Trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Ladies especially, what exactly are you looking for in a partner?

As stated in the title, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me, or something to that effect. Basically, I'm nearly 31 years old, but I have less relationship experience than the vast majority of teenagers. My usual pattern is to really go all in on OLD for a few months with thousands of swipes and/or hundreds of messages, then I get discouraged by the lack of any results to speak of (I basically never match or get to have an actual two way conversation with anyone) and quit for a while only to begin the sisyphean process over again after I have some time to forget how dehumanizing it was. I average well under 1 date per year and I've never actually achieved "in a relationship" status.

The last time I tried OLD was about a year ago and I had my profile critiqued and edited multiple times at that point, so I don't think that's my problem.

I have a robust social circle, a career (archaeologist), plenty of hobbies (historical fencing, reenactment, SCUBA diving, motorcycles), good education (MA), I get out quite a lot, and other things I think are pretty great, but evidently it's not what people want. My friends and even acquaintances often express bewilderment not only at my still being single, but the sheer, titanic degree of apparently unbreakable singleness I have achieved.

We constantly have topics about red flags and dealbreakers around here, and I don't display any of them as far as I can tell. My question is, what are your "green flags?" The stuff that makes you go "whoa, I'm way into this person" and grabs your attention? Maybe having some positive examples instead of negative ones will help out.

Submitted May 24, 2019 at 06:04AM

As stated in the title, I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me, or something to that effect. Basically, I'm nearly 31 years old, but I have less relationship experience than the vast majority of teenagers. My usual pattern is to really go all in on OLD for a few months with thousands of swipes and/or hundreds of messages, then I get discouraged by the lack of any results to speak of (I basically never match or get to have an actual two way conversation with anyone) and quit for a while only to begin the sisyphean process over again after I have some time to forget how dehumanizing it was. I average well under 1 date per year and I've never actually achieved "in a relationship" status.The last time I tried OLD was about a year ago and I had my profile critiqued and edited multiple times at that point, so I don't think that's my problem.I have a robust social circle, a career (archaeologist), plenty of hobbies (historical fencing, reenactment, SCUBA diving, motorcycles), good education (MA), I get out quite a lot, and other things I think are pretty great, but evidently it's not what people want. My friends and even acquaintances often express bewilderment not only at my still being single, but the sheer, titanic degree of apparently unbreakable singleness I have achieved.We constantly have topics about red flags and dealbreakers around here, and I don't display any of them as far as I can tell. My question is, what are your "green flags?" The stuff that makes you go "whoa, I'm way into this person" and grabs your attention? Maybe having some positive examples instead of negative ones will help out.