broached the idea of selling a marriage counselor. I was all for it.

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The whole time I'm looking for a counselor she keeps on saying she's sorry, saying how I'm such a good father to our kids, and especially how it's something wrong with her and not me (which I don't believe because it takes 2 to ruin a marriage). And then she also keeps saying how we should go to a counselor BUT I shouldn't get my hopes up (!!!) which interestingly, now roughly 5-6 weeks later she keeps denying having said.

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Anyways, we find a counselor and she starts going off about how she regrets marrying me, loves our kids, but feels there's no passion between us. After the 2nd session, on the way home, I ask her how she defines passion, she tells me something like what her parents have. Her parents have been through a lot, but for some reason they stuck together. Some things that I pointed out about them is that her mother frequently tells me she should have divorced my wife's dad because she thinks he adversely affected her son's emotional development.

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About her dad, he's got this caustic personality where he complains a lot down to like what she cooked or something (and her cooking is effing AMAZING). He's also gotten physical with them, I wouldn't say full-on abusive (I know, define "full-on" just bear with me I'm not an abuse counselor), but he's not afraid to shove his kids or his wife around.

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Anyways, back to the wife and me. In the past, I've sent her flowers every month to her work for maybe 2 years or so. We've gone on date nights maybe once or twice a month. I consistently wash the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the kids, to try to relieve her stress levels and not make her feel like she has to do everything.

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My point is that I've consciously tried to keep her happy, giving her the freedom to hang out with friends, go to yoga, etc. I'm like, "whatever makes you happy" because of the whole "happy wife happy life" thing. In hindsight I have a lot of self-doubt that maybe it wasn't the right kind of happiness. Like there was a misalignment between what actually makes her happy and what I thought would make her happy.

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So, 3rd session was a few days ago. Counselor asks where we both are. Wife says she thinks we should separate. At this point I've been carrying a lot of anxiety and stress, and it just goes up when we're alone together because she's the blunt non-filtered type and let's just say I've lost a lot of sleep, my work productivity has dropped to such a shitty level that my boss is like "hey it's not working out at this point and you should start looking for a new job" (that's him doing me a favor, btw, no sarcasm).

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I've constantly asked if she's involved with another man. She says she isn't. Do I believe her? 50/50, it would complicate things a bit, but would only be the result of our drifting apart so it comes back to me and her.

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What kills me is that she keeps saying how she's been harboring this feeling and going over it thousands of times in her head over the years. But never with me, never with anyone else. So her thoughts have just been running in an infinite loop of misery or something. I feel let down to the degree that we're supposed to be a couple, we're supposed to sort our issues out together but she didn't with me on something so important as this.

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So now we're at the point where we're supposedly separated but living in the same house, probably for the kids. We've got a musical show to go to on the weekend, she says she wants to go but doesn't want to mislead me. Then she says she would love to go with me a minute later. She's still willing to see a marriage counselor, but I think it's more to improve communications between us for the kid's sake. She still says she loves me, I don't know if I believe her any more.

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I'm so exhausted already and I know there's much more shit ahead of me.

Submitted May 10, 2019 at 09:29PM

Throwaway of course!​Me (40m), her (38f), 2 kids, 3 and 5. Married 9 years. Dated 5 years before marriage.It started when she came back from a friend's kid's funeral (He was an adult, but his death was/is still a shock). She seemed very distressed and told me we needed to go to marriage counseling. So then she proceeded to tell me how she's been unhappy for a few years now and that she didn't think she loved me any more. My heart sank through the floor and I couldn't sleep for days. The silver lining was that she broached the idea of selling a marriage counselor. I was all for it.​The whole time I'm looking for a counselor she keeps on saying she's sorry, saying how I'm such a good father to our kids, and especially how it's something wrong with her and not me (which I don't believe because it takes 2 to ruin a marriage). And then she also keeps saying how we should go to a counselor BUT I shouldn't get my hopes up (!!!) which interestingly, now roughly 5-6 weeks later she keeps denying having said.​Anyways, we find a counselor and she starts going off about how she regrets marrying me, loves our kids, but feels there's no passion between us. After the 2nd session, on the way home, I ask her how she defines passion, she tells me something like what her parents have. Her parents have been through a lot, but for some reason they stuck together. Some things that I pointed out about them is that her mother frequently tells me she should have divorced my wife's dad because she thinks he adversely affected her son's emotional development.​About her dad, he's got this caustic personality where he complains a lot down to like what she cooked or something (and her cooking is effing AMAZING). He's also gotten physical with them, I wouldn't say full-on abusive (I know, define "full-on" just bear with me I'm not an abuse counselor), but he's not afraid to shove his kids or his wife around.​Anyways, back to the wife and me. In the past, I've sent her flowers every month to her work for maybe 2 years or so. We've gone on date nights maybe once or twice a month. I consistently wash the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the kids, to try to relieve her stress levels and not make her feel like she has to do everything.​My point is that I've consciously tried to keep her happy, giving her the freedom to hang out with friends, go to yoga, etc. I'm like, "whatever makes you happy" because of the whole "happy wife happy life" thing. In hindsight I have a lot of self-doubt that maybe it wasn't the right kind of happiness. Like there was a misalignment between what actually makes her happy and what I thought would make her happy.​So, 3rd session was a few days ago. Counselor asks where we both are. Wife says she thinks we should separate. At this point I've been carrying a lot of anxiety and stress, and it just goes up when we're alone together because she's the blunt non-filtered type and let's just say I've lost a lot of sleep, my work productivity has dropped to such a shitty level that my boss is like "hey it's not working out at this point and you should start looking for a new job" (that's him doing me a favor, btw, no sarcasm).​I've constantly asked if she's involved with another man. She says she isn't. Do I believe her? 50/50, it would complicate things a bit, but would only be the result of our drifting apart so it comes back to me and her.​What kills me is that she keeps saying how she's been harboring this feeling and going over it thousands of times in her head over the years. But never with me, never with anyone else. So her thoughts have just been running in an infinite loop of misery or something. I feel let down to the degree that we're supposed to be a couple, we're supposed to sort our issues out together but she didn't with me on something so important as this.​So now we're at the point where we're supposedly separated but living in the same house, probably for the kids. We've got a musical show to go to on the weekend, she says she wants to go but doesn't want to mislead me. Then she says she would love to go with me a minute later. She's still willing to see a marriage counselor, but I think it's more to improve communications between us for the kid's sake. She still says she loves me, I don't know if I believe her any more.​I'm so exhausted already and I know there's much more shit ahead of me.